Aimi

& I do know that full effectiveness does not mean zero chance of transmission. I just want to make sure I'm using the medication effectively. I might as well add- I think that I'm a little hyper-diligent with feeling these prodromes. I pop those pills at the slightest tingle/ itch to try and prevent an outbreak. & 99 % of the time, I'm successful. It makes me wonder if I was actually feeling symptoms or if I was just being paranoid. Is this better safe than sorry? Or could I be overdoing. I'm a bit unsure of how I'd negotiate this with my sex life... I wouldn't want paranoia to make things more difficult.

I do have a question! I was not on daily meds, only taking them whenever I felt prodromal symptoms. How long should I wait for the full effectiveness of them to kick in? For example: if I start today, after a week would it be safe to say that we can move into sexyland haha? I've been searching but not really finding answers. Xo!

Yessss, Thank you for your support Dancer! You don't even know. I am feeling soooo free in a million different ways! & FlyingPig, you can do it! I promise you, it's not nearly as scary as we imagine it to be. We torture ourselves with our fears, anxiety, and unwarranted feelings of inadequacy (Hsv does NOT warrant that ish). Your heart will feel so much lighter! Xo.

Okay, so I kept my word and had the talk with Him this past Sunday! (My first ever disclosure!) I can't say thank you enough for all of your words of encouragement, stories shared, advice given- it all made me feel a little stronger and a little less alone. You all are the bomb(est) ;) Long story short: Why the hell did I allow fear to suffocate my happiness for so long?? That's all it was. The fear was so much more disabling than hsv could ever be! He received and responded to my information with genuine compassion and understanding. He was less concerned with how it would affect him and more concerned with my own well being, emotional/physical health, and how I was coping with everything. He told me that he respected me even more than he did before. Said he admired my strength and courage and that I was rare. He let me know that I had nothing to be embarrassed about and even mentioned that it could have been a lot worse. We had a really deep connecting conversation about life, lessons, and how we can either be trampled by situations like these or triumph over them. (I'm trying to be a reflection of the latter!) He thanked me for giving him the chance to decide, saying that he knows I wasn't given that chance. I responded saying "I don't want you to feel pressured or obligated to say anything your unsure of so just take your time and let me know". In the end he continuously commended me for my honesty and maturity and how much he appreciated that. He said that I'm an amazing woman that he doesn't see me any differently, and that his feelings haven't changed. We even went on to talk about other random things as if I hadn't just dropped a bomb. To him, I really hadn't. The next day I got a text saying: "I want you to know that I think you are one of the coolest people I've met in my life... you're rare." & That is long story short haha. Now, I didn't post this as a success right away because I really wasn't sure. He said really compassionate things about me as an individual, but they didn't explicitly have to do with us and the future of our relationship (if any). I was still skeptical and maybe in disbelief at the fact that my fears were all wrong- all a lie. So even with the truth in my face, I couldn't believe it. Moreover, my emotions were all over the place. Not because of him, but because I have never felt so naked in my life (not even while actually naked lol). That feeling of raw vulnerability was something so foreign to me and I didn't know how to handle it. & It took me a few days to see that there was power in my vulnerability. Anyways, since that initial conversation, He has been absolutely amazing. We share a connection that can't even be put into words. Whether this will be my first and last disclosure, only time will tell. What I do know is that hsv has been a blessing in disguise. It has confined my potential partners to those who beam with empathy and compassion, those who are open-minded, risk-taking, and see the human despite the circumstance. Allll of these qualities are things that I should have never compromised- Hsv gives me no choice but to accept nothing less than everything I am worthy of. The search was harder but the find is 10 times more rewarding and meaningful. More importantly- boy aside: My awesomeness eclipses all of my unchangeable "flaws". Hsv taught me that. & That my friends, is a liberating realization. I am no longer waiting to exhale. Ever. I'm going to breathe through it all. The good, the bad. Just breathe. One day at a time. Xo.

Girrrl, I'm about to post on the success story board! =)

Thank you!! Everyone here is just so damn awesome. Tomorrow will be the day! Xo.

Hey Lovelies! We all need someone to talk to... confide in, share with. I'm down to be that for you if you're down to be that for me =). I live in Canada but that's why there's Skype! Near or far, just shoot me a msg. Xo!

I will keep everyone posted!

Thank you for all the advice!! Xo.

