Disclosing to current partners

[Samanthanne]

I just found out I have herpes on Monday.. it’s been extremely difficult considering I have no idea where or when I got it. I’ve been dating and having sex with someone for about 2 months now and just last weekend we spent the night together for the first time and we expressed a lot of deep feelings for one another and it was amazing and then I find this out. I’m nervous that I gave it to him. I got tested at the beginning of December and all of my blood work came back negative and I told him that.. but from what I hear bloodwork can be unreliable at times with diagnosing HSV. I feel a lot of guilt because I have no idea how long I’ve had it or who else I could’ve given it to. I’m meeting up with him this week at some point but I’m so scared of this conversation. I am ridden with anxiety today and I’m in a lot of pain. Any advice on how to handle this and the anticipation? I’m not sure if I should give him a phone call or wait until I see him next to have this conversation. 

[Newme]

I'm new to this and my one disclosure ended in us never speaking again. I will say that there was absolutely no way for you to have known. They don't test for it when you go for STI screenings. You didn't mention having an OB so you weren't intentionally putting him at risk. At this point he's either going to accept it and be an adult and understand that just statiscally speaking he probably already has it, unrelated to you, and you two can move forward...or he's going to be a jerk, not do any research and freak out. I'm trying to work through this part as I type and it sounds cliche but, if he's a good one, he'll understand. He should know you well enough by now to know that you wouldn't purposely put him at risk. He should appreciate your honesty and do some work to educate himself. I feel like once people realize how little they know about herpes, their perspective should change. 

Hopefully this helps. Wish you the best of luck. 

[K123]

So...is it 1 or 2? Genital or oral? Did you get the blood test that says which kind? It’s easier if you know.

He may have it and not be aware, too. Has he been tested? He may have been the giver of you have been together for this much time and it’s 1. You can certainly have it and never know. I didn’t. Not until my first 2 outbreak when I was tested!