Hi I'm a 31 year old female from south africa. Firstly I would like to commend you on the support group I haven't officially been accepted but as a guest I see that many people find comfort there. I wish there where people around here to talk to about this. Furthermore not many people are clued and and educated about this so it seems pretty aweful to talk about. I had been In a relationship with someone for a year and we broke up for a while during that time I had met someone who I thought was the one... Anyways when you meet someone having a talk about any stds never happens so after about 2 months I ended up with an std and it was gonnoreah. Got myself treated and that person and I... Well I decided to just call it quites as I felt that he should have known or said something to me especially since talking to him about it, when he found out he was way too calm as though it's something he had known about. Thinking everything was over the guy that I had been seeing for a year we both had gotten back together and I had told him about the gonnoreah thing he decided to get treated just incase and we both carried on with our relationship. Just that after all the time of us being together the other day after having sex he notices a cut on his penis and well he's gone for tests. I've been screened for everything beside herpes. I'm scared of the outcome ive had no symptoms of anything I feel horrible that I could have been the one to give this to him. But even our relationship has not been one of exclusivity. He was also seeing another person so now I really don't know. I sit here and think that after all this and being so cautious about the people I let in my life that something like this could be happening. I'm a mother to a 4 year old girl. I'm so scared that I can give her something. It's been months of anxiety. I don't knw what sleep or food is because all I do is sit and think about this. The relationship I have with this person now ruined because I know this is alot for him to handle and its not something he wants to go through with me. He says that we will both get tested for whatever and sort ourselves out. I love him alot. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about all this that I could have caused. I don't know how to move on in my life how should I pick myself up and have the courage to go through any of this. I'm alone I have no one to speak to about any of this because I feel so ashamed. I feel like my life is over. I've been avoiding work for so long. Currently studying towards a degree but I don't even have the energy to sit with my books. Since November literally my whole world has just been collapsing around me.