An introduction and a (long) story

[Alias_Grace]

So this is my story...

 

I think I've had herpes since January of this year. At least that was the first ob that I can remember, now that I know what the symptoms are. I'm pretty sure what I've mistaken for a couple of thrush infections and the odd ingrown hair - without a noticeable hair! - have been outbreaks. But it wasn't until this week, when I discovered that I'd passed the virus onto someone else, that I realised what was really going on.

 

I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 18 months. At the moment we're having a long distance relationship. In order to cope with the difficulty of long distance we decided mutually to have an open relationship. So last week I slept with an old friend. Unfortunately I had one of those "ingrown hairs" at the time. After we slept together I developed a really bad "thrush infection". Then my friend phoned me to tell me that he was having symptoms. He's since been diagnosed with herpes (I'm not sure what type) and I'm waiting for my test results. But there's no doubt in my mind that they'll be positive.

 

I feel very sad and very sorry and if I could turn back time I would. My friend is taking it pretty hard, but he doesn't seem to blame me - well at least he hasn't said so - and we are supporting one another through it.

 

It helps that my best friend has had herpes for three years. And she has an amazing relationship with a beautiful man and while it's been tough for her at times it really hasn't changed her life. She tells me that yes it sucks but I'll learn to manage it.

 

My next step is to tell my boyfriend. I've really got no idea how he'll react. And I'm scared. But at the same time I think maybe this is the test that we need to see if this relationship is going to last the distance (literally). I'm particularly not looking forward telling him over the phone. But I'm not one for putting off awkward conversations. I know from past experience the fear is usually worse than the conversation itself. And isn't it better to know? I don't want to let this virus limit my life. I want to deal with the emotions attached to it, learn to manage it so that it has the least impact possible, and move on. I have epilepsy, I've experienced a crippling anxiety disorder and I recovered. In fact I didn't just recover, I grew and learnt a lot about myself and became a better person because of those experiences. So why should this be any different?

 

I am glad that I found this forum though - I don't think I would be adjusting to this anywhere near as quickly without reading everyone else's stories (yes I lurked for a few days!). There is so much panic and scaremongering on the Internet surrounding herpes. Or just plain clinical information. It's nice to put a human face to the virus. So thank you all :)

[lelani]

I'm so glad you shared with us here...no this virus won't be any different to anything you have already dealt with. It has its own challenges but you can overcome them, like your best friend has and learn to manage them. It won't limit your life unless you think it will.

I too have an amazing man who accepts herpes as part of our relationship, he supports me and makes me feel beautiful. Telling him was really hard but the most amazing experience ever...and his response told me he was a keeper.

I know you won't be looking forward to telling your boyfriend but keep in mind that you may have contracted it from him and it has just lay dormant for a while. You both mutually decided to have an open relationship so he has to accept that this is a risk for both of you, and be prepared to deal with the consequences...it could have easily been him having to tell you he has contracted something.

Yes telling him will be a test of how strong your relationship is...and if it doesn't survive it then he isn't the one for you. You will be ok either way... and will continue to grow and learn because of this. You are positive and looking at it honestly and with integrity...you can't go wrong :-)...and it's ok to lurk ;-), even better coming out into the light with us :-). I wish you all the best telling your boyfriend, sending you good thoughts. Lets know how it goes?? x