ClementineK

Hey Amy, All of the others have covered the issues related to HSV, so I have nothing to add. But I've been abused as well, and I want you to know that I'm there with you. At this point, it's clear you know you're not at fault, but that shit can mess with you. It's been a really tough road to get rid of all of the anger I had for my abuser, but I think I've been pretty successful. The "wanting to beat the shit out of him" phase will probably pass, but you have every right to be angry at your abuser. I guess I don't have any advice but just encouragement. Coming out of that sort of situation is SO hard. I found that after that going through the abuse, everything else just seems like small potatoes after that, including HSV.

Well, I have HSV-1 genitally so a blood test won't tell me anything unfortunately. I never had cold sores as a child, but I did have canker sores (inside my mouth) ALL the time. I'm pretty sure those aren't the same thing though, correct?

Hi all, I've had adult acne for about the last year (thanks, grad school), and occasionally I get little zits on my lip. They don't tingle or hurt any more then zits do on the rest of my face, so I've never given them a second thought. For the record they don't turn into open ulcers (for lack of a better word), so I've never thought they were cold sores. But I'm just coming off my second genital outbreak, and I notice a spot on my lip that hurts. I does feel just like the other zits I tend to get, but I was wondering if it could be oral H. It hurts a little (doesn't tingle), but it's actually IN my lip (as opposed to right on the outside as they usually tend to be). Is it possible that this is an oral outbreak or am I just being paranoid?

Gurl, I'm so sorry this OB is so painful for you. One thing that I don't think has been mentioned so far is that you can pee in the bathtub. My first OB was pretty painful (although it doesn't sound as bad as yours), and I pretty much lived for doing that. If it's an emergency, just fill the tub up until the water surrounds your lady parts and then let 'er rip and get out. If you've got some time, fill the tub and soak in some Epsom salts (like willow said). I know at Target they sell some with various essential oils infused (I've used the lavender kind). With my last OB, I sort of experimented with dissolving them closer to the infected area, but I think that might hurt for you, so just keep that in mind for next time. Also, once you get out of the tub/shower, take a blow-dryer with the cool setting and blow yourself dry. The sooner those bad boys scab up, the better. And @WCSDancer2010 has mentioned on numerous occasions that going commando helps too. I concur, just make sure whatever you're wearing as the outer layer isn't too tight. Skirts = fabulous, yoga pants = pain and disaster. Finally, I've heard of some people on here getting topical creams for pain prescribed by their doctor. Talk to your doctor about this and see if this is for you. Keep your chin up, love, it WILL go away soon. I've found that if there is any silver lining to this, it is that 3-year old me would be very impressed that she was not only allowed, but encouraged, to pee in the bathtub. <3

I guess I'll jump in on this, because I have a couple of stories. First, related to the H, my ex (who gave it to me) asked me if I had any STD's. I said no, and he said "Well, I do. It's herpes." I laughed, because I thought he was joking, but he clarified that it was oral. I guess the joke's on both of us because neither of us honestly knew that he could infect me genitally. Even if I'd known the risks, I don't think that would have changed how I felt about him. But more seriously, I dated a guy that had Hepatitis B. I think anyone here would agree that Hep B is much more serious than herpes. And it didn't really bother me, mostly because I had been vaccinated, AND he informed me of the necessary precautions. He was a person that I really cared about, and his honesty was very endearing to me. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Hi guys, I had a quick question about how you all refer to genital herpes. When I was going through sex ed, everything was referred to as an STD (including chlamydia, gonnorhea, etc.), but when I was in college it seemed like there was a movement to start referring to the "curable" STD's as STI's. So, HIV, Hep B, etc. were still STD's (because they're "scarier" and incurable). So, where does herpes fall?

