Just Found out I have HSV type I genital as my partner did not disclose me and then broke up with me to leave me alone

[Anomyous12]

Hello everyone

I am new to this forum, but I have been reading few posts on this forum for a while and it makes me feel normal but I still need some support and advice.

My story in short is as follows: I was dating a new girl recently (for about 3 months) we really clicked and everything was going really well. We fell for each other real quick and soon become intimate. After about 2 months and a few intimate sessions one day when we were getting cozy she stopped me and broke the news that she has a cold sore which is like a pimple, I dug deep to find that she was hesitant to confess that it is herpes type 1 genital. She got it diagnosed a month before we met (she was ready to date a guy as soon as she found out she had herpes she did not even think that she should take time to educate herself about herpes before dating a guy). After she confessed about herpes I was supportive and told her this is not a big deal as I am from health sciences. I insisted to take a complete STD test for us both after that and insisted that we resist from any kissing and sex untill we are sure about the results. She was not into this as she hates to visit the doc but she did it as it was decided. The results came out and I was also diagnosed with type 1 HSV genital as i had a small red patch on my penus. The next day we decided to go to a health clinic to know more information about how we can practice safe sex and still enjoy sex as a a couple. After the clinic visit she broke off with me cancelled all christmas plans that we had planned long time and stated the reason that she is not being herself in the relationship and cannot take it anymore.

I was devastated after this, I was all supportive honest to take care of her after she told me she has herpes and now she leaves me when I got it. She blocked me and stopped all communication and stated that she had decided to move on. I am finding it hard to accept that I got herpes when I had no informed choice to make as I was kept in dark about this. I was left alone to suffer in the pain and doc visits she was not even compassionate to  ask me how I am doing.

I feel that I would never be able to date a girl again and will be rejected when I tell them i have HSV 1 and I think the only option is to go back to this girl and convince her with medical facts that we should be together. I also cannot be dishonest to any future partners as I cannot lie about my status, however I am not sure if I will ever find a girl that will accept me for what I am with herpes.

I also think if i keep pursuing this girl she might file a harassment case but I feel that I should talk to her friends which played a big role to make her decision about breakup as they thought I am not the right match but they have no idea about herpes infection to her or me so if I confront her friends about this they might make her realize what she did and we might get together.

 

PLEASE ANY ADVICE MIGHT HELP I AM FEELING DEVASTATED I REALLY LOVE HER

[Worrier1234]

hi there 🙂

You sound like a good guy, and I’m sorry to say, the girl you were seeing is not worth your time and energy anymore. Please don’t put the energy into someone who has blocked you and had stated she is moving on! You will find someone who will not have an issue with your hsv1 diagnosis, just as you didn’t have an issue with hers. Also, HSV1 is less contagious, it sheds much less frequently than HSV 2 and so many people , almost 50 % are also already infected with HSV1 so .... what you’ve got is not the end of the world. 

I hope you can take that love you feel for her and instead, love yourself the same way 🙂 

There are lots of people here to support you! 

 

 

 

 

 

[Alexis1991]

Hi Robdarko

I encountered a similar situation except the guy to gave me GHSV1 literally didn't care and took off.  So I am currently dating a person whom I disclosed I had the HSV1 virus and told him that he can get it genitally or in his mouth.  He said no problem, didn't care about it much so After 7 months of sex, no protection and no suppressive therapy and no outbreaks (aside from the first one) Out of nowhere I got extremely paranoid and depressed and turns out I cried and cried and confessed to him why I was so sad and he was extremely supportive as I was scared that I would give it to him.  Turns out this guy I've been dating also has the HSV1 virus (obviously in his mouth) but he has the antibodies and I felt such a relief WOW.  My point is that to be completely honest, HSV1 is super freaking common and most likely half the girls you meet already have it and if they don't have it and they don't want you, then move on, I am sure beautiful girls have the antibodies and thats it!  Best of luck

 

[Anomyous12]

Hello Worrier1234

Thank you for your support. I still think that it will be hard for me to get to know someone and then confess to them about my hsv-1 status.

