jded_jada

I know bc ppl make jokes about it all the time and it does hurt alot. The stigma is very damaging.

BlueSkygirl, I must say that I agree with Ms. WCSDancer. Cancer is so much more of a battle that herpes. Please understand that some ppl that do have cancer have passed away bc the battle was too much or they fight with chemo, pills. Others beat it completely. But with HERPES the only thing threatened is our well being and personal worth. Yes anti virals are needed sometimes to control outbreaks but the body is still working; no organ failure or shutdown, no surgery needed. We just have deal with our sex life a lil differently now . But i would never trade this for cancer, with herpes u know what ur dealing with u know u have it for life .....with cancer ur sometimes getting a ? Will i survive this or will this kill me?

Yea I feel the same way n I'm still struggling with it. The best advice I can give is take it one day at a time and know hopefully someday whenever it happens you will find someone that understands you. Listening to my bff talk about getting regular dick instead of a relationship bc her bf is a jerk makes me want to cuss her out n say hey at least u have the fucking option. I dont even entertain guys bc i know I will eventually have to tell him of my situation n he will run.I've already tried it before n it didnt turn out well. Yea it might have just been him but that doesnt make me feel any more to try it again. But I digress.... I just tune her and others out when they mention sex or anything associated with it.

Lmao really funny. My soul also feels that way about that disturbing video.

Ive seen the blogs, posts, and everything else wcsdancer2010 no need to send anymore. I know its possible but when I talk about cutting off the contact it really has to deal more with me. At first it was my big bad secret; i was ashamed n didnt want anyone to know then after I told the first guy I started to date n now we barely talk anymore.(yes i know he clearly wanted one thing now)...I also notice that I have small anxiety attacks when ppl ask me about my personal life. I just really dont want anyone to know. Yea its not a death sentence but it is a life sentence... and that still has me in a rut. I dont know why but its so hard for me to see the positive in herpes

Im just trying to "date" myself and learn about me again with this thing bc i personally dont feel like me anymore. Yes I've turned down guys bc they werent my type but there have others that i thought would form into something more I just didnt have the guts to talk to them n waste time knowing it would only go so far n then communication would be cut off.

Just my thoughts... This Herpes thing has really got ppl talking about life and how it goes on, how it gets better and yes success stories are everywhere. But sometimes...most of the time I do all I can to avoid talking to guys that approach me or if they show the slightest amount of interest I shut them down. I'm still a lil off n in a dark place after all this time, change is harder for some more than others. I feel like my dating life or whats left of it at the moment will be just me and herp bc anyone else would be a third wheel lol. I've seen all the videos blogs and stories but the truth is when I read some of these blogs I feel for these ppl who's whole mindset has been turned upside down like mine. Certain freedoms lost forever...."take these pills....you cant do this...you cant do that...remember even if you think you arent shedding you probably are and if you want to avoid spreading the virus completely just avoid sex all together bc hey condoms only cut down the percentage". You never know what you had until its gone. Reassuring to a degree until u realize the next step and knowing avoiding the talk wont last forever. Dating n making friends has its own struggles but to tell a guy that hey i got this are u able to handle it ?.... This will still make me feel separated....I can't wait for the day that I'm able to accept this and the new me but until then avoidance is bliss.

I completely understand where you ladies are coming from... but I seem to have the opposite reaction. I'm really not a fan of makeup; usually some eyeliner and lip gloss is all I do but every since I've found out I see my natural state as me being vunerable. I've got to compensate overtime now bc i definitely dont feel as beautiful as I used to. Yes I know deep down nothing has changed physically but recently my friend bought it to my attention that she sees a change in me looking at mirror constantly checking my makeup for inconsistencies....my ego, self esteem whatever has def taken a blow since I've found out n this particular friend doesnt know im H+.

It's not even limited to finding the nerve to talk, its finding the nerve to put it out there that you are still desirable and you still enjoy that part of life. I've been talking to this guy n im starting to think all we will ever do is share hugs n kisses. Its so frustrating! I dont want any of that all i want is to relieve some tension n keep it moving. But herpes just kills the mood.