Waiit! Before you go lol I have another question... I would like to disclose to Him face to face however, I just don't know when. I guess I'm focusing too much on the details but it's hard not to. We live in different countries- border cities. So it's definitely not long distance, just a little more of a hassle. The next time we see each other, I will be crossing the border to see him and he always has a bunch of crazy neat things planned for us to do... Do I disclose before our night begins? At the end of our night? Or over the phone before plans are even made? Gahhh... *bangs head*

Thank you so much ladies! Elle- Thank you for sharing that with me. We have a lot in common. I was reading your post and felt like it was mine in so many ways. I admire your courage! It's definitely motivating me to work through my irrational fears. Especially when you say- "you do not have to SETTLE..." I swear, that's what I've done my whole life. With all of my insecurities (even before Hsv), I've never felt deserving. I would choose the wrong men because I figured no one else would want me... but you're right- I'm not damaged goods. You're even more right when you say that I have to accept and love myself FIRST. I never have up until now. It's almost ironic but Hsv is actually teaching me how to love myself- something I should have been doing all along. Congrats on finding a wonderful man btw- he's lucky :) Pam- I love your analogy of H being your Wingman! Love LOVE. I haven't experienced that because I have YET to disclose to anyone. Having that perspective makes the load much lighter. & It couldn't be more true. I have read some of the mini articles you left on the informational blog- you are the best. I am completely inspired. Thank you for the links, I will most definitely check them out! After reading what you ladies have said and also doing some more of my own research and soul searching- I'm positive now that I will disclose to Him (sooner than later). I refuse to rob myself of a potentially great thing for ridiculous reasons. Regardless of whether or not he walks/stays- I will have made great leaps on my journey of self-love. I am soooo ready for that. Thank you... thank you X 10!

Hey lovelies! Please do bear with me, this post will probably be giganormous. Firstly, THANK YOU... to Adrial and all the rest of you courageously beautiful individuals who share your stories and strength. I have been lurking since August 13' and there was once a time where I did not think my life was worth living... this site helped me overcome a heavy darkness. It propelled me onto a journey of self discovery and self love. I'm finally fixing pieces of me that were broken long before HSV came along. I still have a LONG way to go- relentlessly LONG. But at least I'm on my way. Words can't express my gratitude. Here's a little back story... I got Hsv2 from my ex. We were together for 4yrs and he is also the father of my son. He was never faithful and I didn't love myself enough to leave. I was diagnosed after I ended the relationship (for the last time) and I never felt hate until then. Built up so much resentment towards him and the only person it paralyzed was me. I was also dealing with the passing of my mother, school, work, and a baby- feeling completly defeated and slipping into a depression. I spent my nights crying and my days in therapy. In between the madness I was looking to the devil (Google) for answers. But hey, it eventually lead me here so I guess it's not complete evil. It took awholelotta' self-reflection and soul searching before I began to adopt a new attitude... actually, it was more like a transformation- an emancipation from the former me (the angry victim with zero accountability, a girl who never loved herself enough... if at all). Now, this is a process. I have my ups and downs and some days are harder than others. But I am finally on my way and (though I hate to admit it) I guess I have Hsv to thank for that. Here's where I need some advice! =) Since my diagnosis I have been celibate. Yup. No loving since before August of last year haha! I have dated around, but never met anyone worth letting in- up until now. He is amazing (thus far lol). We've been dating for about 3months and, in this short amount of time, we've grown really close. The last time I saw him things got pretty heated however, I was able to control myself. He actually commented on my self-control a couple days later... he asked if I was waiting for marriage and my response was "Well...nooo... I'm just waiting until I know that when it happens, you'll still be there the next day". He got the point and was completely understanding and we mutually agreed on taking our time to build trust etc. Now- obviously, on my end, there's a little more to the story. A big part of my self-control was Hsv. Long story not so short- I'm ready to tell him. I'm ready to disclose this intimate detail of myself for the very first time. I'm ready and waiting to exhale... not just because I do want to be sexually intimate with him, but because I also want to be completely emotionally connected to him and this "secret" is keeping me from doing that. I'm not my complete self and he senses that. Problem is- I'm afraid. So afraid that I have even contemplated ending things with him before they've even really began. The self that I'm trying to overcome creeps in and tells me that he's too good for me and that I'm not worth it or worth him... I wonder if I should do it now, wait some more, break it off... and if I wait some more- am I being decietful... but I want to do it now... I think. And I go back and forth over and over until I make myself sick. Eventually convincing myself that I just can't do this. Can't be with him. or anyone else. Can't love again... Like I said- this is a journey. Hardest journey of my life. But at least I'm on my way... Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much, in advance & I promise that I will no longer be a lurker. - Aimi Xo.