Also I am not sure whether I will be able to date a normal girl again. Can you share your thoughts on this

[Anomyous12]

Hello Alexis1991

Thank you for being supportive. I think it would.be easy for a girl to get a guy but do you know or think if a guy has hsv1 it would be hard to get a girl. Did you dated through herpes exclusive dating website or just as any normal person dates?

Also can you tell me how to get over this situation because I still think I should reach out to the girl and convince her to stay in the relationship. I have talked to her a few times and she is just hesitant to listen to anything. Approaching her friends would be a good choice?

[Worrier1234]

Hi Robdarko 🙂

I think your chances of finding a great girl are excellent, and the chances of success in a relationship are probably about the same as they would be if you didn’t even know about your HSV 1. Sooooo many people have it or have the antibodies, and yes, I have dated people with HSV 1 and I have a good male friend who gets a cold sore occasionally and he’s a total chick magnet 🙂 it’s not a real huge deal, promise!  At least 50% of people have it, maybe more! 

I don’t think you should talk to this girl’s friends. I think this would come across as intrusive, and might not work in your favor. Broken hearts suck, and they take time to heal. I know it’s easier said than done, but take it from me - do positive things for yourself, focus on yourself, and give her space to miss you. Do things that make YOU happy, concentrate on your own goals... and she’ll either miss you, or not....not by then you might not care so much about her anymore. 

You are worthy of being with someone who doesn’t need to be “convinced” to stay with you. Have faith that this person is out there. Love yourself first, and you will attract the RIGHT person.

You got this!!! 

 

 

[Alexis1991]

On 1/22/2019 at 8:47 AM, Robdarko said:

Hello Alexis1991

Thank you for being supportive. I think it would.be easy for a girl to get a guy but do you know or think if a guy has hsv1 it would be hard to get a girl. Did you dated through herpes exclusive dating website or just as any normal person dates?

Also can you tell me how to get over this situation because I still think I should reach out to the girl and convince her to stay in the relationship. I have talked to her a few times and she is just hesitant to listen to anything. Approaching her friends would be a good choice?

The guy I was dating was a regular person, I met him before I contracted the virus.  It literally turns out that he has always had the virus since he was little.   A pure coincidence that can easily happen to anyone.  As I stated hsv1 is extremly common and look my advice may not be accepted by many but here it goes:

this only goes for HSV1 carriers like yourself afraid of the stigma (which we all are, I admit) tell her from the beginning you have HSV1 and it commonly causes fever sores/cold sores.  Tell her that you are disclosing it because it can be transferred to her mouth or her genitals.  Be clear about that and tell her to google it if necessary or take a test to see if she has the antibodies etc.  You do not need to disclose the location if you don’t want to.  Use protection and once you find your permanent partner make sure she understands the risk of having sex without condoms which by then it will either transfer to her mouth or genitals if she DOES NOT have the virus.

 

if she HAS the virus and you really like her, go after her! And I don’t mean be a stalker, please don’t! But I mean, give her time for this info to sink in, let her be, give her space and do your own thing.  Tell her to text you or call you when she is ready to talk and chat and if she is not and she leaves, you go into the dating pool and use protection and you will see how the pieces of your puzzle will fit together! There are many many gorgeous women that don’t care about hsv1.

 

Also, Don’t approach this “girls” friends please, keep your relationship separate and private.  

[Anomyous12]

Thank you Alexis1991 and Worrier1234 it really made me feel a bit positive. Although I am still recovering from the diagnosis. I hope I can stay positive and hopefully that I will be loved again

[Worrier1234]

You are the same lovable person you have always been. You are not alone! Anywhere you go, half of the people in the room with you are in the same boat! Breathe, put one foot in front of the other, keep telling yourself this is not the end of the world... it’s not, I promise... 🙂