Phoenix08

Ya know, I’ve only had one somewhat negative experience with disclosing, and it was only because I’m not on suppressive antivirals daily. And it wasn’t even someone I’m interested in, even for a night! Yet it still scares the crap out of me too when I think about disclosing to a new partner. So, I know it doesn’t help much, but you’re not alone. Oddly enough, the most positive disclosures, and both still contact me for intimacy, were poorly handled on my end. The first one, I was almost in tears and explaining to that guy that I unknowingly exposed him to the virus. He contacts me the most. Another guy, I revealed my status after I showed up at his place, knowing full well, what he invited me over there for, and he didn’t bat an eye either. He wants more, actually, but he lives 6 hours away. My friends that I disclosed to all say “who cares” and constantly tell me to quit letting this hold me back from finding love. Only the one friend who’s been sniffing around me for years had the slightly negative reaction…the Matt Rife skit of “He’s not your FRIEND!!!” is going through my head now… 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks @mr_hopp! While I use supplements regularly and have had fatigue or diarrhea or whatever as a side effect, I’ve never had this before except from topical Retin A use. Matter of fact, the headaches and body stiffness of recent I can attribute directly to incidents at work and not monolaurin, so when I noticed irritation on my face near my lip I thought “OMG did this shit just find a new location?!” I was already shocked at the second outbreak with absolutely zero warning signs beforehand, so I wouldn’t have been surprised if this mess decided to show up orally too. I think I’ll cut back on the monolaurin dosage for a while and increase my MSM dosage to heal this skin issue. Got butaminnE cream and a layer of Vaseline on it to heal/soothe it.

I should have mentioned that I’m negative for HSV1 and am positive for HSV2 (G). Only 2 outbreaks so far, both times mild and in the same area.

So I decided to start monolaurin since I’m a huge fan of coconut oil and lauric acid anyway, and now that I’ve upped the dosage to 1 full scoop 3 times a day, I’ve noticed what at first I feared were cold sores on my lips but now it just looks like the burn you get when going to fast with Retin A products…has anyone else had this happen? Of course I can reduce the dosage, I’m a nurse and I already know that, this was just a really unexpected response to the supplement!

@mr_hopp I have seen that ebook and have been reading articles and watching videos, they’ve been awesome! A bit of an update, my luck ran out and I’m having an outbreak. Granted it’s only one blister, but I jumped on the Valtrex anyway. It’s not that bad physically, and probably because of my chronic pain, I had not symptoms beforehand. Kinda frustrated about that. But I don’t get auras before migraines either, so…🤷‍♀️ I’m still researching treatment options to find what will ultimately work best for me, for now I only take Valtrex when having an outbreak. On a good note, I worked up the courage to go out for a short while tonight. Saw some friends out, and it was nice to notice being checked out by some people at the bar/restaurant. I just talked with my friends and then headed back home since I’ve got work all this weekend, but it was nice to feel attractive to the opposite sex for a bit. 😁

@Jespo Your story really resonates with me right now, especially since today, for some stupid reason, I’m pining after a man who doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings. I know how hurtful unrequited feelings are. The irony is he also has HSV2…proof that it doesn’t have to be about herpes to not work out! And it’s so dumb for me to feel this way, because even if herpes didn’t exist…I can think of several reasons why we would not work out. I think it’s more the loss of what I wanted the relationship to grow into, and with some work on his part too, I thought I could see where it might work? But, he’s not willing to put forth the effort, and even though my brain knows that, getting my heart to see it is another story. You mentioned attachment wounds…have you looked into attachment styles? I’ve found a lot of truth in that. The guy I’m pining over, is an avoidant. I’m anxiously attached at times. It’s more than likely what drove him away, and when you mentioned over pursuing your dream girl, that’s what comes to mind. I’ve had men over pursue me, and that was unattractive to me. I wonder if that’s what happened in your case? FWIW, not one of the relationships you’ve mentioned sounds like one I’d want to be part of. Sexless, trust issues, wanting a baby, and even your dream girl looking down on you when she herself doesn’t know her status…all of those sound like shit to me. I know that every relationship takes work and there will be challenges along the way, but I’ll be damned if someone is gonna eyeball me with “ick” factor or contempt or anything else over a skin condition I was unlucky enough to get, and from doing the same damned thing they’re doing. Fuck that. I hope you feel better soon, because I feel the heartache in your words. You’re not alone!

It’s worth echoing the contact dermatitis thoughts…allergies don’t always show up like we expect them too. I once changed face washes, used it for a couple of years, then started noticing eye redness and matting when I would wake up in the mornings. Eye doc said it was pink eye. This went on for months and kept worsening despite everything we threw at it. Finally, on a whim, I went back to a different face wash and problem solved. But it’s worth noting that the face wash that turned out to be the culprit I used for 2 years without any issues. Allergies can develop later!

