abc123

@thisisgoingtobeokay.... Well, I've had a rough week. Been saying my daily affirmations. Positive thoughts. I do cry a little bit during the week, but been making ' deals' with myself... As in--"you can't cry today, you can cry on Saturday when you are off from work...." Well, your story broke my deal today. But HAPPY tears. What a great story. We are all so happy for you!it gives us all hope. Xoxox big hug abc123

What a great story.... Good for you. And yeah, "f$ck you, herpes!"

@Dancer....and everyone in this post....thank you for the information. Dancer, you summed it up for me. 'If you are not currently having an outbreak you are asymptomatic.' I would still like to hear from more people here who are h+ or with a partner who is h+, and are taking precautions and their partners have remained h-. I'm pretty convinced by now that if my last partner would have been constantly on anti- vitals, it would have prevented me from getting this virus.... Or at least drastically lowered it. "David" and I have remained friends and he is currently dating a new girl. I raked him over the coals with a severe tongue lashing that he better move Heaven and Earth to keep her h-. Meds, everything. He told me that he has already disclosed to her and that "she doesn't care... It doesn't matter to her"... Which is great. However, he did pass it to his ex wife in the later years of his marriage, then to me, and I told him if he does this to one more person that I will kill him! I too made a poor choice when I continued a sexual relationship without knowing the facts. Paying the price of that dumbass move on my part has cost me a lot in my emotional well being and I feel robbed me of a future with any new partner. Now that he is madly in love with her and she with him, she might "not care" now.... But if she ends us contracting h and for some reason their relationship ends down the road...she will MOST definitely care.

Ahhhh....@ hope42morrow.... Your story and comments really touched me. I too feel exactly like you. Being very strong for so long, but tired on the inside. That loop playing in your head over and over, or that quiet whisper in your ear. Solving and confronting all kinds of problems, but this one.... Can't be solved, can't be cured, can't be forgotten. Not even for a little while, for just a small break and some peace in our minds. Feeling damaged, feeling less than everyone else. I too was just saying the other day, "I am a strong person, I can do almost anything, I have survived a lot, but even I am weak sometimes, no man is an island, I am not made of stone. Even I have to ask for help and guidance." Being isolated when I have so many friends who want me around, to go out, meet new people. Sometimes it's just too much to put back on the brave face and smile when you feel like dying. @amillionthings is also a person I can relate to on many levels. So many people here are feeling the same things and just need a place to "be". You are in the right place. I don't know where I would be without this site. In many ways, it literally saved my life. All of your stories have saved my life, And for that, I thank you all. Hugs, abc123

Holding this over your head is a nightmare for you. I can't imagine doing this for 7 years. He doesn't understand that it it making it impossible for you to get over it, forgive yourself and move on. If I had someone reminding me of it over a period of 7 years, I think I would literally go insane. I feel so badly for you. I'm sure you tortured yourself about it enough. We all know how that feels. I think therapy might help. If he is feeling "trapped".... Then that is a red flag to let the person go. We will all be thinking of you and wishing you the best. Let us know how you're doing. Hugs for you. abc123

Happy Birthday to yoooouuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

Hi there... @ justagal85. I guess you could look under the link of "my herpes story" and look for 'Worst Herpes Story Ever- parts 1-6'. I exposed someone to it, even though I didn't know I had it. They ultimately tested negative, but it bothers me everyday. It didn't end well. I work on my guilt over it on a daily basis, so I know what you mean. My first breakout was the last week of September 2013, officially diagnosed on October 4, 2013. It has only been just recently that I have felt a little better. But no outbreaks since. From what I remember, the outbreak didn't last long. Those few weeks are a blur. I too see a therapist now- since November because I was traumatized and depressed- it's always good to have someone to talk to. I would recommend anyone who has tested positive needs to see a therapist! Yes, the stigma is the worst. Unfortunately I don't see that changing in the world anytime soon. That's why being on this site is so great. Everyone here is loving and supportive. It's nice just knowing there are many of us in the same boat, same fears, same feelings. Good to hear back from you. It sounds like you are off to a great start and with the love and support from your fiancé, things will be fine. Hugs, abc123

@justagal85.... I read your story. I too had some questions about be asymptomatic, etc.... I had the virus for a long time before I even had my first breakout.... Which was mild, no pain, etc.... You can read my story if you'd like, but it's not one with a happy ending like yours. You are very, very lucky to have your man supporting you. There are a lot of people here who have non frequent breakouts. I've only had one since October 2013. Was on meds for a while, then off. Nothing has happened. I do try and take care of myself and take vitamins and lysine. Anyway, I am very curious that he have been with your fiancé for a long time, didn't know you had the virus, and he is fine? I have been trying to find any information ( for myself and my own curiosity) of any couple where one is h+' the other h~, and not passing on the virus-- when precautions are taken. Not trying to be nosy, just curious. For what I have read and researched it seems like the anti- viral really make a huge difference... Which gives people like me hope for a normal loving relationship like you have. You give all do us single gals a lot of hope! Thank you for sharing your story.

