Long story short, I am in my mid 50's, have been a stay at home wife for 26 years, and my husband has cheated on me on numerous occassions during our marriage. During this time, he has given me genital herpes (among other std's). I stayed with my husband for financial and family reasons. I made the choice that I thought was best for me at the times, so please don't judge me too harshly. Five years ago, I found out he gave me herpes. He has admitted that this was his fault but that doesn't matter to me right now. This is about my inability to move forward through the depression, the added health problems of the breakouts, and the basic fears of what's to come next. When I found out, I spent a week crying (in private), not sleeping, and being terrified to have sex with him again. On the rare occassion that we do have sex, I make him wear a condom and take precautions to not get anything else from him. I haven't done much since then. I did manage to go back to school and get my Associate's degree because I knew that I might need it one day. I've just begun to look for a job but my age and lack of continuous work history are real obstacles. I still can't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, I'm depressed, too broke to see a professional, isolated out in the countryside (so no friends that I can talk to about this) and this week I had a really painful outbreak that has left me feeling hopeless that this will ever get any better. I'm not suicidal but I am lost and don't know what to do to get back to my normal self but I know I have to do something to try. Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks.