[A million and one things p4]

Thankyou dancer and lelani...youre both wise and amazing women xxx

[I have a date tomorrow. I don't know what to do.]

Aww..this was nice to read..really happy for you @whyme :) x

[A million and one things p4]

Thanks Dancer ....i will have a listen xx

[I have a date tomorrow. I don't know what to do.]

So pleased for you. And proud of you for just getting the courage to go for it. I have a good feeling about this. :) x

[A million and one things p4]

Hey dancer

 

Does not on one see if i didnt have H i would be tryng to meet sumone!? That hurt n how diffivult the disclosure was alongside dealing with my anxiety over it and a fear of rejection..all combined....are debilitating to say the least. So i need to know how i am suppose to overcome all this and then be prepared for a rejection incase i have to face it.

 

Ill try what you have both said if i can xxx

[A million and one things p4]

I want to move on...because i deserve to be treated bettee...but i cant...this H has me frozen with fear of the hurt of rejection and/or this all happening again. He even said i deserve better. Im one of the nicest people hes ever met. Do you understand more now?....where my hurtis...where my fears are...how trusting is difficult enough...but with H to deal with in dating situations too it feels impossible like i dont ever...cant ever be hurt again. Xx ps. Sorry for another essay!! :/

[A million and one things p4]

X

 

[A million and one things p4]

Thanks @lelani ....my feelings are because of herpes...my thoughts are because i dont like herpes and how its limited so much for me and the fact i think its gross...always have...before i got it. If it wasn't for herpes...it would be nothing else...im not a person who looks for problems. I have always though std's are gross...did i make jokesz etc..no way. But its my preference they are gross and unattractive...because having a sore on my vagina is...2 weeks ...one is gone...another appears. Im sure if i was healthier they would lesspn. But you see when you suffer depression because theres somethibg in your body you cant change...going to the gym doesnt make a difference. It mte make me feel a bit better...it might aggrivate the herpes...but most importantly it wont change herpes.

 

i think circumstances make a huge difference...and the age we are in our lives when dealing with it. For example...i read a post on here by someone who has it...but is ok...why? Because she is engaged..she doesnt have to date or disclose or be single, she has support from her partner. If that was me...would i like it...no..but would i be ok...yes. also people who were/ are married when they got it...same thing...and beibg older dating with it...its a different ball game thabeing on your twentys and the expectatuon and pressure you shpuld be in a r'ship...and if youre not....why not? ....this is never ending in conversations. Being older and wiser...sure that helps...and having things like childrenwho are mpre important than herpes....think that makes a difference for those people.

 

My desire...isnt to be on my own...so learning to be happy on my own sucks. Ive spent my adult life on my own.

 

Youre words are great lelani...you havent pissed me off. you give warmth and kindness...its very kind of you

 

I want to change...i want to be the person i was. These blisters remind me why i cant...and why meetong someone ia fucking awful. Anxiety, lies, being a traitor...getting to know someone...keeping a secret tol youve pulled them in enough to like you...then letting them know. Ive never had to lie...hold secrets.

 

Xx

[A million and one things p4]

Thanks Lelani

 

ok, so i keep saying it...but i feel like no-one believes me...its BECAUSE of herpes i suffer with anxiety and depression and feel nervous and worry when i meet someone...I was NOT those things before! Its BECAUSE of herpes. Telling myself it isnt, means im lying to myself and trying to tell myself i was all these things...I WASNT! Theres no deep thing here....i wish there was...but there isnt...take away herpes and all of those things would melt away. The world would be my oyster.

 

Wow..well done for getting through all of that. Thats amazing.

 

I do try to think positively...but like i said. I will HAVE to deal with it. Im simply not strong enough...and i can take advice and say ' if i get rejected for this, its fine, ill be fine'...but its not fine and i wont be. It would break me to my core. It would confirm everything i feel about it.

 

Im pleased ur so happy with someone, thats great Lelani xx

 

Trust me, i know me, no internal positive thoughts are going to bring me happiness and contentment and fulfilment.....no way. I just accept im alone...seriously 5 whole years with only one breif fling for a couole of months. I Need human touch, sex etc. Its not normal.

 

Going deep into yourself is ok...i also think it can be dangerous...it makes everything so intense and deep...its life...it doesnt need to be...i should be busy living not analysing myself because of herpes...its never ending because i got it for life. Its gross. 2 weeks now of blisters popping up. Its distguisting...i hate my own genitals!! How can i expect someone to be ok with it??

 

thanks for the hug xx....you sound quite british in how you right...like 'bloody"...we use in the uk alot :) xx

[A million and one things p4]

@lelani....thankyou so much for taking your time to write here.

 

 

This is the thing...i dont think these traits were there. I was so confident, honestly. The only thing i used to feel a bit concious of was not being slim...so i lost loads of weight and felt and looked great! Since H i just dont bother. I can look good on the outside but i feel shitty inside. H has made me look deeper...but not in a good way...when shitty things had happened before H...id be like, right...its shit its happened...it shouldnt have...but it did....and i was strong enough to know id deal with them...and i did because i was worth it. And they r things that didnt effect my sexual health or things that could infect someone else. H puts others at risk...and i cant change H. I couldnt have had safer sex if i tried...i cant even learn a lesson from it.

 

Definitely our thoughts can make or break us. I sit and i do say...fuck it, i have it, its nearly 5 years of H....igot it, i cant chsnge it...and it wont beat me....and the reason it does is because i live on edge...i may have to be rejected because of it...i try to think positive...like it might never happen...but i cant...because i dont know. Noone can tell me it wont happen. I cant be like my friends...theyve split up with someone, learnt from it...and like anyone get upset and then they go out and get bsck in the game and meet someone else. That privelege is taken away from me. Im still thinking of a man who i had a fling with and successfully disclosed to...i shouldnt be...but i am. I cant let go of how i felt when it was all ok and i was accepted and that i put up with his ex girlfriend baggage because of H! Its so desperate. I should be able to be like my friends. Its like i can manage to do ok...but only if i tell myself i accept ill be on my own. Thats its just what my future will be.

 

I do think postively sometimes...but it creeps in. H reminds me that i can feel ok...but its there to ruin my next ecperience of meeting someone. Anxiety about anxiety is my core problem. As i said above i think :/ its like i have to accept how difficult things will be. I cant cope with anymore heartbreak. I want to meet thst one person...and that be it. So its over. I need some luck on my side.

 

Oh lelani thats terrible, and so frightening at 11! So sorry that happened to you :( im glad you were able to overcome it. Proud of you x

 

you see...if i didnt have such a care for others and a big heart...this wouldnt be such a big deal. I wouldnt care if i passed it on. Id put myself and my needs first. But its just not me...its not my nature...i care deeply for others. I cant change that part of me. My morals are so high...if they werent i could be selfish...but im not a selfish person...and i believe in trust and honesty. And im so loyal to those i care about.

 

 

Imagining what i want etc...like 'the secret' have you seen it? Its about being grateful for what you have and only thinking of what you want, which will in turn attract it. The law of attraction. If you havent seen it, its pretty good stuff.

 

I struggle to know i have something in my body...i dont want. I cant get it out. I dont want this virus and i never want to pass it to another person. I wish there just wasnt a risk when you didnt have OB's that would make it a little more bareable. and noooo i dont think what a load of shit..not at all.

 

I feel like it doesnt matter that i accept it. I got it...fine. but it doesnt make a difference someone else miggt not accept it...then im back to square one. Theres only so much faith and hope you can have til ur warn out. Its a constant battle with myself. I have no control over how someone may react to it...and this kills me because i cant change it. I cant say ill stop doing this or that or ill work on it....i habe to aay.. ok well i have it for life and it wont go away and if u risk it with me snd get it...you have it for life.