@dancer.... If I am taking 500 ml of vacyclivor now, would make a difference if I was taking 1000 ml if I were in a sexual relationship?? Hypothetically speaking, let's say I knew I was going to have sex on a Saturday.... If I increased my dosage for a week before, would that make a bigger difference? And are there any stories here of anyone who has been in a relationship where the h+ person was on daily suppressive a AND using condoms AND every other precaution, and their partner eventually did get herpes anyway? Are there any statistics on this? Just some random thoughts I've been having. Thanks....abc123

Hi @amillionthings..... I am doing ok. Some days are great, some days totally suck. I too hope you are well in life. It makes me feel better just knowing you're out there in the world. :) big hug abc123

Thanks Dancer.... You are always so helpful. Next time I want to speak to my actual Doctor.... I will just leave a message for her to call me back! Gracias!

Yes....sorry about the double post. I'll be more careful in the future with the "post comment" button.

Hello friends, I've been in hiding for a while, but I still read and comment here almost everyday. It makes me feel better reading stories and keeping up with comments, etc.... Anyways, I decided to call my Doctor to ask and confirm some of the information I have been gathering since I tested positive for HSV-2 last October. I know many people have commented that many medical professionals are drastically out of date with current information. So when I called, my Dr was not available, so I spoke to her assistant. Let's call her Becky. Becky seemed like she had no clue what she was talking about and struggled to answer a few basic questions. She actually put me "on hold" twice so she could ask someone else to give me an answer. Some of what she said was conflicting to the information I have found/ read here. So if anyone wants to chime in.....just to make me feel better...please jump right in! First of all, my very first outbreak was very mild. Small blister, on my skin about 1/2 inch from the outside vaginally, nothing painful, no itching, no pain. I immediately went on my meds because I was sure the severe trauma and stress of my misery, anxiety and major depression would cause even more breakouts-- causing more emotional pain and misery=more outbreaks. Honestly, I've been waiting for something to appear, but nothing. Then I figured since I'm not in a relationship, why bother taking meds? I may as we'll wait for another outbreak so I will know what to expect. So, then I didn't take the meds for a while. Nothing appeared. So...here is my first question. Can asymptomatic also mean there is a long period of time between outbreaks? Versus getting outbreaks once a month, every 2 months, etc...? I guess if many years go by with no symptoms, that would mean you are basically asymptomatic? If you are taking daily suppressive therapy, then how would you know if a breakout was even coming? Also if I am HSV-2, (on suppressive medication) this means I could receive and perform oral sex with very small risk of passing it to a partner orally via his penis- or passing it vaginally to his mouth? And kissing isn't a problem, right? I've been reading the transmission rates from HSV-2 female to herpes free male, and with suppressive meds, it is very low. Hypothetically, how long before I engage in any sexual contact should I be on medication? A week, 2 weeks? Becky seemed clueless to most of these questions and then told me not to trust too much information I am getting on the internet. It made me laugh. Anyone want to comment? Thanks friends. abc123

