Need help

[Soawful]

Hi all. I’m a 42 year old woman who has recently been diagnosed with what my doc thinks is hsv1 but on my private parts. We’re stlll waiting for the culture, but my gyno and I are both pretty certain that it’s h. I’m mortified. This is my worst nightmare. I’ve always been so aware and paranoid of stds and after a lot of unprotected sex, I managed to stay clean till now.  I’ve been intimate with the guy who I Xoox breasted it from for like five years. We will never be together and I knew that (it’s complicated) so we just remained friends with BennieS. Anyway, I noticed several times he had big cold sores once in a while. I never said anything to him about it because I thought it would be rude; I just made a mental note to myself to never let him go near my lady parts while he had a cold sore. I pretty much cut off him giving me oral sec all together. I don’t like people going down on me snyafy, largely because o was so afraid of contracting this terrible virus. So yeah he hasn’t gone near my privates eigh his mouth in eons. But anyway, a few weeks ago, we met and he had a big full bloom cold sore. I assumed he knew how contagious they are and that a cold sore is in fact herpes, but apparently he didn’t, which is shocking to me. Anyway, I threw caution to the wind and kissed him a few times thinking to myself what’s a cold sore on my lip ...not the end of the world as long as it isn’t on my lady parts. So I missed him and also performed oral on him. As I mentioned before, his mouth didn’t go anywhere near my privates.  I was freaked out when he (this is graphic and I do not mean to offend but I’m desperate for support and have to share my story), put his hand to his mouth and spit into it for a little extra lunrication. I remember thinking to myself elk that’s bad I should go near his penis after that but I did. I’m sure I had his saliva contaminated private part inside of my privates after the spit or I was thinking that me kissing him and then going down on him would contaminate. But it was all heat if the moment and I also told myself the only way I could be contaminated if by fluid from his sore, not his saliva. (We never used rubbers and I know that was dumb too.)He’s the only person I’ve slept with in a year btw.

ok so back to the story...maybe a week or so after this incident, I started to have to urinate so much and though it didn’t really burn, I felt like it was a uti, which I’ve had plenty of in my life. I just mostly was peeing constantly and having that weird uti bladder feeling. Unfortunately, to make this whole nightmare even worse, I was laid off several months ago and so I don’t have a job or health insurance. Normally I would have gone to my gynecologist, who I adore, but without insurance, we agreed that I would simply give a tribe sample to the lab to determine exactly which bacteria it was, and then in the meantime she would start me on an antibiotic. After taking the antibiotic, the burning cane I. At high levels. There were no lesions that I could see and at that time not a lot redness. I still was assuming/ hoping it was a uti or something else. Anyway, my tribe culture was totally negative. I had taken an at home test for bacterial vaginosis, which I’ve also had plenty of times, abs that was negative. So the. I thought maybe it’s a yeast infection so the doctor write me a script for diflycan which is a miracle pill for test infections. They didn’t help and I only felt worse and the glands in my ground wtrw swollen and I had a slight fever. It hurt so much to owe, and I spent my weekend googling. I saw some smell blistery things and I was pretty sure it was h. I had an appointment with my gyno but I had to wait until Monday and I was so scared and uncortisnke and wanting an answer that I went to a walk in urgent care This Saturday. The doctor there said though my “lesions” did not look like h that they very well could be. She didn’t want to do a culture but gave me a script for blood work. She also gave me scripts for Valdez and an antibiotic which was didn’t have the cash to fill the.  I se died to wait to go see my own doctor and I was pretty sure she was going to key the bad news on me when she looked at my vag. By the time she cane into the room, I was sobbing.  I told her the story if my recent encounter with a cold sore and she examined me and said she was pretty certain it’s hsv1 on my vag. She cultures the blisters so I’m still awaiting final results but I am quite sure it’s what she thinks it is. She hugged me and tomd me it’s an annoying but treatable though lifelong condition. She says she sees people who have it every day, from sixty year old women who just contracted it from their husbands or had it dormant down to fifteen year olds. I’m beyond ashamed and humiliated. I feel like such a lower and so ashamed. I need to be finding a job and paying bills but I’m so down in th dumps. I tell my mom everything but I’m way too ashamed to tell her this. I have been crying and Judy do down. I feel absolutely disgusting and am positive no man will ever want me. Oh I forgot to mention that my gyno habe me a script for valacyclovir twice a day for ten days. Since taking this and drinking lots of water, the burning is less.  I’m just so despondent and mad st myself more than the guy who most likely gave it to me. I Lysol’s my toilet when I knew my either was coming over because I’m mortified at the thought of transmitting it to family through toilets, towels etc. I have a five year old niece and I often help her wipe herself and have shared the toilet with her before diagnosis but post transmission so now I’m so framed out that I can contaminate my family. That would be awful. I have read several places that it’s not teamsmittable from toilets abs towels but I’m still paranoid since I have had to help my niece wipe after she does number two. I’m an avid grand wager but it’s pisdible that I wiped her after going to the bathroom myself and didn’t wash my hands first because st the time I did not think I had h. I’m just so sad abs feel so disgusting. Please help. Thank you. 

[Ella18]

Just remember , worrying can only make the situation worse, not better . I know that’s hard not to do bc I promise you I have spent many days and nights up worrying about transmitting this to my children through a toilet seat or tub. I lysol my bathroom more than anyone I know! I think it’s totallu normal to be naturally paranoid after being traumatized by this .i hope and pray that your test is negative for any Hsv but if it isn’t, just remember it isn’t the end of the world. People live with this every day and you will be okay!!  Best of luck !