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So I haven't been dating my boyfriend that long but him, and I feel like we're soulmates blah blah, I'll spare you the mushy details. But long story short, he's already been informed about the fact that I have herpes and he'll randomly mention before sex sometimes when he's putting on the condom that he should just not wear one this time, since he's "gonna get it eventually when we have kids." I mean, I definitely feel like I'll be with him for the rest of my life, but I'd rather just wait until we're ready to HAVE kids for him to get it ... I keep telling him it's not something he wants to get. Any advice?

Wait, whaat? Where/when do these groups happen cuz I totally live in NC.

Ahh this is the same exact thing that happened to me recently! Including the love confession. Especially the line "I'm imagining this as the first and last time I'll have to disclose to a partner." Same for me! I really feel like this is it for me. I'm so happy for you. :D

ElleMN, you are so right. I found out I had herpes when I slept with my second partner, not sure exactly when I got it. Obviously I've always told my partners after that, therefore I've never just had casual sex. But I often wonder if I would have been promiscuous if I hadn't gotten it. Herpes CAN be a blessing in disguise. It keeps me in check, you know? And Lucky, we've all been where you've been. Keep your head up. There's always a bright side. Always. Trust me when I say it gets easier <3 I'm 4 years on this path and I am a stronger woman for it.

DeeDee, It is illegal for your doctor to tell your mother anything about you without your permission. I have seen the same doctor since I was 17, ALSO the same doctor my mother sees! And she has been with me through everything--the herpes included, she diagnosed me. DON'T be ashamed to get medical help/advice from your doctor, and if you feel uncomfortable then find a new doctor whom you feel comfortable with! Legally they CAN NOT reveal anything to ANYONE but you, not even voicemail if your doctor's office is anything like mine.

Lisa, I totally am right there with you. Every single thing in this last post of yours is me to the core, even down to the strong italian woman :p. Except a few people in my immediate family DO know, such as my mother and twin sister, which has helped a lot when I need advice on when to tell boyfriends or potential boyfriends. I told them when I first got it and honestly, I don't think I would have been as "together", I guess, as I am now if they didn't know. I have been struggling with depression ever since I got it (maybe even BEFORE I got it, I don't know...), but I try to take life head on and not let the little things get to me anymore. I'd like to think I was a strong person before this happened to me, because I wait tables for a living :p. So I need to have a tough skin. But this has changed my life more than anything. I always say I have no regrets, and it's true. While having herpes is a struggle sometimes when trying to be with someone else romantically, and of course the occasional breakout isn't pleasant, I have found overall that it has changed my life for the better. I was young when I got it (19) and still am young (22 now, almost 23), so I'm not sure if I was even DONE growing up yet... but I can definitely say it's made me become a realist, for sure. Shit happens, you know? We just have to deal with it the best we can.

In the almost 4 years I have known I've had herpes, I like to joke to people that I have bad luck. "...no, really," I always say, because it's not generally known that I have it, but it's like my own private joke (heh, heh?). It's not something I would like people to know about me unless I tell them first, if only because I would hate to be judged by people I don't even know, based on something I can't change. It's definitely been really hard for me, coping with it. It has made me a stronger woman, overall, but it was a rollercoaster ride to get here, with more downs than ups. I contracted herpes when I was 19, from either my first or second boyfriend (both of them deny having had it, so I'll never know, ha). Now, almost 4 years later, after a string of rejection and failed relationships (some on my part, some on theirs), I have currently been single for almost a year and a half. I was all set on solitude for the rest of my life, jokingly saying that my cat is the only male I need in my life. It was only after reading your blogs did I realize I am actually severely depressed. When I thought I was being independent, I know now that I have just been afraid to open up again. And when I've been saying, "ah, screw relationships, they're just a waste of time and someone ALWAYS gets hurt", now I know I was just setting myself up for failure. Your words have given me hope. I have always known the statistics of people with herpes since I contracted it (which, in theory, means that roughly 20% of the people I know have it also...), but somehow I still considered myself alone in this situation. I never thought about looking for support. When I read the blogs I was crying; crying with hope, crying with shame for ever FEELING ashamed, crying with a renewed purpose for life again. I know that my heart won't unfreeze instantly, but I think I'm ready to start feeling again. So I really just wanted to say thank you, and I don't think I've ever meant those words more.