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TheCat

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  1. You have NOT made me feel worse, you have made me feel less alone. And I feel DEEP empathy for you. If it weren't for my basic needs going unmet and knowing that I need to hang on for those in my life, I wouldn't still be trying to find a mate. I've been living with genital herpes for 14 years, and I've had plenty of dates, plenty of sex (so much good sex!!!), two marriages, and two babies all during that time. It is so incredibly possible to have a normal life with herpes. Lots of people don't really care. Some other people even have it. I actually didn't really have a hard time with disclosing it until more recently when I got pickier about men. I need a deeper emotional and mental connection now before I'll even think about sleeping with someone. So, things have gotten a lot more lonely lately. That's all. Here's how I usually think of it: I didn't choose to have herpes, but assholes choose to be assholes. I'd rather have an innocuous skin condition than a character defect. Because one of those things I didn't ask for and I can't change, and the other is an absolute choice. This is the lowest low I've ever experienced surrounding this issue in my life, and I'm already feeling better. What changes is never the world around me, but instead it's always my thinking. Sometimes my thinking is very narrow and dark. It gets that way when I'm exhausted, overextended, not having my needs met, stressed, etc. etc. It is very, VERY important that we be able to talk about our depression freely and openly, no matter how deep and dark it is. It's when we're forced into hiding that things get dangerous, because people feel ashamed and feel that they can't say what they need to. That's when they take drastic measures in seek of relief. So I'm so very glad that you commented on my post. You have no idea. I was starting to get bummed out that no one was saying anything. I was contemplating deleting my post and my account. I want you to go get the things that you need and want in life. Now!!!! ❤️
  2. Hi, DoesntDefineMe. Thanks for your reply. I'm really sorry to hear that you've had that experience with your mother. I don't know what it's like to be on that end of things. But I do know what it's like to be on my end of things. And I know it's really important to be able to say that I want to die without folks taking that as me saying I'm going to kill myself. Those are two different things, and a very important distinction. My kids are always set. They are taken care of, but I also deserve to be happy. I also deserve to have a life outside of motherhood. Also, this is not just about my dating life. This is about being physically alone. A lot. Which I'm trying to fix. And it's hard being in school, and having shared custody of my kids, and living alone. It makes for lots of alone time. I'm a pretty rad chick, and I do have high standards. I KNOW I deserve the best. I refuse to settle. This is why I'm still alone. I've been focusing on me for the past four years, and that's a really long time to be alone. So this is making life really, really hard. I'm alone and lonely. Two different things that I'm experiencing at the same time, and it's really intense. I'm kind of experiencing a unique time in my life in which I'm doing all the right things and I'm just having to ride out the difficulties. That's why I'm here on this forum. I'm just trying to reach out to others and hold on as best I can. Again, thank you for reaching out. It's what I crave. Human interaction.
  3. I have sentenced myself to herpes-only dating sites (which I've found to be the woooooorst), because I am so sick of having "the talk". The last time I had "the talk", he revealed that he had oral herpes. I was none too thrilled to hear that after we'd already made out quite a bit. I'm okay with oral herpes, even though I don't have it. I just want people to be honest with me, because I'm honest about my situation (which is genital herpes). So, after I tell him that I have genital herpes he proceeds to... ask for a blowjob. I haven't felt quite that humiliated in a very long time. He watched me struggle through the conversation, and then he straight up disrespected me. I was utterly mortified. I am a divorced mother of two with a full-time job as a civil servant for a very popular U.S. city, and I'm a part-time student. I am not some young, dumb, inexperienced no self-respect having whatever. On top of that, we were sitting in my car in the parking lot of a restaurant. What kind of a woman had he thought I was, I don't know. A woman of loose morals because I have herpes? I'm good-looking, smart, fun, hard-working, kindhearted, and all of these amazing things that turn men on. But I'm not some I-don't-know-what-you-wanna-call-it who goes down on men in parked cars. Fuuuuuudge! I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel so discouraged. People, people who think they know me, keep saying that I'll find someone. But they don't know about my diagnosis and how effing hard it is to date in this situation. They keep saying ignorant things like, "You're soooo cute, though! You're bound to find someone!" Herpes ain't cute, lemme tell ya. Ugh! I'm so lonely and so depressed that I'm starting to become suicidal. I've increased my therapy sessions to once a week. I'm trying to find in-person support groups in my area. I don't have my kids all the time, and being physically alone so much is taking a toll on my mental health. I can't take it any longer. I frankly just want to die.
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