Hey there! I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 about 5 months ago when I had my first outbreak, and am currently in the middle of my second ob. Like you (probably), my boyfriend at the time had a cold sore and ended up spreading the virus to my genitals. So, regarding what to expect, you should know that HSV-1 infections tend to be less severe and less frequent than HSV-2 infections, which is good news. Of course, I can't diagnose you, but it sounds like your bf's fever blister is probably cold sores (of the HSV-1 variety). During my first outbreak, I had a similar thing happen, where sores started on one side, and transferred to the other. My ob lasted about 2 weeks, mostly due to a second wave of sores that was HELLA painful. I'm a grad student, so it didn't really keep my from any of my responsibilities, but life was a little miserable for a while. I would bet that being on Valtrex will make your ob less sever though (and I wasn't on meds at all.) I had no symptoms at all for five months, and right now I'm in the middle of a very mild ob. I have about 5 sores, none too painful, and none of them have spread to the other "side." I'm also taking acyclovir this time around, which I'm sure is helping. There's a disclosure handout with the e-book that will help a lot for you to tell your boyfriend. As he likely has the virus, yes, it's less likely that you will pass it back to him genitally. However, it can happen. My doc even told me that she'd seen cases of auto-innoculation (where you have the oral virus and accidentally touch yourself, transferring it to the new region). Again, that's rare, but possible. Condoms reduce the risk, as does taking suppressive medication. I completely understand the feelings of freaking out, because the word "herpes" is made out to be such a horrible thing. But at least in my experience, it's really not. It's a minor annoyance some of the time, and most of the time I don't even think about it. Disclosure adds a new element to sexual relationships, but any guy who can't look past a virus to see how amazing you are is not really worth your time.

Hey Amber, Well, I don't want to give you false hope here (and more experienced commenters PLEASE jump in if this is wrong). But if you don't have outbreaks and you tested positive for HSV1, then you might not have genital herpes at all. HSV1 prefers the oral area, but can infect the genitals. In that case, that means that you have much less to be worried about regarding sexual contact (although oral sex would still present a small risk.) 80% of people have antibodies for HSV1, so again, you might not need to worry so much. I think you should call your doctor to clarify. I haven't read it, but there is an e-book available for free on this website for disclosures, and I think it would probably be a good thing to prepare you for your talk. Again, I think the content of your discussion probably depends on which type you have. And don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out who gave it to you. I'm fairly certain that I know who gave it to me, but it could have been any number of guys. At this point, it doesn't matter, especially because someone could have transmitted it without knowing (just as it's possible you might have). It's not really worth being angry over or pointing fingers at people. Sometimes you just get dealt a bad hand, but you have to just keep on keeping on :)

Hi Hermia, Everybody else did a great job answering your questions about diet (which was super helpful to me to), but I thought I'd address your other concerns. Given that exercise is a fantastic way to treat anxiety naturally, I wouldn't stop doing what you're doing. Just make sure to shower and keep clean. Exercise keeps your body healthy and your immune system strong, so I'm sure it does more good than harm. If you have future outbreaks and notice that hard cardio seems to set off an OB, you can manage that. I also come from a history of mental illness (depression, anxiety, an eating disorder), so I completely understand your concern. Obviously, you may not ever be able to rid the anxiety completely from your life, but it can be managed (and it sounds like you're doing a good job). Another therapy you might want to try for anxiety (if you haven't already) is mindfulness therapy. The basic aim of this is to teach you to keep your mind in the moment and not on future/other events you can't control. I think you can even find ways to take classes in it online which are likely cheap or free. I'm not sure how long you were married for, but I'm 27 also (still single :\), and I find that the men in my dating pool now are a lot different than when I was younger. I'm not sure how a younger man would react to the HSV news, but I think being older and more mature makes it much more likely that someone will not think your disclosure will be a big deal. It hasn't been for me. At my age, I'm not necessarily looking to sleep around anymore, and I think building intimacy before sex really reduces the likelihood that someone would run away from the news. Granted, I did have a one night stand with someone I disclosed to, and that was okay to. I think you can have it any way you want. We're both still young and have a lot to offer :) Finally, I wanted to talk a little bit more about my outbreaks since we both have HSV1. I addressed this in my post a little bit, but wanted to give you more specifics here. My first outbreak felt like the end of the world, with the second wave being awful. I had sores all over my labia and into my thighs (maybe 20-40 sores, but I couldn't count.). This time, I have four sores and it doesn't seem to be spreading. There were five months between my initial and this OB, and honestly I kind of forgot I had it for a little while. I've heard in the first year that outbreaks will be most frequent, and if I only have to deal with this every 6 months or so, that seems pretty manageable. I'm looking forward to the days when they may happen once a year or fewer, but we'll see how this goes. Anyways, that was probably way too long the TL;DR version is: it's all good, you still got it girl; and it it's probably only up from here!

