Someone recently told me she has genital HSV2 immediately after our first time having sex (with a condom). We had flown across the country to meet out of state. We had previously only spent one day together in her home state. We had video talked and phone talked and texted hours a day for 3 months. I had sex with her about ten more times over the next three days after she disclosed her diagnosis. I had my first outbreak about a week later and took Acyclovir when I got prodrome symptoms. The blisters came the next day and lasted only two days and were gone when I went to see a Doctor for testing so I had the IgG blood test which was strongly positive (5-8 days after exposure which is early for Antibody positivity ) but since I had the outbreak after exposure and had previously been in a 29 year monogamous relationship there is a good chance but not certainty that I got it from the person I’m dating now. Although she should have disclosed prior to sex, I should have asked about STI status and not repeatedly told her how much I was looking forward to making love with her without having a discussion about testing (she did tell me I needed to buy amd use condoms and I did) . I see that the repeated telling her how much si wanted to make love to her was pressure that made it harder for her to disclose. I am learning from these mistakes. After I went to the Doctor I showed her my comprehensive STI test results and she showed me hers from January but they did not include HSV 1, HSV 2, HIV, syphilis or hepatitis. I asked that she also get those, or at least the HIV and HSV 1 and 2 typing. She said she has HSV 2 and not HSV 1 and she was tested snd vaccinated for hepatitis snd she will get HIV test snd nothing else. She was EXTREMELY offended that I asked her for these tests snd saw it as me thinking bad things about her. I am being as compassionate as I can but my request seems reasonable to me. To her however it is causing a lot of emotional stress to the point that she can’t tolerate it. She is dealing with her shame by refusing tests she doesn’t think are reasonable. I don’t want her to be in emotional turmoil but I feel like it would be irresponsible for me to move forward without full testing. Our disagreement and inability to simply be open and get fully tested and share results seems the opposite of intimacy amd sharing and also seems unsafe to me. I’ve tried to be compassionate and non-judgmental. My life is changed forever with my HSV 2 diagnosis, irrespective of how I got it, and taking more risks, when anybody who has had sex with somebody even in a long term committed relationship could have these other infections as well and not know it, seems emotionally and physically unhealthy to me. On the other hand the missing tests are only HSV 2 (which she says she has ) and HSV 1 which she says she doesn’t have), syphhlis and hepatitis (which she says she’s vaccinated for). I’m trying to be emotionally supportive and loving and sexually healthy and reasonable at the same time. Could anybody share their thoughts on this situation? I would really like to hear what others think about this. Thank you.