NJRunnerMom
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Posts
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Posts posted by NJRunnerMom
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I am sooooo happy to hear this! Congratulations!!! There are good men out there who will understand and care about us regardless of our H status. I'm so happy for you!
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I'm sorry he reacted that way. He's definitely not the guy for you anyway. I'm not sure but maybe you disclosed too soon especially if you saw signals, like him being overly nice. Either way, keep your chin up and move on. There will be someone for you, trust me. I just had my first disclosure and he accepted me just as I am. You will find someone too!
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I'm still new to this but my OBGYN made it seem like it wasn't a big deal but I don't think they realize the emotional and mental part of this. I'd like to think that the older you get, the more mature people you'll meet who will care more about companionship than the sex part, not that it's not important but it's not at the top of the list. Keep smiling and putting out the positive vibes!
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I've been seeing this guy for about a month now and he's everything I've been looking for. Things have been going great and I knew it was time to say something. I have been practicing, reaching out to friends for support and advice...I was terrified. So tonight we had a date and I made it so that he picked me up and our date ended by him dropping me off. We were saying goodnight in the car and I knew it was now or never, I couldn't keep this in anymore. I went through my speech and said what I needed to, and then waited to hear him. He said that it's not a dealbreaker at all and that it changes nothing. He actually thought that there was something wrong with him or that I wasn't sexually attracted to him. I told him it was quite the opposite but that this conversation had to happen first. He thanked me for telling him too. I'm not going to lie, that was one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was the right thing to do and as of now, he's accepted me.
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From what it sounds like, he probably has it too. And in my opinion you did what you were supposed to do and disclosed to him. If he's being unfaithful to his gf, that's really not your problem to be honest. It's on him to get tested, take the proper precautions, and tell her, not you.
Good luck with whatever happens but I don't feel that this falls on you.
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11 minutes ago, Askingforgrace said:
I just have a question. I was just diagnosed 3 days ago. Life has literally been hell until I was diagnosed and started treatment. Valtrex causes me dibilitating headaches, nausea, and vomiting, so my doctor changed me to Zovirax. My question is how well does suppression therapy work? My doctor is vey optimistic that I may never have a flare up if I do this. She said if I do feel one coming on I can up the medication to prevent it. Anyone have this experience?
Thank you
Hi There. I was diagnosed in January of this year and have been on Valtrex ever since. So far, no more OB's since the first one.
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9 minutes ago, Whyymeee said:
Thank you both @NJRunnerMom and @~Minerva~ .. I know what your saying is right, I’m really just staying with him out of fear. I got to do what’s best for me and unfortunately I got to take my baggage with me... thank you both for your real words of advice 😘
Try not to look at it as baggage, it's just a small part of your life that if taking the proper steps can be very manageable and safe for you and a partner. Will you get rejected because of this, possibly, but unless you really put yourself out there, you'll never know. You need to do what's best for you. Don't settle, that never leads to anything good anyway, you're just prolonging the inevitable. Cut ties, do some soul searching and try to work on accepting yourself and then when you're ready, head back into the dating world. Is it scary...yes, but is it worth it...that only you can answer. ((HUGS))
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Hey there. I'm so sorry you're going through this but you deserve better, in fact you'd be better off alone then be with someone who's cheating on you and finding comfort in other women. That's just not cool and HSV or not, no one deserves that. It's been 5 months of this for me and I just got back into the dating world and am seeing a really great guy but the thought of having to disclose this makes me sick but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone either so that's the risk we now have to take. I'm ready to take the risk of disclosing and rejection vs a lifetime on loneliness. You have to find a way to accept the new you and realize that you're more than this and you're worth more than some guy who treats you like second best. Don't hinge your happiness on him because he now has this too. You are worth more!
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9 hours ago, DeMar said:
Thanks Distressed Lady,
We texted more last night and she told me more about what she is going through, and it is awful. Herpes was so different for me, I didn't even notice I had it! Yet she is going through huge pain, swollen lymph nodes, pain in her groin, arm pit, tonsils, under her neck, and the pain in her groin is so intense. Added to that she is feeling very very low about herself, she is angry at herself, and at the world, and she is having trouble seeing a future quality of life. She can't contemplate any future love life or sex life right now although she says she still loves me, but the thought of sex now makes her feel sick and terrified.
And so she wants to end it, and continue her life on her own, forever single.
I am heartbroken yet I cannot believe this is hte end of it... although I know it may well be. For now we are still in touch and I care immensly for her and will do anything I can to support her, even if it means ending our relationship. I still feel everything is too fraught right now and uncertain. And I feel awful but I can't give up on us until I know for certain it is over.I'm sorry this is happening. Maybe once the symptoms subside and she starts to feel better then she'll come back around.
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Thank so you much for all of that @Flowerteacher55. I personally would like to wait it out but I don't feel right if he were to ask me to become exclusive and didn't know this first so that's why I'm trying to prepare myself, just in case. And if not, which is okay, it'll give me more time to practice it for when the time does come.
