abc123
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Posts posted by abc123
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Great story of forgiveness. I know I'm one of the many friends here who look forward to reading your posts. Thanks Herry. Love, abc123
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Thanks friends.... Because of the emotional trauma and catastrophic damage I caused myself and my ex (who still will never speak to me again) I am in no hurry to talk about this anytime soon. I am in therapy for all that, still trying to even forgive myself for what I did. Right now I am just not even interesting in dating. Perhaps in time, I will be able to take very small steps toward this goal. Ok, so I will continue to talk to my friend H, and let him know he can show himself every once in a great while, but with no "drama". Thanks again, abc 123
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I have been wondering about his as well. My very first outbreak was very very mild. No serious pain, itching, etc.... I started taking it immediately. However, I do not take it everyday single day anymore. I am trying alternate days of valtrex and lysine- and other various vitamins as well. There have been some weekends when I haven't taken valtrex or lysine at all. I decided to go on suppressive as soon as I was diagnosed because I figured my complete depression and constant stress over it would start triggering OB's... Which in turn would make me even more depressed and stressed out. However, nothing has happened. I'm thinking maybe I should stop the valtrex, and if I have an OB, then so be it. If I had a very mild first OB, does that mean any future OB will be equally mild? Thinking about it stresses me out a little bit. I an nowhere near dating, etc.... Nowhere near able to discuss this with anyone, no where near even knowing what I would say to a potential partner. I want to be able to have some control over this, but don't want it running my life. Any advice?
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@herry... Thank you for your inspirational posts. I look forward to logging in and reading everything you have to share. Everyone here really is an angel. Thanks friend. abc123
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@ashley..... Thank you for sharing your story. You have inspired many of us. If you can make it though this, we can too. My ongoing pity party for myself officially ended when I read your story.... I read it about 3 times. Next time I think I'm having a bad day, I will think of you and say a quiet prayer. Pleas keep us posted on how you're doing. Love, prayers and hugs, abc123
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I hope to be a strong as you are one day. I am awesome at shaming myself and hating myself. Some days are better than others, but generally, I feel so much shame most of the time. I guess it takes time. Thanks for sharing. abc123
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I never thought in a million years that this herpes support system and the fine people here could make me laugh so much. It sure is better than crying about it. abc123
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@strawberrygirl..... Girl!! You need to get your head on straight. "I'll just pretend I'm a-symptomatic.... " did you really just say that on a herpes support forum? Reading that part of your post sent me into a downward spiral of anxiety and then just kinda pissed me off, quite frankly. You sound like an intelligent, loving and kind person. You sound like you are in tremendous pain as well. We ALL understand how that feels. I have felt as worthless and unloveable as you could possibly imagine. I have often thought of throwing myself off the nearest cliff, bridge or nearest building. I often too feel like "what's the fucking point to all this if I have to one day TELL someone I have herpes. I'd rather be hit by a speeding truck." Let me tell you how it feels to have potentially lied to someone you love and care about. I was one of the millions of people who had herpes (from viral shedding! Sneaky mother f#cker that viral shedding!!) and didn't know it. However, I DID know that my now ex-partner had it (he disclosed to me very early in our relationship). Read my personal herpes story for the additional details.... It's pathetic to say the least. My story ended very very very badly because I basically lied. And I didn't even MEAN to lie, I honestly did not know that I had herpes, but I knew that I had been exposed to it. Therefore, in turn exposed someone to the virus without giving them the choice. Oh Lord, worst thing EVER. Don't do it. Lying about it or "pretending" you are a-symptomatic is a very very very bad idea. I cannot even imagine why you would choose to do this. You absolute can pass it to another person by viral shedding... Meds or no meds, condoms, laundry bleach or hand sanitizer, etc, etc, etc.