Hello friends, I've been in hiding for a while, but I still read and comment here almost everyday. It makes me feel better reading stories and keeping up with comments, etc.... Anyways, I decided to call my Doctor to ask and confirm some of the information I have been gathering since I tested positive for HSV-2 last October. I know many people have commented that many medical professionals are drastically out of date with current information. So when I called, my Dr was not available, so I spoke to her assistant. Let's call her Becky. Becky seemed like she had no clue what she was talking about and struggled to answer a few basic questions. She actually put me "on hold" twice so she could ask someone else to give me an answer. Some of what she said was conflicting to the information I have found/ read here. So if anyone wants to chime in.....just to make me feel better...please jump right in! First of all, my very first outbreak was very mild. Small blister, on my skin about 1/2 inch from the outside vaginally, nothing painful, no itching, no pain. I immediately went on my meds because I was sure the severe trauma and stress of my misery, anxiety and major depression would cause even more breakouts-- causing more emotional pain and misery=more outbreaks. Honestly, I've been waiting for something to appear, but nothing. Then I figured since I'm not in a relationship, why bother taking meds? I may as we'll wait for another outbreak so I will know what to expect. So, then I didn't take the meds for a while. Nothing appeared. So...here is my first question. Can asymptomatic also mean there is a long period of time between outbreaks? Versus getting outbreaks once a month, every 2 months, etc...? I guess if many years go by with no symptoms, that would mean you are basically asymptomatic? If you are taking daily suppressive therapy, then how would you know if a breakout was even coming? Also if I am HSV-2, (on suppressive medication) this means I could receive and perform oral sex with very small risk of passing it to a partner orally via his penis- or passing it vaginally to his mouth? And kissing isn't a problem, right? I've been reading the transmission rates from HSV-2 female to herpes free male, and with suppressive meds, it is very low. Hypothetically, how long before I engage in any sexual contact should I be on medication? A week, 2 weeks? Becky seemed clueless to most of these questions and then told me not to trust too much information I am getting on the internet. It made me laugh. Anyone want to comment? Thanks friends. abc123

Yes, I agree with experience... It was probably the worst feeling having to tell you. Hence the wine! It is agonizing to say the least. She does care about you deeply because she was obviously very nervous about it. Yes, she should have told you before you slept together. But if you care for her, think about it and let your heart lead you. Many relationships are perfectly fine. Let us know what happens. Most of all be kind. abc123

Wow...great story standoff. This is the kind of ending we all dream about. Thanks for sharing. Xo abc123

I agree...anyone you might disclose to, and they end up rejecting us, does not make them an a&&hole. It's a sensible choice for them to make. Looking back on my own situation, I should have walked away then, but I didn't. Now I have to live with the complete devastation it has caused me. So, I would not imagine that anyone would choose to be with me. Not knowing that I could cause this kind of pain to anyone else... It's just too much to even consider.

All I can say is... I totally relate to every word. I joined this site last Fall. I was diagnosed on Octber 4, 2013. I poured over this site until I was brave enough to post my story. You have me beat....my story was very, very, very long. Many posts. Not sure if you read my dreadful litany of how I got here. My partner was honest with me and told me up front, but I still made the wrong choice of going into a sexual relationship with him. It's my own damn fault. That is what kills me too. So, if you're wondering if anyone can understand you.... I do. very single word you wrote it exactly what I have felt all these months. Some days are better than others, but it is always lingering in my mind. The lying upkeep is exhausting. A friend of mine wants to set me up with a guy friend of hers because she thinks we would be a good match. Just the thought of going on a date and even thinking about telling this secret makes me want to jump of a cliff. How could I tell someone? The pain is too much to bear. Honestly at this point, I just don't see how it will ever happen. So, you and I are exactly alike in that regard. It hurts, I know. If you've been dealing with this for 5 years and it hasn't gotten better, than I'm very scared to think about my future. I too am a very strong person with a great career, a loving family, tons of wonderful friends, a lot of respect in my field, funny, intellegent, compassionate, kind and fun loving. But this--- this has ruined me--has brought me to the edge of despair on many occasions. I'm also just a really good actress and hide my pain and misery very well. Almost too good, because at times I even believe my own lies. Read my story. I'm abc123-- look for: Worst Herpes Story Ever. Thank you for sharing your story. There are many wonderful people here who are supporting and loving and kind. You will have a lot of encouraging words to help you. We're glad you found us. You're in good company. Many hugs for you....abc123

I agree....thanks fitgirl.

Thank you for the info!

@chuck.... I totally understand the irony of your story. I had different circumstances, but in the end, yup, very ironic that I ended up here as well. Anyways, this is a great site with a lot of support. I was diagnosed in October and still have bad days about this, but it is getting better. It will for you as well. Keep your chin up and let us know how you're doing. Hugs, abc123

@kathy... I share your feelings about this site and the people here. We're all in good company!

I love these stories... Thanks for sharing ladies. Hugs, abc123

@Kanoa... I enjoyed reading your story and thoughts... Especially about forgiveness. My story is a bit different than yours--and I am the one left trying to forgive myself and also wondering if I could ever be forgiven as well. I have good and bad days, but it's always in the back of my mind that I haven't forgiven myself... And don't think I will ever be forgiven in this lifetime. I agree, it's helped me work harder on my own personal issues-- that were always there even before H. Thanks for your insight. Is there any way to capture the spider and release him back outside? I'm a huge animal lover (no matter how many legs)... Try not to kill him! Hugs, abc123

I really like the jar idea. Thanks for sharing. abc123