BallroomD

I am no doctor but in my experience lube is your best friend. I would talk to your doctor about that as far as doubling up because that depends a lot as far as duration and frequency of outbreaks. Personally I take one a day and double up during an outbreak after many conversations with my doctor and them understanding a little bit about my sex life. I would also pay attention to how your mind and body feel and act prior to outbreaks. Anything strange or out of the ordinary make a mental note of it and look for patterns. I have been positive for just over 5 years now and I’m very well in tune with my body and my mind and I am usually able to sense when an outbreak is coming. It doesn’t stop my usual sexual activity I just use extra layers of protection(not multiple condoms! I will start another post about methods I use) and lots of lube all the time, I prefer raw coconut oil as it’s natural and is edible which is more pleasurable for oral play because of the taste. The final thing is communicating about it with your partner. Let them know the patterns you notice and also ask them if they notice anything. It may be more difficult for you being in a long distance relationship but communication is the most important thing to keep your partner safe. I hope this helps!

I understand what you’re going through. I’ve had hav 1+2 for 5 years, I got it when I was 25 as well only difference is I am a man. The first thing I did when I found out was tell the 3 other people I had been sleeping with in the time I started sleeping with the person who gave it to me. They were all extremely supportive and appreciated my honesty, thankfully none of them had gotten it. Personally I went through a heavy 6 month depression afterwards and thought I’d struggle finding sexual partners and even a romantic partner. I’d be lying if I said it was easy, but it does get easier. In my experience since getting it I dated someone for 3.5 years who had herpes as well and currently have a partner who I’ve been seeing for 10 months who does not have herpes. And I’ve had multiple sexual partners in the stint between them. To my surprise being honest and communicating about it even to just a casual hookup I haven’t been turned down. Each time I had the conversation it got easier. I won’t tell you that you won’t get rejected, I just got lucky. But if someone doesn’t respect you and your situation, I promise you they are not worth your time. I’d say the most important thing is be aware of your body and mind as far as what happens during an outbreak. As far as I understand everyone is a little different even tho there are some common symptoms physically but I have also noticed some patterns for me mentally as well. As you become aware of them talk to someone you trust about them and also anyone you’re having sexual relations with at the time. Honesty and communication are the next most important things as far as your own health and safety goes and your partner(s) as well. I know you’re struggling but things will get better with time. In the meantime do some nice things for yourself and spend time talking about your feelings around this with those closest to you. Feel free to talk to a therapist as well, that has been a huge help to me. As your confidence builds put yourself out there again, you do not need to tell everyone you are interested in, but when you know there is a connection and you feel things moving forward, just politely ask the person if you can tell them something important in a safe space. Be confident and honest with them, I pray you never get rejected and definitely not rudely but even if you do don’t let it break you down. It doesn’t reflect who you are or you’re worth as human, it is only their own insecurity and lack of understanding. You ARE worthy of both sexual pleasure and love! Be patient and love yourself even with herpes because it is not the end of your life, it does present some challenges and frustrations but it will only make you stronger and a more beautiful person on the other side. You are not alone, and thank you for sharing, I know how hard it is. Take care and love yourself 😊

I appreciate the swift response! I didn’t go into full detail of my past with herpes in this thread but I’ve had it for 5 years. This is just my 2nd outbreak since meeting my partner. We make time to do most of your suggestions as we are both in a similar boat as far as sexual energy and creativeness with our lifestyles outside of work. Our biggest issue is time seeing as we both work 60+ hours a week and sometimes only have 30 mins together in a day and we just want something simple and sweet but want to be safe most importantly. One of the ideas we have come up with is we have seen underwear with a small hole for the penis. Wear that and put a silicone penis sheath over it opposed to a condom, so you don’t need to worry about it ripping, followed by a 2nd pair of that underwear so there is 2 layers of protection for my entire pubic area and the sheath is more rugged and is a thicker layer of protection than a condom. It’s the best thing we have come up with since learning about the scroguard. What are your thoughts as far as that? Just looking for more perspective since this is all new for us.

I know abstaining is the safest method and is usually how I operate and was never a problem when I was single. Now I have a partner and we both have a huge sexual appetite and touch is our love language. My outbreak cleared up just the other day and usually wait about a month before having sex after it clears up. This is my 2nd outbreak with my partner since we started hanging out almost a year ago. The first time I had a hydrocele surgery and I believe that was what caused the outbreak as it came around only a few days later. It was also my longest outbreak about 21 days when normally they are gone within a week, so we went 2 months abstaining which wasn’t difficult until the last 2 weeks when I was feeling 100%. This one lasted 6 days, I am on daily valtrex and double during outbreaks. This time around I’m healthy and happy and we have both been extremely horny, I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for practicing safe sex in this window of being cleared but still likely to shed. I have read it’s 14-21 days but I go a month to be safe. We already practice safe sex most of the time. I recently heard about the scroguard cuz of the show Dave and I thought it was genius but they don’t exist anymore 😢 and I haven’t found anything like it. The only method I’ve used to relieve myself is in the past is masturbation with latex gloves and a lot of lube, which was fine when single but now that I have a partner who I’m very much attracted to and we have great chemistry I’d like to know if anyone has tried anything and has had success, although I understand there is always the risk. Also my partner does not have it and I’d like to keep it that way. I have some ideas I’d like to throw out but I’ll see if anyone has any suggestions. Thanks 😊

Hey there I’m new here and am hoping to get some information/suggestions I haven’t been able to find around the web. I’m male and have had hsv1+2 since July of 2018. I’ve only had outbreaks on my genitals first one was on pubic area at base of shaft and the rest have been right where my head and shaft meet. So my partner and I are sexually active although she does not have any stds. We both get tested annually atleast once. We practice safe sex regularly(condoms, dams, gloves) only having unprotected on rare/special occasions. I had an outbreak about a week ago it was unfortunate timing because this past weekend we had plans to have a lot of sexual fun and exploration. Because of the situation I gave her oral both with fingers or mouth pending on the situation using a dental dam. One of the times I fingered her I came from a little dry humping I had underwear and pants on. I’m just curious if we should be worried because in the heat of the moment she put her hand on my pants to feel me cum. She washed her hands about 10 minutes after. My other questions would be while on an outbreak since I have the virus is it safe to give her oral since I have never had an outbreak on my mouth or does it matter? I am also wondering if she can eat my butt while I’m on an outbreak. That was one thing she wanted to do this weekend but we put that on hold until we had some more info. I have never had an outbreak there and have never had anything around my butt since getting herpes. Thanks!