Looking back on my own horror story, I probably would have had a way better chance of keeping my then boyfriend-- and him being more sympathetic and understanding if I had told him that I had a previous relationship with someone who had herpes. I'm not 100% sure he would have stuck by me! but the results would have been better than the day I had to call him and tell him I was positive for herpes- and I had prior knowledge of it when I was in that relationship. I totally could have lied to him that day and said " I didn't know my previous partner had it, and he infected me without my knowledge." He probably would have stayed. I could have spun that story to my benefit, thrown my previous partner under the bus and placed all the blame on him! I could have been a big huge liar about it to cover my own ass. But then I would have to live the rest of my life, looking in the mirror knowing I was a huge douche bag for lying.... And then living with that lie! There is no way on Earth I could live with myself. No way. Once you become a liar about this, then you have to stay a liar. Think about it this way..... You get involved with someone and do not disclose. You sneak your meds, you protect yourself and your partner as best you can, you go to bed each night and look in he mirror each morning knowing you are keeping a big secret that could potentially hurt someone else, someone you care about. I guess you could hide your valtrex pills in another container and say they are your daily multivitamin. Lock yourself in the bathroom to do a self check if you feel an OB coming on. If you have an OB, then you'll have to create another lie as to why you can't have sex for a week or so, maybe 2 weeks, just to be safe. That seems like heavy burden for anyone to carry. Then, time moves on, and you hope and pray that your partner doesn't wake up one day with a funny itch or blister and wonder "where the fuck did this come from?" What if you pass it to your partner and he has an outbreak before you decide to disclose? Now your are in big- time -up-a-shit-creek-without-a-paddle. Then what do you say? Do you come clean then, or continue to lie and and do a shifty reverse role/blame your partner for potentially having herpes and giving it to you? Do you see what I mean here?? Disclose 2 years into your relationship, and then think your partner will understand why you lied? That is a big gamble. The whole thing is the most disasterous ideas of all time. A doctor told you to lie about it?? Really? That just doesn't seem right to me. I hope in time you will see that this option will end up biting you in the ass even worse. You simply just can't-- from a moral standpoint-- you can't do it. You have opened up to us here. You are here for support... And you are in good company. Coming on to this site and basically telling all of us that you WILL lie about it makes us a bit uneasy and upset. We know you are hurting, we all feel that way. Herpes is not going to ruin your life, but knowing and openly lying about it eventually will. We honestly wish you the best. abc123
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DamagedLotus.... Oh, I just want to cry after reading your story. We are similar in the self loathing and deserving the suffering or wanting the punishment of feeling so bad ---you want to kill yourself. I spent the first 2 months of my diagnosis in that same hell. I know how you feel. Many nights I would have just rather swallowed the bottle of pills and end the pain, shame, suffering and self hatred. I too felt like I was cheated out of a good future. But I'm telling you, you can't think that way. It will get better. I agree with Dancer, you sound clinically depressed. And I know what that means. You should most definitely get some help for that first. I have been in therapy and on anti anxiety meds. That helped tremendously. It at least gets me through the day with out crying. I cry--- if I need to when I get home from work. I also feel like you should go on valtrex for future outbreaks. Honestly, having herpes sucks, and you're right, it's not fair. Victoria mentioned that life is not fair. I agree with that too. There are many things in life that are not fair. Ask anyone with cancer. We are here for you on this site. Take some time and read through some of these stories. It is going to take a lot of time. I wish I could give you a big hug. Just think of all the friends you have here that know how you feel and will be thinking of you. Hugs, abc123
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Love the "Who's On First" reference....thanks for asking/answering these questions... And making it funny, too!
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That is quite a story. Welcome to the group. Hang in there. Hugs, abc123
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Hang in there mindisblown. I know it's hard, but you can make it through. And thanks Herry for always making us laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. Hugs, abc123
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These are all good questions. My question is this: why do some people have severe OB's, with very painful blisters, general pain, pain during urination, etc... While others have very mild, almost non existent symptoms? I am "positive" I was passed the infection during a time when my then partner had viral shedding. My OB didn't happen for a long, long, long time after that. Hence,I never knew i had it. So, if you contact the virus through shedding, does that generally mean your symptoms take longer to appear and less severe? It's so confusing. And I agree with being really, really mad knowing NOW that unless you specify you want an H test with your blood work, they don't automatically test you for it. How f'cked up is that? If I take my medication every day, does that mean I will never have another OB again? Or at least a very mild one? Thanks guys, hugs, abc123
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Very inspiring.... All of you.... Thank you for sharing.
