elle789

@whitedaisies I have been in the same boat as you with GHSV1. So dang angry still coming upon 2 years..Which antiviral are you on? From July 2013 to May 2014, I wasn't on anything and had pretty much constant small outbreaks. Enough to send me into a deep depression. I then got on acyclovir and the physical outbreaks (one sore here, one sore there) stopped, although I had near constant prodromes and irritation. Finally, in October, I decided to go to planned parenthood and told them that what my gynecologist prescribed me wasn't working (she decreased the normal dose by half, so I was doubling up the dose and it still wasn't working)..... The Nurse practitioner there said that in a lot of cases, acyclovir doesn't work as well and suggested valcyclovir because generic valtrex recently became available. Soon after I started taking it, I noticed a world of difference. On occasion I still have weird itches and twinges, but it pales in comparison to before. Maybe you should try a different type of anti-viral?

I also abstained for almost a year because I never knew when it was safe and I was terrified to tell my new boyfriend (he waited for almost 5 months after we met). When I got my definitive results back and told him, he barely blinked an eye. He never mentions it and it is on my mind constantly, but we don't ever talk about it. It's like beating a dead horse. By careful I mean, suppressive therapy and condoms. Not to say we haven't had a few times that we didn't use condoms for a short period of time. I'm not on birth control so it's definitely needed anyway. I still worry when I have aches and pains here and there, but it's so often that I don't know what to think and I was angry at the thought of putting my life on hold forever. Every time he gets the slightest bit sick or works out too hard and his butt muscles hurt, I panic thinking I've given it to him. This thing really has a way of messing with your head. There's no sure way to tell when it's safe, but you'll get to know your body as time goes on. Since there is no way to tell for sure unless you're getting swabbed every day, I would suggest taking the proper precautions until things settle down. If you see any obvious irritation or inflammation, I wouldn't risk it. Nerves can be deceiving though. Another thing, not to get too personal, but oral sex doesn't have to be out of the question. We don't use rubber dams and HSV-1 prefers the mouth, so one would think that if I were as contagious as I feel all the time, something would have come up by now. Don't be discouraged!

I was diagnosed with GHSV-1 2 years ago this summer and for almost a year I had the shocks and nerve pains countless times a day. It seemed I had small outbreaks that were barely visible back to back. It was a constant reminder and I was miserable. But yes, it does eventually get better. I went on suppressive therapy and it has worked wonders. It took a couple of months though. I will still randomly have those shocks and an itch here and there every few days, but nothing becomes of it. I'm not sure what's going on, but I have been in a relationship for over a year and have not passed it on to my knowledge.I have been very careful though. This thing does not act typical and no two cases are the same. Many doctors won't listen. They know what they see in text books and will try to pin your neuralgia on something else- I will be a doctor myself next year and I feel I have an idea how they work. Find one who will listen. (My condition has sure helped with empathy). Bad news, there is no magic pill to cure the nerve pain. The nerves get irritated and it takes a while for them to heal and for the antibodies to kick in. Patience is key with this thing. The less attention you give it, the better it becomes...and time always helps (As well as long epsom salt baths)..and good news ---eventually you'll be able to drink wine & coffee AND eat chocolate & nuts again! (I couldn't do any of it at first)..Good luck with everything!

It's funny that the most sane, normal, happy person can go from "I want to live 500 years" to "Where is that sink hole?"....For a while, I almost romanticized the thought of death because I feel like all the good things were sucked away. You say, "If I had just had the surgery right away I would have avoided meeting the person I got HSV-2 from." This statement alone screams a thousand words. That never ending circle of what-ifs in your mind swimming around all day every day....And I think, "If that bottle of wine I bought for a friends birthday hadn't slipped out of my hand and busted all over the parking lot, I would have never met the guy I got H from." Fate happens everyday. That moment may have changed the course of my life forever. Why do we dwell when absolutely nothing changes besides our sanity? Every thing in life is temporary, even if it doesn't feel that way. I know we got stuck with ONE of the few things that doesn't exactly go away...But with time, feelings change. Perceptions change. And as quickly as your life turned for the worst, it can turn for the better. It may be tomorrow, it may be next year. But there is always a way out- and that way should never be through ending your own life. Your chance of a family is not ruined by a small virus. I guarantee if you look far enough in the future you'll be laying there old and gray, surrounded by people who love you and in that moment you will realize that your life was worth it. All the hardships meant something. By ending it now, think of how badly the people you would leave behind would feel. The circle would continue and they would be saying their "what-ifs". You are no coward. It takes a lot to open up....We are here and we all have had these feelings. You are not alone, not for a minute!

Hello Aimi! Welcome to the forum..I've been a lurker myself. I'm in my early 20s and was diagnosed in July of last year and this has, without a doubt, been the most stressful year of my life, even without the big H diagnosis. I was in the same boat as you. I had dated a guy for 3 months and liked him, but couldn't decide if it was worth breaking the news. Keep in mind, I had not been intimate since the diagnosis. I wanted to walk away so many times, leave him wondering why I left... In my mind he would at least still think of me as that "perfect untainted girl." I was back and forth at least 50 times. Then one night came and I decided before that night was over I would either tell him or end things. I wondered if I was just sabotaging a good thing because I felt like damaged goods.... Well, it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, but I did it.... And that is the night that a new chapter of my life started.. Everyone will respond differently, but if this man respects you and cares for you the way you do him, then don't be afraid. I had never had to be so vulnerable before and now I realize that is why all of my other relationships remained on a superficial level. While I hate how hsv makes me feel when I think about it, it did force me to seek things on a different level. We have been together 6 months now and he said that something like that would never change his mind about me. There are a lot of people out there who are uneducated, but make sure you present the facts and try to stay strong (The tears came despite the 80 times I had rehearsed it in my head). Fortunately, he is a doctor and I didn't have to explain the logistics of it all. He's also young and attractive..He could have anyone he wants, but he decided that I, despite what I felt about myself, was worth the risk. So you should know that you do not have to SETTLE for less. There are wonderful men out there who won't even blink and there are others who will walk away. That's just life. For 6 months I sat around an imagined myself being alone for the rest of my life, moving to NYC and buying some sperm from the sexiest man in the sperm bank. It's outlandish some of the things you feel when you're first diagnosed, but that's not real life. Life does go on. There are days I would think of death and how I would be fine with it and that was NEVER in my head before last summer came along. I was happy, accomplished and had a lot of advantages in life, but none of that seemed to matter after that "HSV cloud" got stuck over my head. It's finally starting to fade so that the sun can shine again. While it does help to have a companion you must realize that before a man can ever make you happy, you have to learn to accept and love yourself again. Have no doubt that there are great men out there who will see you for YOU! This is not the end of your story. However you decide to approach this, stay strong, Aimi!... We are all here for you!

I have thought about you all a lot recently. Although I haven't posted, I feel like I have a whole new family waiting for me when I need them. I have struggled with the best of you. Every day I tread along, slowing down to take note of things I never did before. While I do not feel blessed to have this little bugger of a gift, I do feel lucky to still be me and experience the same things I was always able to experience before. I have a friend who became a quadriplegic at 19 whenever he wrecked his dirt bike on his last lap of a practice round before going back home that evening. If he can sit there and tell me that his life is better now than it would have been otherwise, then I figured I really should re-evaluate my situation. Every day seems to be a roller coaster since my diagnosis in July, but things must continue and we each find our own coping mechanisms. I often find myself doing the same things I used to, but with less joy, and in creeps the thought, "Everything in life has a solution, except this ONE thing that I just had to get stuck with." ....But there are so many things that people cannot bounce back from and the big "H" should not be one of them. I know things won't ever exactly be the same and in the beginning it may seem like the absolute end of the world, but there is opportunity in everything- as Adrial constantly reminds us :) He truly was a blessing to talk to, as I have dealt with this completely alone. Maybe one day I'll share my story-that is if I don't sell it to Lifetime first :-p We all deserve happiness. There is no progress in dwelling. This year brought a new meaning to life, in more ways than one. Despite whatever our struggles may be, there is more good in life than bad. Embrace it. Take chances. Live. If nothing else, take into this next year a new mind-set. & Take just a minute to watch this commercial. =]