Isleguy

Hi @Missannthrope45, Full disclosure on my part - I have only been diagnosed for a month. But I’ve recently had a disclosure discussion with my wife after having first known symptoms since a known contact a long time ago (before marriage). I think having the talk with this person is a good idea before being intimate, regardless of the long / short term prospect. I hear you on the self-rejection, I was so afraid to tell my wife I over-reacted and initiated a separation. But I was so overwhelmed with shame and guilt. I’ve been going to counseling and disclosed my status to my dad. He was so supportive, and with the help of him, my counsellor and this forum I told my wife last week. She was upset, not because of the diagnosis but because I wasn’t upfront. We have had a rocky relationship for a long time, and this diagnosis has helped me see the relationship for all its great attributes. My own personal hope is I haven’t destroyed the potential for reconciliation by not be upfront with the disclosure. If you decide to disclose, being honest and upfront with this person will show them you respect and care for them, regardless of the relationship potential. We all desire to be wanted, and for me being accepted as I am with this diagnosis is now a big part of that. Having that trust for me is a big part of intimacy, and knowing they are accepting of my diagnosis is what I would want. If they aren’t open to it, it’s their choice. And loss. I can say disclosing has provided me with huge emotional gain, my fear, shame and secrecy haven’t overpowered my common sense and self worth since being open.

Hi everyone, I apologize for not providing an update sooner. I disclosed my status with my father last weekend. He was amazing. I decided to disclose to my wife, and spoke with my counsellor prior to that discussion. All my fears of her reaction of leaving me were false. She just wished I’d have told her straight out. She is having a hard time understanding why I wasn’t forthcoming right away. For me it was a reactive decision based on no information, and fear of what she might do and say. we have a long way to go. I’m not sure she will stay with me. I said a lot over the last month to make her think I didn’t love her when all I was focused on was separating to hide this diagnosis. I’ve told her I do love her, if anything this disease has stripped the meaningless BS from me and made me see that. There is lots to do, and go day by day. Maybe she stays, maybe she doesn’t. But all my cards are in the table now for us to work on this.

Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with HSV-2 based on a sore on my belly button about 7wks ago. This was my first known outbreak from a known exposure in 2008. It was the only sore that appeared. Has been healed for a month. Yesterday I have what may be another sore appearing on my lip - very far from my belly button. No other sores are currently present.I have not been taking antivirals up until today. I am booked in for a swab later today but at the moment it’s more of a bump than full blown blister. May be inconclusive. Not sure what to do here. As far as I was aware you couldn’t get a sore in a completely different location unless you exposed yourself to the virus in that location initially or touched an active blister to another location. Has anyone had any experience with this, or know more than I do? thank you.

Hi there everyone. 48yr old male, diagnosed with HSV-2 last month after a known contact in 2008, first symptoms only now. Im looking for a buddy, no gender preference. I would love to meet someone local (Victoria BC Canada, anywhere in this area) but I’m also open to chats here, phone or Skype. Also hoping to become a buddy, even now I hope I have something to offer. Married, it’s been a difficult relationship the last couple of years and trying to figure out how to have the talk with my wife and salvage/restart. Lots of emotions and have had suicidal thoughts.

@ashleytiffania @mr_hopp @Jasonlee56 Thank you for all of the words, wishes and advice. Im visiting with my father now. He has been so amazing. No judgement, all empathy and love. This is the darkest time in my life, and I feel so happy to know he loves and supports me. He has said what many of you have said - I need to talk to her. But I’m still so scared, I don’t know what to do. . I love my wife and family so much, I know this now more than ever despite being so separated from her. I know if she abandons me despite this im still in the same place. It’s such a huge step to take, I feel powerless. I know it has to be done.

Hi Everyone, 50 yr old male, recent HSV-2 diagnosis . My first post, I apologize if there are things I’m supposed to say or if I chose the incorrect sub forum. Where to begin? 2008 I was in a short relationship with someone, she told me she had HSV after we had sex. Sex was protected. I was shocked, and visited a local STI clinic. They told me that if had been exposed there was a good chance I would never develop symptoms, and that the antibody tests tell little. I decided to stay celibate for a year & monitor myself. I never had any kind of noticeable symptoms. Met my current partner/ wife in 2011 and have been monogamous since. Ffwd - my marriage has been very rocky the last couple of years. Lots of bad blood, not in a good place. We have not been intimate for nearly 5yrs. Accusations of infidelity and other bad things. The last 6mo have been really bad, and we have kids. I have been thinking on how to separate amicably, pretty stressed out in general; I have a job that is not in the best of places either. A month ago I notice this tiny cluster of blisters beside my belly button. I initially didn’t think much of it, showed it to my wife - she said it looked like shingles. I thought it was weird so I did a telehealth appointment with a doctor- he prescribed me Valicyclovir and antibiotics to cover all bases. Later that day, I remembered my exposure from 2008. I made an appointment for a test at a clinic. They completed a swab. +ve for HSV-2. Not really sure how to tell the rest of this. I went into crisis mode - tbh I haven’t really started to deal with the HSV-2 side of this even now. That night I decided to tell my wife I wanted to separate. She was caught off guard, and asked “why today”? I couldn’t be honest with her. With the state of the marriage, my exposure being so long ago, I knew if I was honest it would be a complete disaster. I just told her I didn’t love her anymore. I thought it was easier to lie, I’m so scared what she would do in reaction. Take the kids? Throw me out? All of the BS accusations would be validated. That weekend she went away with the kids. I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame. I wrote goodbye letters to my kids, and a suicide note to my wife laying all of this out. I fell to pieces, cried until I got sick. I couldn’t bear leaving my kids without a father. I didn’t do anything, but I’ve kept the letters. I’ve been managing and keeping it together, but I’m so lost right now. For the most part life has gone on for the last month. we are starting down the path to separation. But she wants to try to reconcile; we haven’t told our kids yet. I’ve asked why she wants to reconcile, she says she is content enough, happy enough. not really inspiring me with confidence to be forthcoming with my diagnosis. She says We should try. And I want to, I really do. But I can’t! How can I ? I won’t lie to her about this, and I refuse to hide it & expose her knowingly. I’ve already done it unintentionally for our marriage. I’m not confident that the relationship is in a place where I can be totally honest about my situation and not have it go to complete $hit. I can’t envision a scenario where she understands. I only see one way out of this with the least amount of blowback - separation and say nothing. I don’t know if the marriage would have lasted without my hsv diagnosis. That’s the biggest item I’m battling with. But that door is now closed. Where do I go? Who can I talk to? Ive been trying to find someone to talk to - local groups, but no luck connecting. I’ve met a counsellor who Happens to be hsv-2 positive as well and talking with her has been good but have not shared this with a soul who I am close to. I’m going to visit my father this weekend and lay this out. I have no idea what he will say. I feel like I’m going to drop a bomb on him.