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Unbelievable story hubbub.... Simply amazing. Acceptance and forgiveness like that is a gift. Many of us do not have a story like this, a story with a truly happy ending for both people. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Your story inspired me. Hugs, abc123
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Wow Herry.... And I thought my own H story was bad. I feel terrible for you. You sound like a great guy with an even bigger heart and compassion for people. When the 'karma train' comes back around, if I were her, I would be scared. I agree, I think you should tell the boyfriend as soon as you can. It is the right thing to do. I'm glad we're all here together to talk about our stories, fears, feelings and future hopes. Keep us posted... We want to know what happens next in your journey. Hugs, abc123
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Wishing everyone here a wonderful and exciting New Year. Here is to a fantastic 2014!
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I liked your story New Moon. Let us know how you're doing.
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Hi ColorMyWorld... Let us know how you're doing. Thanks Herry foe making us laugh.
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Elle789-- your post is wonderful. Thank you for putting it into perspective. Big hug.
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That is a great story. Thanks for sharing.... Hugs.
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Greta story. Thanks for sharing.
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Wow. Reading your responses really feels like I have someone here to talk to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would like to take some time to respond to you all. I am in therapy now. I am not sure if it's working, but I am willing to go and work through some of my other issues. I have not drank in about 6 weeks. i have never 'not drank' in my life. it is helping me think more clearly. I guess I feel like whatever issues I have with Mark, how he treated me, etc...is not really my issue now. I am trying to put the shoe on the other foot. How would I feel if someone did this to me? If this was a one night stand I had with a stranger, and didn't know this person had the virus and I woke up the next morning, said 'goodbye' and went on with my life-- and then later I started dating Mark again ( or anyone else) and then later in our relationship found out that-- whoops-- I caught herpes from that one night stand, then this would be so very different. If this virus wasn't so damn tricky to figure out AND if it wasn't highly contagious, it would be no biggie. I could live with a pesky few blisters every once in a while and take my pills, and it would clear up. Anyone can do that. What bothers me is my lack of judgement and my decision making process. If it would have only affected myself, than that would be ok, I could eventually get over it. I would feel as badly as i do now. 3 lives have been affected negatively because of this. I still live in fear that Mark's blood test is not accurate. I do not have a 100% guarantee that he is perfectly fine and does not have this virus. This is very hard to live with everyday. Can you imagine how I will feel if it turns out he is positive?! It would be unbearable. My friendship with David will never be the same. Mark hates my guts. These things bother me. It bothers me more because I am the source of the problem. The fact that Mark is not that decent of a guy is not really my issue. If I find out that I gave someone herpes --intentionally or not, it is not something I would be able to forgive myself for. That process would take years and a whole lot of therapy. I hope I am making sense. I so appreciate the love and support here. You all are amazing, loving and caring people. Please do not think I am not taking your messages and advice to heart-- I am. I promise. It feels good to have people who care about me. I look forward to responding with you more.
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Solomon, your story made me cry. I know how you feel. It is so hard to read other people's stories because of the intense amount of pain I know you are in. I wish you the very best in life and I hope you will stay on this site and let us know how you are doing now. Love, abc123
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I didn't tell him I have herpes - what do I do next?
in The herpes talk: disclosing
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Abbey road... Herry has a big "chip" on his shoulder? No way! He is like the fearless leader of H and Humor! And that is a tough combination sometimes! Go back and REread some of his posts. No one here is "awful people".....we listen and read and offer support. Sometimes brutal honesty is best, but he means no harm to anyone and truly cares for everyone here. ;)