Amillionthings

@whitedaisies me too! :) ha x

Beautiful. I am truly happy for you x

Happy tears r good....and some times sad tears are too.....its just a physical sign youre able to let it all out. Well if it makes u feel better. I was in a shitty shitty place and your kind words lifted me up...theyve helped me to build some courage to deal with some shitty stiff and boosted me up. I dont think anything i say can help much....but i will say u arent on your own. Support is here :) x

And also...u have all this going on...and u still found time to support me on my thread. It means alot. Youre a good persin :) x

Aww white dasies. Can see u feel like shit. Im sorry youre having a tough time. Xx

@designdiva. I love this, where is it from? I felt like I was reading about myself. But i never looked at being this way as being smart. I guess it is really.

:) x

Thanks @whitedasies. I appreciate the time youve taken to write on this x

Anyone else I let in my life isnt like that. I choose my friends wisely :) X

Pleased for you :) x

I thought about H a few minutes after he said it. But blocked it out. I just wanted to enjoy that moment. Dancer I will read the article- thank you. The hurt is deep - my heart is broken. I am trying to come to terms with accepting it is what it is. Tonight I laid down the law with the person who has damaged me. I cannot suffer anymore of this upset- nothing will ever be the same. I have to put myself first from now on. I'm the only person who has my back all of the time. I wont let myself down, even if others do. x

@adropintheocean.....youre a good role model. Lovely to read your story x

@myfierce and @whitedaisies...thankyou so much for your words. I know dancer. Ive dealt with lots of those kinds of people. And I do what you do. Im soft but i can play the tough guy when i need to. I couldnt give two shits about those people....ive cut people off and out my life without a second glance bk. I wish it was so simple at home. There is more to it...and i dont want to post it on here. But it hurts more than any cold sore ever could or will. i did my nails and dyed my hair. I put on a little make up and decided i was going to have a good day im in a new place of work today- im at the end of my shift. And a guy comes to take over. He glanced down and said, confidentally and with a level of suprise... 'you're beautiful'. It wasnt a pissed up bar, it wasnt some seedy drunk guy trying to get with me or buy me a drink or even chat me up or get my number. It was just a normal guy who had never seen me before. It put a smile on my face. And i accepted the compliment....without feeling like fraud or disguisting. It made my morning :) A new friend msgd me yesterday and said they miss me, another text to say thankyou and that they love me, another to tell me that they are pleased we met and made friends. I know im likeable. I just am trying to deal with heartbreaking emotional abuse at the closet level of a family relationship. I am trying to grasp on to these good things as i try to deal with much harder things. i want you to know i try everyday xxf

I wish I could afford to go the weekend, unfortunately its not an option for me, I can imagine how great it is. I have so many good friends who care about me. I make new friends with ease and people live to be around me. I am caring and kind and know how to have fun. The people who have hurt me are family- if it wasnt I could cut them away. But I can't. Its a catch 22- i have to have contact as this person is so controlling; it also means if i cut them off i dont see my dad. And i love my dad. Its a very difficult situation. It is hard to stomach that it is my family who have treated me like this. I am so loving and caring it has hurt me beyond words, to my core. Im always an easy target. I feel that being nice doesnt get you very far- its a weakness others pounce on. Im always the friend...never the girlfriend. Im the single friend who never dates. Who isnt with anyone. I didnt look for love for the wrong person. I trusted someone and they abused it. Then it happens agaon, and again. Its a pattern. But to disclose, to find love, I have to trust. Can you see why it is such an issue. If i cant trust someone, i cant be vulnerable. I dont believe i wont get hurt again. Thankyou so much Dancer, you are a very kind hearted person. Xx

Maybe this above will help to explain why that statement doesnt seem 'mad' to me x