AW123

So I recently disclosed to a guy, we’ve been friends for a while and it started becoming something more so I decided to bite the bullet and disclose. He said he wanted to go away and read up, seemed fair enough. Since then he’s firmly placed me back in the friend zone without even discussing herpes further. In the few years since my diagnosis this is only the third potential partner I’ve disclosed too. I find the rejection really hard to deal with, to be rejected for this thing I have no control over and does not play an important part in my every day life just crushes me abit. I’m wondering if anyone has tried a herpes positive dating site? Previously I’ve not been a fan of the idea but the thought of another disclosure just fills me with dread

Hi I’m in the UK, I’ve been on suppressive therapy for about 18 months through a GUM clinic (sexual health). I was having outbreaks every couple weeks, my GP was useless and at first the clinic would only give me enough tablets to deal with an outbreak. Sadly you have to be persistent and pushy to get the suppressive treatment. Go to the clinic when you are having an outbreak so it’s on their system, GP and clinics don’t always share your data. You need to build up a record on the clinic system of outbreaks to show suppressive treatment is necessary. They will not give you more than 3 months treatment at a time. I normally make my next appt while I’m there, this is important as you need your appt to be with a doctor as they have the authority to sign off your tablets not nurses etc. Doctors are in short supply in clinics so they tend to only do set days. I attend a clinic 25 miles away from my house as it’s a better service than the one only 5 miles away.....so maybe try a different one if nearest isn’t helpful. Last pointer and it will probably sound odd but I saw a therapist for about a year (needed help to deal with herpes, shame I felt, disclosing etc) at one appt I mentioned that my counsellor thought it was important I continued my suppression tablets whilst I was working my way through mental health issues and the doctor quickly changed his tune and gave me the tablets. It seemed that the mention of a mental health impact from herpes made him keen to help. Good luck it’s not easy getting what should be basic medical help but bit of persistence goes a long way and at least it’s free 🤷‍♀️

Hi All I disclosed to a guy I was dating, he said he was ok with it but a few days later said he’d read online that he could catch it at any time because of shedding and so he ended things. In the 4 years since my diagnosis this is only the second person I’ve disclosed to or had sex with so needless to say I’m pretty gutted. Just wondering how people talk about transmission when they disclose. Do you mention shedding? Thanks

My ex knew he had hsv2, we discussed Sexual health before sex and he lied and said he was clear. When I contracted the virus he basically said well we are together and you wont leave me now as no one will want you so it doesnt matter. I am in the UK so no option to sue or look at criminal charges but if there was I would do it without a doubt. This virus has changed my life, people should be held accountable

You are not alone in feeling this way. I got diagnosed just over a year ago but have had hsv2 for over 2 years....for some reason the swabs kept returning negative so it took a long time to actually get diagnosed and proper treatment (just to add to the trauma of the whole thing). Sometimes I feel like you, like theres no point and i dont want to live with this. The depression has at points taken over. I recently started therapy to try to help with this, I guess it takes some of us longer to accept ourselves after finding out. I dont have any magical words to make this better for you but I think its about not letting this define you, and finding away to accept that its now part of you. Perhaps your focus needs to be more on you rather than a relationship which I think is what upsets you so much. If you can go to see someone, counsellor/therapist whatever I would recommend it.