lulu87

This exact thing was happening to me, too. I got my diagnosis and when I went to work, that entire week there was herpes jokes left and right. It's like when you buy a new car and you suddenly see it everywhere; I got diagnosed and suddenly herpes was all anyone wanted to make fun of. It was really hard for me to deal with the comments at work but ultimately I didn't feel comfortable telling them my diagnosis, so I stayed shut. It was really hurtful though, seeing first hand how negative people can be about it especially when I first was dealing with it. I hope that it gets easier for both of us as time goes on!

Thanks Nic, I like your spin. I'm really worried now because after trying to get some more input I joined a chat room and everyone was very pushy that H came from my most recent ex, who told me he was tested and came back negative. The idea is just overwhelming to me. The idea that a guy would lie to me about this and I am about to go confront someone else, and if he comes back negative then I know this guy lied to me about his results AND totally abandoned me and will no longer speak to me... I don't know.

I'm still new here, so far I've only connected with Adrial but I'm a bundle of nerves and could really use some support tonight. Tomorrow, I am meeting with my ex boyfriend for the first time since our breakup to tell him that I have herpes. He's the obvious "culprit" but I'm anxious about what happens if I'm right... he could be in denial, he could get angry, he could cry, he could berate me, he could do all sorts of things. And then there's that other problem... what if I'm wrong? It's highly unlikely, but I guess it's a possibility to also consider. There's also the ambivalent that he might just not want to get tested or not tell me the results if he does. I think my biggest fear is he'll be explosive or angry. He wasn't usually like that during our relationship but we haven't been in contact much and he can be mean when he's defensive, and he struggles to take responsibility, even when he's clearly in the wrong. It's a possibility I may walk away feeling very very hurt, alone, or worthless. What I plan to say is something like, "Recently, I had some health problems and found out that I was positive for herpes. The person I was most recently dating came back negative, and I'm trying to find out where this may have come from and also bring attention as people might have it and not know, and maybe spread it to others. I'm wondering if you've ever been specifically tested for herpes, which is a separate test from the standard STD panel? If not, would you do so and let me know the results?"

Speaking as a 26 year old who recently dated a 38 year old, I can tell you age has nothing to do with maturity. It seems like he's a mature guy and he pursued you, and you say you guys connect really well - which tells me he's probably mature and can handle it. Be honest, be confident... I think how he reacts can be a big reflection of how you tell him. Stress and worry is probably normal (I'm saying all this never having to disclose to a partner) but if you come off overly stressed, he's going to see it as a huge stressor and something to worry about. Let us know how it goes!

Hi everyone... I joined here after finding I don't know anyone in my "real" life with herpes. I was diagnosed about a month ago, with my first outbreak right around my birthday, and I found out two days later. I've told most of my friends and everyone has been very supportive, but nobody knows what I'm going through. I get that feeling that although everyone is supportive of me, they're glad it's not them. I guess that's normal, since nobody really wants herpes. I haven't told any of my family which has been hard since they obviously know something is going on but I don't feel comfortable disclosing an STD to them... Anyway, I've found myself feeling alternatively very confused and very sad. I've accepted the diagnosis for all it is, and it doesn't really bother me (even though I'm currently in my second outbreak which is not the most comfortable thing), but I'm worried what it means for my future relationships and the uncertainty of this diagnosis really bothers me. I've had generalized anxiety disorder since childhood so uncertainty is really hard for me... and now, this diagnosis means that I can never be certain I won't have an outbreak or I'll be accepted by my potential partners. I've heard, again and again, that when I find the right person, he will accept this, but I still feel like this eliminates people that normally would have been good matches if not for my diagnosis. I guess I'm still stuck on dealing with the stigma. I'm also struggling with how exactly I got this. I got my first outbreak after sleeping with a guy, we'll call him M. We were not very serious yet and he had become distant when I got my diagnosis. After I was diagnosed, I told him on a Sunday night, he got the blood test Monday, and Tuesday morning by 10am he had told me he was negative. Since then, he's been flighty and after a series of texts trying to get him to communicate better, he's begun to completely ignore and avoid me. We had always used protection so it seems unlikely it was him but he was initially very supportive and I'm confused why he suddenly began ignoring me. It hurt to be rejected while coping with the initial diagnosis. My previous partner was a long-term boyfriend but I hadn't had any symptoms then except some pain during sex, but nothing close to what I experienced with my first outbreak, so I don't think that was herpes. Or maybe it was... in any case, we haven't been in touch since our breakup a few months ago and I'm nervous to contact him. If he did give it to me, he doesn't know he has it and I worry he will outright reject and demean me if I tell him about it. I don't know... I'm sorry this was so long. I feel like I've talked about this to all of my friends but nobody really understands and it's hard to have no solid answers. It feels like the clinics and doctors are uninformed and the internet has so much conflicting information I never know what to trust. If you actually read all this, thank you, and I'm sorry for my rant.