Shannon (SingBlueSilver)

I had "the herpes talk" last night with a new guy. I think it can really go somewhere with him, so I didn't want to get too emotionally involved without having the discussion. I was torn by the idea that you take time to get to know someone really well first and then tell or tell early so that I don't get too attached and get more hurt later. I decided that I wanted to know how he really felt about me because I already knew I liked him and wanted more. I probably didn't "spin" it as well as I should have with all the positive statements as Adrial suggests in his ebook. (Which is wonderful, BTW). But I just said that I have herpes and it's "technically" not a big deal as it's not life threatening and really doesn't have too many symptoms once the outbreaks calm down. I told him that I really liked him and didn't want to go further without giving him the opportunity to make a decision about me. I cried. He thanked me for telling him and said he didn't care. He still wanted me just as much as ever. I was a bit shocked actually. I was convinced that I couldn't find someone despite all the positive advice I'd gotten from friends. I'm so happy I was wrong. He went to far as to say he still wanted sex...right then. So...we did. This relationship may not last, but I'm actually very OK with that because I needed to know that I was still desirable to men. I needed proof that many men will accept me. Friends had all told me that I can find another man but until it happened, I didn't believe it really. So, I now know that I CAN do this. I can tell someone in the future if I need to. (Though hopefully this works out!) Probably the first time is the hardest and I'm glad it's over with. Now I hope to get back to feeling better. I'm going to stay on this site and hopefully get more support and support others. If I can do it, you can do it, too!

I'd like both a male and female buddy in the Los Angeles area. I need support so I'd to talk to someone who's been dealing with this for awhile. I'll talk to anyone by email if you want but I'd love to actually have coffee with someone in LA area. I'm female. THANKS!

I had intercourse with a condom but oral without. Three days later I felt like I had a bladder infection. I went to the doctor who confirmed I did. One day later, I found a sore. It looked different from a pimple. I just knew what it was. I went to the doctor who said it also looked like it. I cried and she wondered why I was so upset. She said it wasn't that big a deal and most people have it. I went back and insisted on a blood test to confirm I had HSV type 1. Since then, I haven't had any sores but I seem to feel like I have bladder infections at least once a month. Does anyone else have that? I can't believe that I"m getting bladder infections that often. I'm taking my medication when I feel that way and it helps but nothing feels "quite right" anymore. My doctor said you could have all sorts of symptoms including feeling like you have paper cuts! So, a condom isn't safe. And I got mine within 5 days of sex and sex only one time. They don't tell you this information in school, that's for sure!

I'd like either a male or female buddy in the Los Angeles area. Would be really really helpful ... I need support, so I'd to talk to someone who's been dealing with this for awhile. I'm female. THANKS!

It's my 39th birthday in 14 minutes. I got "Happies" 3 months ago. I never thought I'd be here but who does. I just spent the evening making out with someone brand new. Someone who has all of the qualities I look for. I'm thinking of telling him soon. I need to do this because it'll be the first time to tell and I need to get it over with. I am preparing for the worst. When I first learned the news a few months ago, I was convinced I could only date within the community. Now I do have some hope after talking to people and reading all your posts on this. Birthdays used to make me sad because I look back with negative thoughts. Now I look back and think I had a great life. I'm trying to believe in Adrial's theme: Opportunity. This is my opportunity to grow. The only choice I really have is to take it. The alternative is to die and I don't want do that. So I guess my 39th year will be quite a change but I'm hopeful for the future. And hopeful that this opportunity has caused me to pick better relationships. Cheers!

No, he typed it and it was on purpose. It was cute. He was trying to cheer me up!

My friend just told me "the happies isn't that big a deal" and though I struggle with that concept, I was most excited to have a new nickname for this condition: Happies! I'm going to call it that whenever I need to refer to it now. It made me smile just a little!

I got HSV 1 while using a condom and only had sex with the person one time. And 3 days later, a sore. He had no symptoms and still doesn't. So condoms don't mean much at all. I never knew that. I don't remember reading or learning that. But my doctor said that if you don't have a sore, who cares? That was her attitude. It was very scary. I can't not tell though. It would live on my conscience and I wouldn't want someone else to feel the pain I feel. I wondered if anyone else had symptoms that felt like a bladder infection rather than sores? I'm feeling that way and I think it's the herp and not a bladder infection. I will see my doctor soon. I'm doing the Lysine with vitamin c and other vitamins plus the daily Acyclovir and haven't had sores since the first time. I can't wait to see Labia BandAid! Are they playing at you seminar in October? :-p

I love everyone's posts here. You are all so inspiring. And Adrial, I can't say enough about how great your site is and how much I appreciate having someone like you to reach out to. I hope to continue to be uplifted by this great group of people as I get more involved.

Thank you for your response. I know this will become less of an issue as time goes on, at least that's what I'm told. I struggle because though it is a skin issue once in awhile and really doesn't have many other consequences, then why is it so awful? I can't seem to reconcile how everyone who doesn't have it says it's not that big a deal but then they all thank god they don't have it! And if it really is almost like getting some pimples sometimes, then why the F does it have to be such a horrible, stigmatized thing? How in the world did such an awful stigma get attached to such a minor condition? I mean, it's not terminal. It's not getting worse. It doesn't inhibit movement, etc etc. So why are we so shunned in society? I'm so heartbroken over this. Thanks for listening again. I see you comment a lot and it's really appreciated. :)

When I got diagnosed from a swab, the doctor said they rarely do bloodtests as they are so inaccurate and also, most people have the antibody. She even went so far as to say that if there's no outbreak, what does it matter what the blood test says because it is so widespread and the test isn't accurate so just assume you have it and take precautions. Then I cried and she said it wasn't such a big deal. I saw another doctor and her thought about the blood test was the same, if you don't have outbreak, don't worry. That's the message I got. I think it's all BS. Of course we want the blood work to tell us what we have and be sure we have it. Weirdly, I have HSV 1 on my genitals and I had to force them to give me the blood test. AND more importantly, if you ask for a STD test, it doesn't include a HSV test!!! You have to ask for it! I think this is really an injustice to people who think we are safe.

It's been about 2 months. I have HSV 1 on my genitals. I decided I wanted to break free of my traditional sexual views and have a little fun with someone who was into open relationships and other alternative sex styles. We had condom sex only once and I got it. He also gave it to another girl. Now all 3 of us are dealing with it. I've never felt so isolated. The thing is that I've been in the "alternative/goth club scene" for most of my life and clubs really revolve about being sexy, dressing sexy and feeling sexy. I feel like I've lost my identity. I was a serial monogamist and I decided to try something new, and I got burned. I do feel a bit like I am being punished. I know that's not reality. I fight with myself daily to maintain perspective. A part of me wants to announce to everyone because it really is OK and a part of me want to crawl in a hole. I have never once heard that you could get it using a condom. I had no idea and every friend I have told also had no idea. So a part of me wants to be an advocate for kids to say that condoms aren't enough! I'm just going through so many emotions, I'm terribly sad and lonely, I miss sex. I'm 38 and thought this was going to be the prime of my life with no worries as I don't have kids, I have a good job, I am stable but my life has literally gone from great to the pits of hell. The worst is that I am a very open and honest person and I've had to hide this from most of my friends. No one knows why I'm sad and why I stay home now. To look at me from the outside, I've got a lot going for me but I don't feel that way. I guess I'm just posting here for a pep talk. Sorry about all the rambling. Today is a particularly bad day. Thanks for listening