Movingforward4me

You have probably seen me posted for the past couple months leading up to this but after much talk in therapy, with adrial and my two siblings... i was able to successfully disclose (H and low risk hpv together) face to face to a partner I have been seeing (and really wanting to sleep with!). he was so supportive, held my hand and said, "i'm sure it was really hard for you to tell me that, thank you". we decided we will be making an appoinment to go speak with a doctor together so he can feel more comfortable about best practices to work around this. we spent the rest of the night snuggling and he wants to take me to meet his family next weekend. when i got home, he sent me this text: "i know it was really hard for you to tell me about that today but i really appreciate that you did. i just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything and i dont want you to ever feel too embarassed or insecure about anything. i will do the same with you. and of course anything we talk about will always stay between me and you" I AM ON CLOUD 9 GUYS. I spent all of m 20's hiding from love.... regardless of how it turns out with this guy (which i am hopeful and optimistic), i have faced that scary demon and overcome my fear or the unknown. Thank you to all of you for that, i wouldnt have been able to do it alone. Ill give you an update on how the sex is. LMAO 😄

Thank you for your feedback! I will keep you posted on how it goes... running this one by my therapist tomorrow 🤷‍♀️ Lol

After the 2 year mark of genital wart strains, what’s the deal with disclosure?

Ok thanks for the advice. I am open to suggestions or stories from others who have disclosed and what method they used (phone, text, face to face)

I have posted a bit on here recently as I am actively trying to work through my fears associated with disclosing. In the past few weeks, I have disclosed to a therapist, my brother and Adrial via FaceTime! All were very supportive and accepting. I recently started trying to date as I’ve avoided it altogether for quite a few years... I’ve been on three dates so far and the guy is super sweet. He shared that he was divorced two years ago from his high school sweetheart who he was with for about 10 years. I feel like I do want to move forward with this person and at least see where things take us and even though he is moving very slowly in terms of physical stuff which I appreciate, I know the time is coming where I need to spill it. I have cried each of the three times I disclosed to non-partners and I am fairly certain I will have a very emotional reaction when I disclose to him. My question is whether texting is frowned upon for disclosing. I get the concept of “hiding” but I’d really just like to get a handle on the information I’m delivering and make sure it’s received appropriately. I also am afraid that if I cry during disclosure, it will terrify him and he’ll run. My guess is he has had very few sexual partners due to his HS sweetheart recent divorce and I don’t know whether this will influence his perception of herpes or not. Any advice?! Looking to do this soon! Thanks!

I have lived in shame of my diagnosis for the past 13 years which robbed me of dating throughout my 20’s. I am 32 and recently entered therapy to try to work through this in an effort to find a partner and have a family someday - the pressure of my biological clock has finally kicked my butt into action. I have been talking to a guy on a dating app and we decided to chat on the phone (I was feeling more confident after a breakthrough in therapy where I revealed my whole history which the therapist responded to with empathy and understanding). The phone convo went great, we hit it off right away and easily talked for 40 minutes. He mentioned he likes to take things slow in relationships (great! Time to get to know me!) and that some girls have had issues with this in the past. He then went on to say, “all these people have std’s. I’ve had 6 girls tell me they have herpes before I even met them!” And it felt like a punch in the gut. I changed my tone abruptly and was deciding whether to blurt it out myself but instead just said, “we’ll its pretty common” and he said “I mean HSV-2....” and I was like “yep pretty common” and then he said “artie whatever you’re falling asleep” and we ended the call. The whole thing was weird but a few things make me think he has had experience either himself with a herpes diagnosis or with a partner. He seemed to know a lot about herpes for someone without it. He also had the whole taking a long time to move things along in the relationship thing. He made comments like “literally everyone has herpes” and I’m not really buying that six different people disclosed to him on a dating app (I’ve never had anyone in my life tell me they had herpes and he’s had the experience 6 separate time?) Idk if this is a defense mechanism to gauge MY response or if herpes is genuinely a deal breaker for him. If he had it too, it could make things a lot less complicated if we did meet and end up hitting it off. I realize I’m projecting but The whole conversation left me seriously scratching my head. There were a lot of things that didn’t really add up. Difficult to write it all out. Anyway, I’d like to meet him but don’t want to waste my time if he’s genuinely that disgusted and close minded to the idea of dating someone with H. Thoughts??

31 y/o female from New York (Long Island). No preference on male or female, just looking for some support and hoping I can provide the same!

Is there anyone in the New York City/Long Island area that would be willing to chat? I’ve seen posts about an H meetup group but feel too nervous to try going alone. I could use a friend to talk to in confidence who understands what I am going through.

Hey Pecan, I don’t have much advice unfortuntely but I am going through a very similar situation and it’s awful. I tested positive for genital HSV-1 by swab culture 12 years ago. Two years ago I got diagnosed with genital warts which I’m still dealing with and my most recent blood work cams back positive for hsv-2 as well although my index value was under 3.5 so I don’t even know if it’s accurate. Anyway, just wanted to say you aren’t alone. It’s a LOT to handle and I’m having a really hard time too but hopefully we can get some support here. Best of luck to you.

I am new to this site but not new to a herpes diagnosis. I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 in 2005 at 19 years old. Though I was in a relationship at that time, we ended up parting ways for unrelated reasons. Since that time, I have struggled with the fear and shame of disclosing to the point of being unable to establish any type of long term relationship. It has been isolating, lonely and I’ve been breaking my own heart. In 2016, I went to the doctor for what looked like a skin tag on my vagina. It turned out to be a wart (caused by low risk HPV). Since then, I have been working with a dermatologist to clear up any symptoms. It seems every time I think I’m “in the clear” with my HPV symptoms, something resurfaces. It’s been a crushing and brutal experience and has taken a serious toll on my self esteem and psychological well-being. There is so much conflicting information among websites and doctors alike that it’s difficult what to believe, how to view this new diagnosis and how to proceed with a new partner should that opportunity present itself - as dating has been off the table for a long time for me. The kicker: I recently got my annual Pap smear and the PA asked if I’d like blood work. I said sure, why not. Despite being celibate for the last two years. I figured I already knew I had herpes so no big deal. My results came back that I was positive for BOTH HSV-1 and HSV-2. I was floored. I have never had any symptoms outside of my original outbreak in 2005 which was cultured and typed as type 1 when lesions were still present. My index # for HSV-1 was 54.1, my index for type 2 was 3.2 - I scoured the internet for more information to wrap my head around this and found that false positives of HSV-2 were common in individuals who already had HSV-1 and that any index value below 3.5 has up to a 90% probability of being false. I spoke with my doctor about my findings and she agreed. She stated this is true and that without symptoms, there’s no REAL way to know whether I have been exposed to type 2. So with this new, not-actually-information information, my already desperate situation has taken itself to a whole new level. I have not even worked through the trauma of getting diagnosed 12 years ago and have all this new information to process on top of it. I am now 31, single and desperately wanting to have a relationship, get married and start a family. I feel my time is running out and don’t know how to deal with this in a way that I can make it through to the other side without denying myself all the things I know I deserve. I am an honest person to a fault but I am so incredibly fearful of the thought of ANY type of disclosure - let alone this mixed bag of bullshit - that I don’t know where to go from here. There is virtually no in person support groups locally and I do not have insurance as of the beginning of this month. I feel like I am in crisis and have no one to turn to. Any supportive advice would be welcomed.