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So I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, seen each other 3 times, and have the 4th date coming up. We have great conversations and I like him a lot but know that there's a possibility that I'm going to have to tell him about this sooner than later. I've spent the last 2 days combing through disclosure posts in this forum and there's so much information on it and different experiences. I would like to wait a little more but don't want him to feel that I led him on either. Adrial says to wait until you can trust them with your vulnerability but I don't exactly know what that means and my biggest fear right now is him asking me to be exclusive without knowing this. I want to be prepared with what to say so that if this comes up before I feel I'm ready that at least I know what to say. As much as I'd like to hide behind a text message I feel that this should be done in person so that's my plan as of now. We never talk on the phone so I don't think that would be a good option.
This is what I've got prepared from all of the posts I've read. How does this sound? Should I add/remove anything, say something differently, use other words, etc.
"You know I really like you and really enjoy the time we're spending together and where things are going however before they go any further there's something important that I need to share with you because I care about you and I respect you. I have HSV2, which is a virus that causes cold sores. There's a lot of misinformation and false stigma out there but in reality its a skin condition that many people have and never experience any symptoms; it doesn't interfere with my everyday life, nor is it a big deal for me. It also hasn't stopped me from dating or define who I am. It's a very manageable virus and I'm on a daily antiviral to help suppress it. I'm not sure what you know about this or how you feel or if this is a deal breaker but I'm happy to answer any questions you may have and would like to know your thoughts about this. And if you need some time to think this over and do your own research that's okay too."
TIA
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5 minutes ago, Sarah317 said:
I was seriously depressed about so much last night; have been actually for a few days. I am usually pretty positive. Woke up this morning with my lower back aching and shooting pains in my legs. I’ve only had the virus for two months and was doing so well. I upped my l-lysine and made sure I walked today. It is what it is.
I'm sorry you felt that way. It's so hard at times, I get it. I was having a rough night last night too because I met someone and the anxiety of having to eventually tell him about this was just too much. Today is a bit better and I hope you start to feel a little better too. Hang in there.
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4 minutes ago, Southpaw said:
Can someone please help me with how you would tell someone you were seeing that you carry HSV? And, how many dates do you think one should be told? I'm not dating, and haven't for years simply because I got tired of having my teeth kicked in all the time (before I knew my issue).
But someday, I'd like to think I could have something with someone. Thank you.
I wish I had the answer to this. I finally just got out there and have seen this guy 3 times already, we met for the first time on 5/10 and were talking for a few days before that. I'm not at a point where I'm ready to have the conversation but I have a feeling the time is coming soon. I've already started writing out what I want to say and how to say it so I can start practicing it now. I'm terrified of it though since this will be my first disclosure and it can go good or bad and the thought of rejection is gut wrenching. But this is the only way to try and not be alone for the rest of my life.
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Thank you for sharing this. I'm almost to the point where I may be having to have this discussion for the very first time since getting H in January and I am terrified.
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I was just prescribed Bupropion and I haven't had any issues. It's been almost 2 weeks.
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Don't let 1 man change the way you feel about yourself. You disclosed, he knew the risk...what happened after that is not your fault. And let me ask you this, do you really care about someone who cares that little about you and your feelings? Clearly he doesn't trust you and that's a huge problem.
Roll with the punches but get back up and keep your head held high.
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Have you by chance thought about the way you are disclosing? Maybe that has something to do with it.
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Hey there, yes there are people who read these and are here for support. Unfortunately I don't have any info on your specific topic as I'm not in a similar situation. I'm sorry that he got it and all I can say is to be there for him as much as he will let you. He knew the risk and took the chance, you did everything right. This stupid virus absolutely sucks and I hope things work out with you.
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I love this! Thank you for sharing it with us and have a great "dinner"!!!
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This is great to hear! I haven't dated since January when I got this but I just put myself back on a dating site so we'll see what happens. I'm not as confident as I was before this but you've got to start somewhere right??!!
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3 minutes ago, Sarah317 said:
also, I meant to post this on the other thread... I stopped the Valtrex. It was worsening my depression even taking it at night. I really don’t need it right now. I will give it another shot when I am happier and maybe do half (500mg). I just don’t need anything chemically assisting with keeping me down.
Thanks for that and I did the same thing. I'm not seeing anyone and I haven't had another OB yet either so I got off of it too.
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Hey Sarah. Thanks for posting this. I need to go back and read this today. Not really feeling it right now. I'm feeling lost, broken, unwanted, etc. This thing has really broken my spirit about life. I'm up and I'm down...it's a daily struggle. My only hope is that time is the key to all of this because right now I don't feel like this will ever get better.
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It took a good 2 weeks from the onset of the pain for the pain to be completely gone for me. In the interim try using a squirt bottle filled with water and squirt it on the site when you pee to try to ease some of that pain and then dab dry the area with a soft cloth. That's what I did to ease some of the pain. Also, make sure that the underwear you have is not resting anywhere near the area because that'll irritate it too. Wear soft pants if you can as well. Hugs to you. The pain will go away soon so take it easy in the mean time.
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Hey there, I'm not in your position regarding a relationship however if after talking with someone over a year and they are that quick to throw it all away then maybe they aren't the one for you in the long run. Just trying to put things in perspective. I know it's all new, as it is for me too, but if they're that quick to judge you then maybe you need to take a step back for a moment.
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Disclosing and Kindness and Acceptance from a 110% Babe
in Herpes talk success stories
Posted
Things are sooo good! We're actually planning a quick getaway trip too, so all is well, I'm on cloud 9 right now, couldn't be better. And tonight he's introducing me to his kids so I have definitely found a keeper. Life is good!