Hi Amber, I know sometimes it can feel like your sex life is over, but it's really, really not. Like you said, the condition is really not that big of a deal. I would recommend you read the disclosure handout- it give stats for transmission broken down by men and women, and what sorts of protection you're using (unprotected, with condoms, suppressive meds, etc.) and is super helpful for arming yourself for the conversation you need to have. In my experience, the dread of having the conversation is much worse than actually having it, and I've been pleasantly surprised by the reactions I've had. I thought men would run from me the second that I told them, but that hasn't been the case. I'm guessing from your post that haven't ever had an outbreak. I have somewhat small bumps like you're describing on my labia and they're completely normal. The two outbreaks that I've had were pretty painful, so I definitely knew what was happening. Some people can have very mild outbreaks, but if your doctor looked at them and said it was fine, it probably is. Do you know what type you have (HSV1 or HSV2)? That can make a big difference. If you were blood tested and came up positive for HSV1 my understanding is that that result cannot tell you if you're infected orally or genitally (somebody please correct me if I'm wrong.) HSV2, however, would almost certainly point to a genital infection.

Hi @Hermia87! So far, this OB is less severe than my first, but it might be too early to tell. My first OB came in two waves, with the second being much worse. I'm crossing my fingers that doesn't happen this time. I'm also taking acyclovir three times a day right now, so that will likely help reduce the severity. For your other question, based on what Sparklepony and WCS said, I would assume so? Wrapping it up could theoretically reduce the assault on your immune system, but I honestly am just guessing. My partner and I had been having sex with condoms for about a month before we didn't use them this last time, and that's when I had my OB. That could just be a coincidence though.

Thank you guys for all the help, you rock! I asked my guy how he felt about getting it, and he just said that he wouldn't care, because it was his choice. I'm pretty stoked on this guy... I tried Epsom salts tonight, so we'll see how that goes. I'm really hoping this OB doesn't last as long as the first.

Thanks @WCSDancer2010, you seem to always give the best advice. I'm not sure that sex set me off. My ex and I were together for a while having fairly frequent sex, and I didn't have an outbreak until now. I know triggers can change over time, but I am super stressed right now (I'm in grad school and everything is piling on me at once). I also read that triggers could be hormonal, and both of my outbreaks have coincided with my period. It's probably too early to tell these things, though. I read on another post that you've been on and off suppressive meds depending on the comfort level of your partner. Did you ever feel like it was necessary, or was it just for everybody's peace of mind that you took meds? I don't honestly mind taking them, but I'm not sure there's a huge benefit. Thanks for the tip on the Rx coupons, btw. Also, do you know if there are any data on transmission rates for HSV-1 only? The pamphlet this site has seems to collapse across the two, and I would imagine it's smaller for HSV-1 than 2. That seems to be what my partner wants (exact numbers) and all I can really ever say is "small, but non-zero."

Hi all, I can't begin to express how thankful I am that this community exists, and I'm very glad that I found it. The brochures and other forum posts have been super informative and supportive. I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 about 5 months ago. I'm 95% sure it was given to me by my former boyfriend, who had oral HSV-1. Despite taking precautions, he had an oral outbreak, and I had my first outbreak nearly 5 days later. We had been intimate (not oral sex), so somehow it must have spread. I wasn't angry because honestly neither of us really understood the risk. I knew he had cold sores and he knew he had them (and he told me early on). We're no longer together for reasons not related to herpes. I've had the disclosure talk twice, and I've been pretty surprised at how well it's gone over. My current partner (maybe boyfriend sometime soon) is very accepting. We agreed to use condoms, but neither of us really enjoys them. My concern is that a couple of days ago, we did have unprotected sex (both of us were sober, he knows the risks, etc.). But then yesterday, I started feeling the signs of an OB, like itching and pain. There are no visible sores yet, but I'm positive that they will appear in the next couple of days. This is only my second outbreak, so either I don't have a distinctive prodrome sensation or I don't know what to look for. But I'm really concerned about whether he could be at a higher risk than what would normally be the case between outbreaks. Is the rate of viral shedding higher immediately before an outbreak? I told my partner and he's not worried, but I am. I would feel terrible if he got it from me. So what is the best choice going forward? Is unprotected sex with an HSV- partner completely out of the question? Am I just unlucky that the one time we slipped up was right before an outbreak? Again, it's been five months since my initial outbreak, so I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security. Also, I'm wondering how you all feel about suppressive medications. My doctor dismissed it as she said my infection was likely not very severe (because it's HSV-1), but my partner asked about it. I'm fine with going on the meds if he would feel more comfortable with it, but I'm horrible at remembering to take pills and I heard they were expensive, and if the risk is already very low for transmission (I read 4% for unprotected), is it worth it to take them when I don't have frequent outbreaks? My doc gave me a prescription for acyclovir for my outbreaks, but I haven't used it yet. My apologies if this post is redundant with another on this site. I did some searching but couldn't find exactly what I was looking for.