 

That would be so nice :) and helpful im sure! I appreciate your support alot. thankyou xxx

 

 

 

[A million and one things p4]

Ofcourse id feel bad...but i would get past it. Id move on. It would be psrt of me i might actually need to change. Or it vould be somerhing i like about myself ...in which case i wouldnt care if they didnt like it. H is something i have that i have no control of...i cant change...its in my body. Its not a characteristic or habit. If a person didnt like me enough as a person or we werent compatible then we wouldnt be suited. H isnt me.

 

Im trying to word it right....my attractivr personality traits...my confidence...being fun and vare free...easy going... able to joke about myself... i know from my recent exoerience i could be those things...but it was like an act because really underneath i was covering up the traits i have now...over sensitive, no self estemm..a worrier. I was never any of those things. Its like i had to act. Underneath i was an anxious mess. This isnt going to change with someone again because i know when i like someone...that sparks there...so i know i want to get to know them. But all of this makes me frightened to. You dont have to like soneone on a deep level to know youd want to have sex and that ur attracted to them.

 

If somone likes me, is intersted...pursues me etc.... and its mutual. Then i disclose and reject...it means they feel they couldnt see me as someone they could love....= unloveable.

 

Its great you have so much self esteem :)

 

x

[A million and one things p4]

Exactly dancer....how am i ever not going to needy...because i need the acceptance etc from someone to feel normal...i know because the only time i truly felt like myself.

 

To be a healthy r ship its ok to be co-dependant...but i think you need to habe some of your own life too and not need your partner to make you feel whole

 

Ok...thankyou i will think about it

 

i have herpes dancer...i know it...i get it...i know the facts etc....i know its normal to have it. My struggle now is my anxiety and upset of knowing that in the future i will have to face the anxiety...its just too much. I tell myself to stop as i havent even met anyone. But my recent experiemce of meeting someone rsther than helping...has made me realise just how bad the anxiety is etc...i have no problem being vulnerable...but to get rejected over this...something i can never change etc...is what cripples me in moving forward. Meeting sumone habing that compaionship, sex etc...has just highlighted what im missing and have been missing...i want that in my life. And yer, i do need it. I dont want to kerp living a lonely life. Friendships dont bring that level of intamcy. They dont fill that void. If that makes sense. Xx

[A million and one things p4]

Youre a strong person @herexperience. Youre confidence is great. Youre happy ending sounds like a dream. Enjoy xx

 

hey @sparklepony ....ive never been in love, so i perhaps dont understsnd the power of it and the acceptance that comes with it. No, ive not been faced with it....but its irrelivant ...i have herpes now. And youre right...ill never love myself with this...and if i dont love myself...how can anyone else. Youre right, its no way to live. Its consuming and tiring and miserable. I really appreciate your kind words xxx

[I have a date tomorrow. I don't know what to do.]

Youve dealt with this all so well and with a real mature apprach. Good for you. Keep us posted :)

[A million and one things p4]

Hey @herexperience

 

i really appreciate you writing to me. Im going to try and get help...H has in some way made me look too deep... if that makes sense...its made me realise how ive been treated and it hurts alot.

 

I did think of whitney then ;) ...im going to keep re-reading your words. I know ill never be ready to deal with all that comes with meeting someonecwhen i have H....anxiety is just the worst feeling ever. I disclosed...it was successful...but the rship was so short lived for other reasons....this is why the emotions of h have impacted me soooo badly now...more than ever before....none of the stress and upset etc was worth it. Ive been used and i feel worse than i ever have. i cant be broken anymore now.

 

 

Its great u have never been rejected. Its nice to hear. You obviously pick good men. Im pleased youve been able to deal with so much and come out of it xx

[Herpes in the UK]

Thanks new moon. Yeah i saw the video...she got it later in life...if thats the video im thinking of....yeah a really good source for dancer and adrial.

 

Hey dont worry about auto correct :) x

[A million and one things p4]

Thankyou for your words JonB...xx

[Herpes in the UK]

@ra1956...thanks Ra

 

Dancer...im glad you and Adrial are working so hard to help....you never know it may have influence here...this it true...you need people who understand. Maybe thats my calling...to help others? X

[My HSV-2 rant with Questions.....]