I don’t think you’re a hypocrite at all…I think you’re human. I’m a nurse, new to all of this much later in life than most, and the psychological aspect of HSV2 has turned my life upside down! I have good days where I’m like “oh, this is just an overblown skin condition” and then I have days where I feel like I’m going to die alone. But the reality is, and especially since I didn’t get my initial outbreak until I was 48 years old, I was struggling with dating BEFORE HSV2 entered my life. I had men shit on me for every and any reason before this! And the 2 times I’ve disclosed to sexual partners, we had sex that night anyway! Yet my head still goes places that it goes sometimes. Because I’m human.

Curious, when did you disclose? I’m learning all I can before getting back out there myself. As far as dating someone with herpes, I was quite shocked by my experience at an HSV dating site. I have never been treated so callously, so rudely, by straight up predators and basically sewer rats in my life. To look me in the eyes and lie to my face “Oh yeah, I’m looking for a relationship!” And then ghost me when I won’t sleep with someone on a second date, or cancel my membership because we’ve texted for 2 weeks now, etc. There’s so few people on there, coupled with the damaged mindset of some of us entering there, they can practically get away with ANYTHING. Please get your mindset right before going there. I saw the light when a good friend who knows about my HSV2 and my recent dating disasters drug me to a biker rally. My friend was pointing out the scads of men falling all over themselves talking to me. And they were polite! It renewed my self worth, and I tried looking at herpes only dating again but the rose tinted glasses were gone…those people were treating me like I was a second class citizen when in fact they were beneath me. As scary as disclosure is, I’ve done it twice since my diagnosis and had positive results. Neither guy is a long term fit, but both still contact me and we’re on good terms whenever I’m in the area. So, I feel some hope for the future.

First of all, thank you for this forum! I’ve got a pretty decent support system, but it’s nice to have a mostly unbiased no judgement area to express ourselves. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart! My story is nothing special. I got my initial outbreak in August, went for a blood test and on 8-30-23 got the results that I was positive for HSV2. Naturally, I was devastated. I cried for days. I googled nonstop (BIG MISTAKE). I was curious as to who I could have gotten it from, but frankly didn’t spend a lot of energy on that because it just didn’t matter. They knew they had it and didn’t disclose, or they genuinely didn’t know and therefore couldn’t disclose. I canceled all my dating apps and just did my best to heal myself both physically and emotionally. I only ever had the initial outbreak and nothing else since, and the 2 lesions I got were mild and really not that big of a deal. But the emotional and psychological damage I’m left with…that’s another story. I told my closest friends, one of which I supported when she was diagnosed with HSV2 years ago. It’s funny thinking back, gosh I hope I was good support for her during that time. Because now that the shoe is on the other foot, it’s amazing how the most innocent and well meaning things said to me can be absolutely soul crushing now that I am the one needing support. Someone said to me recently, “You’re not dirty, and plenty of people would date you knowing that you have HSV2. I know for me personally, I would date someone with HSV2…but I wouldn’t perform fellatio on them though.” The person has no idea how damning that sounds to the recipient who already feels like they’re undatable. But I get it and she’s 100% entitled to how she feels on that topic. I know how I felt before I got “the gift”…and I think I already felt like I didn’t deserve love from anyone due to the damage from my abusive upbringing and etc, that to willingly contract herpes was out of the question. So, I understand where a person would be scared to date me once I disclose. So I tried Positive Singles…what a disaster. Online dating before herpes was already letting me down, but herpes-only dating was even worse. I’m not suggesting that every single person there is a rotten individual, but I was shocked at the lengths that some people would go to trying to manipulate me into sex. So, I’ve dropped there too. All of my friends are supportive of me dating in the non infected population. And while I see my good qualities…I’m scare to death of disclosing! As much as I would love to find a special guy, I was simply to go out with friends last night and just mingle to get my feet wet again. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was almost in tears just thinking about having to disclose this to someone one day…for God’s sake the goal last night was to just get out and mingle! Not pick a guy to marry! I am ER nurse and I literally bring people back from death, yet herpes has me in this chokehold. It’s fucking ridiculous. But just because I know it’s fucking ridiculous doesn’t mean I can snap my fingers and not let it bother me. But I am working on it. To everyone out there who had the courage to tell their stories here, thank you! There are people like me who read them and it’s helped me to feel more normal. It’s been awesome to read not only the positive stories, but the not so positive ones too, because that’s real and reminds me that rejection is just part of life. I hope to learn more and continue to grow from all this and ultimately help someone else as the stories here have helped me.