So UPDATE: I decided to be so bold and attempt this disclosure thing to a guy I was really into. He had brought up flirting and some sexual advances and when he realized I didn't respond to them he got concerned. So he asked me what was going on whether I liked him or not and I flat out told him my situation, what i had been thru and what i was dealing with. He answered by saying it must have been really hard to tell him that and he didnt know how the intimacy thing would happened but he thought I was a cool person and wanted to continue talking to me. First let me say telling him made me feel like someone had outed me and after I told him he didnt ask any questions about herpes facts or whatever. That was two weeks ago..... since then he barely txts me n never calls me. If anything he asks hows ur day going n that would be it. I feel like if he knew he was uncomfortable why tell me you want to continue talking bc he can barely do that. I told myself he must be busy bc he is moving frm OKC to here but now I feel like he has lost interest in me ..... its a hard pill to swallow. So yea this was what I was afraid of...rejection.

@DecievedAndDealing I totally get where you are coming from and I am so srry about what you had to go thru and what you are dealing with now. First of all, let me say i also feel your anger and frustration bc this ex didnt take the time to test him self properly. (Thats like the common excuse around with Herpes) Not knowing and not testing. Ive been dealing with this for a little over 10 months and the 1st episode (i hate the term outbreak) i had was the worst the rest were managable. The Valtrex worked for me fairly quickly with the dosage my dr gave me but aloe gel also helped me a lot. I wouldn't even begin to think about trust and disclosing now bc this is something that makes you suspicious of everyone and their actions so I would just focus on you and your recovery until you feel better no matter how long it takes. I have trust issues as well and I know im nowhere near comfortable with the fact i have to deal with this everytime i stress out much less tell someone. Just work and focus on you! A lot of people say it gets better I dont believe that yet but there are success stories so its really just about waiting to see.

Thank you.Right now my main concern is letting go of the anger and the overbearing shame of it all. I haven't seen the video but I'll check it out.

Thank you @Judith. Patience is a virtue that I'm trying to work on. Yes, I know I shouldn't be so angry but I am, more like enraged. I thought 12 months would be enough time but it just continues to add frustration for me even after I've changed my diet and taken this pills, which btw was one of the most hardest things Ive done : going to the pharamacy to pick up Valtrex when everyone knows what its for.

@HERRY. I didn't say anything about not celebrating my birthday anymore but its definitely not as big of a joyous occasion as it used to be because its just a reminder which sometimes leads to depression. Two, I was tested before I met this person and I get it regularly blood and swabs and he said he had got it too but clearly he didnt take a blood test or else he would have known dont you think? So the only mistake I made was trusting him with my life, something I know now that will not be an easy thing for someone to gain from me again. What I don't understand is that with or without a condom it can still be passed, sometimes u have symptoms sometimes u dont or not at all ??? Then its not even apart of common std testing YET supposedly a ton of ppl have it? Im sorry but that doesnt encourage me in the least.

So I'm new here... I've been dealing with this situation for almost a year now (will be in august). Back story : I found out I had herpes on my birthday because what I thought was a small rash escalated into the most painful thing I've ever experienced. So when I went to the Dr., her exact words were " Are you ok? Because this looks painful. BTW i see that its your birthday, happy birthday but I'm sorry to inform you that you have HERPES." Needless to say I dont feel the same about birthdays anymore because it's just a horrible reminder of how my life changed for the worst. I took a blood test that confirmed my fears and told the guy I was dating at the time that he had given it to me and he was reckless to do so. He found out he had it too after a blood test but apparently he had no idea he had it because they were no symptoms. I didn't believe him with what I knew then about herpes but because of the embarrassment we decide to have a relationship that lasted 10 months before I found out he cheated. Since then I've been single and down about my future. I haven't told anyone besides my mom and my two best friends and personally I don't plan on telling anyone else. I apologize beforehand but this is not some minor skin condition as I've heard people describe it. It's an contagious STD with risks and consequences that one has to deal with for the rest of their lives! I applaud those who get over and lead "normal" lives but in my mind, my ex destroyed a part of my life with his carelessness and now I have to pay the price.