Aww thanks @abc123....we arent alone :)...yeah shocker day for me today...a set back the other day and an ob and now another one :( ....it never really hurts and is so small i had to actually point it out to a nurse today! Unbelievable how these tiny little sores can cause so much upset hey! :/.. . Here if u need support or to just rant or vent :) big hug back :) x

[I have a date tomorrow. I don't know what to do.]

I feel everything you say @thisisgoingtobeokay ....youre like i was at 24 and before i got H. I was picky and would be like 'your loss' if someone didnt work out...and i really belived it was there loss...i guess with H...i feel ive got no cards to play...

 

i think it would be cool if you could hang out with this guy as a friend...if and when You feel ready.

 

I know youre feeling shitty..you have my support :)....and yer friends who dont have it...just dont get it.

 

x

[Herpes in the UK]

Ok...so its the NHS then....how unfair...they could maybe offer it at a charge so atleast its easy to access.I will have to look into a blood test outside of the nhs.

 

Perhaps if they look at the figures of actual outbreaks...for example 100,000 a year and consider that a huge percentage of these people will suffer some kind of emotional effect...anxiety..shame...depression etc....that should be enough to kick start a 'no shame ' campaign. Someone needs to research these forums....it would suprise many im sure. I suppose that medically its so unimportant because it is essentially not a risk to a persons health at all. Its a cold sore.....a good start would be a campaign abou cold sores and thier transmission to genitals and that (i think ) 50% of new hsv genital outbreaks are because of cold sores....sooo many people have cold sores and theres little to know stigma or shame associated with them.....so it would get peoples attention...and may be an avenue to lower stigma, increase knowledge and share true facts....let it be known its normal to have it....we just dont test for it. .....just a thought of mine. Whatevers being going on so far isnt decreasing the stigma...so lets use the 'hood herpes' as an avenue to help kill the stigma. One big ad campaign on tv in the us and uk..

[Herpes in the UK]

Hey Ra,

 

To be honest...with the statistics...the no blood testing and the stigma...it looks like its going this way. God i wish we could ALL get tested and be like...hey you got hsv...me too....no shame....this no testing is adding to ignoring it....blissful for those who dont know....not so great for those of us who do! Which i didnt know!!

 

Dont know much about obamacare, sorry...but i get the jist.

 

As long as its on genitals theres stigma :(

 

take care too Ra :)

[Herpes in the UK]

I meant 'fellow uk-er' not 'the...' ha...read it back and sounds a bit odd...sorry! Ha! :/ x

[Herpes in the UK]

Hey the fellow uk'er :)

 

Really...10 years! Thats crazy!! I believe the facts its incurable, has no health implications and has a massive stigma is basically the reason behind it! If only influential people within the medical industry, who have the power etc ..might look at it from a more human perspective and look at the emotional upset and mentalbeffects etc it causes...

 

wish testing was just routine for herpes...but i suppose ignorance really is bliss when it comes to herpes hey....yep i think the 1 in 5 fig. Is probably correct. Only 80% of people dont know though...the nurse told me today dont worry about transmission as most people have it!! :/

 

hanging in there, not a good day :/ but just keeping on...hope youre ok?

 

Oh definitely an amazing forum! Wish i would have found it years ago!

 

Youre autocorrects are grand ;)

 

X

[Herpes in the UK]

Hi All,

 

So I went to a clinic today...in the UK....and its a shock to find out they dont test for herpes with a blood test and only do a swab if theres an outbreak. I requested one and couldnt have a blood test....i explained all the knowledge and info I have and from this wonderful forum and that testing blood can show anti-bodies etc...but i was told the the results from the swab determine if its hsv1 or HSV2.

 

Its just shocking that it cant be tested for...it will just continue to spread...because the 80% of people who have it, dont know. So theres no treatment to help prevent it. I was told that a blood test doesnt work anyway??

 

Also ive read conflicting figures for hsv genital...in the UK....from 1 in 4 or 5 people...to 1 in 10....anybody know the real stats?? Just curious....in the US the figures are so high i wouldnt feel such a minority ;) I might move to the US :)