WhoopsiDaysi
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Posts posted by WhoopsiDaysi
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I am meeting with "Experiment Boy" right now. I'll let you know how it goes. I reached the point of no return and figured I'd try something new. I'll let you know if it's successful or not. It's hard to know when to disclose. I don't like waiting too long myself because it like it to be out there so I know we are moving forward for sure. Or not. Whatever the case may be.
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So, eHarmony guy who I told I have a skin condition we need to discuss if we meet are meeting for a drink tomorrow. It was a total experiment that I never expected to go anywhere. I honestly thought I'd never hear from him again but I was so tired of stressing about it and decided to say to heck with it and just throw it out there and let the chips fall where they may. Who knew! I guess we'll go on the date and see what happens! Once he hears the "h" word, it may not work out any better than before, but hey, it's worth a try and see where this experiment takes me. May as well have fun with it, right? :)
Brenda
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Awesome news CAS! I wish I could be there to hug you in person. I am so happy and relieved for you. It is SO hard to spit those words out, isn't it? It's like you know your whole life could change in that moment and you don't know which way it will go. Bravo my dear!!!! You are a warrior and a survivor and you did the right thing. I hope you woke up today with a new found sense of "I am AWESOME!" because you are. :) Thanks for letting us know how it went. :)
Brenda xox
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Thanks so much! :) And you know, you're right. This herpes thing really is a blessing because it really forces me to examine a relationship where I never used to before. I'd jump in heart first and about two weeks into it my head would catch up and realize I had "done it again" and then had to do clean up work. H really does slow things down and make one examine relationships. It is also a good test for the future of a relationship. If they can't handle a cold sore, what about the bigger issues in life?
Thanks my dears. You all rock! I am SO lucky to have all of you in my corner. Without the H Opportunity and you, I would be doing this alone. :) Love you all!
Brenda xxo
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I am back. Disclosure done. I tried to ease into it and then I just decided to rip the bandaid off and just say it - I have herpes. He was surprised. They all are. The same look for all of them. LOL He was very gracious and asked lots of questions and said he would be talking to his doctor about this. I gave him as much information as I could and told him he needed to go away and think about it. I said if he decided it wasn't for him, not to feel bad. I explained that really the only time it's a big deal was in that moment of having to tell someone. The rest of the time it's just something that is and I also explained how it was a blessing in my life. Now that I have seen him again, not sure he's "the One" but it was good to practice it and realize that I am making progress in how I feel about myself when I tell people. I am feeling a lot more positive and not in judgment of myself like I used to be.
Thanks SO much for your encouragement and the resources. I also explained what an amazing group of support I have here and how I am SO excited to be going to the seminar in less than two weeks! :)
How did things go for you CAS? I hope it went really, really well!! :)
Brenda xo
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Thanks!! It was a great podcast. I will definitely listen to it again and again. I should see if I can download it and listen to it on the way!! LOL I'll let you know how it goes!
I am on eHarmony and I decided to try something new. You get to ask questions back and forth and when we got to the part where we could ask our own questions, I asked one of the guys if there were any dealbreakers and I listed things like smoking, drinking, having MS, small children, herpes, being overweight, etc. I figured hey, if herpes freaked him out, he'd jump all over it. His answer was that we all had stuff but it is when they are not disclosed that there is an issue. When I emailed him I told him I have a skin condition and if we decided to meet, we'd have to talk about it. I was sure I wouldn't hear from him but he wrote me back and wasn't even phased. Interesting.... :) We still haven't set a date, but I found that sort of straight up approach rather freeing. We shall see.
Anyway, time to get ready for "The Date". Thanks again everyone!!
Brenda
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Thanks CBK! Great advice on figuring out what to say. I may try writing things down and reframing in more positive language. All this fuss for a silly common virus. Honestly.
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Thanks so much for the link. I listened to it and feel SO much better. I would be lying if I said I am not still a bit nervous, but listening to that podcast really helped calm my fears and has helped me work out a more relaxed way to talk about this tonight.
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LOL You are awesome! Thanks so much!! xo
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Thanks lelani. And yes, he has told me things about himself that could have been dealbreakers for sure. Which is why I can't wait much longer to tell him since he has been so open and honest and risked so early in the relationship. As you say, since he's done that, hopefully it will bode well for me. I will let you know how it goes! *fingers crossed*
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Met a great guy last week. He has been very open about his past and told me things that, quite frankly, I am not sure I'd have the courage to tell, and did in such a wonderful way. So, we are on to date #3. It's obvious that we both like each other and I feel that since he's been so open with me, it's time I give him the same courtesy. This is the only time herpes is a big deal. Ugh. What sort of information do you give to a new partner? Are there sites you recommend they look at? I have the one by the Westover Heights clinic. I will be glad when I know how this all works out. :) Wish me luck! So far I am zero for however many times I've had this talk in the last year. I am hoping this is the exception. Any advice or resources would be most welcome in the meantime.
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I agree with the others, having some sort of information or a resource where you can find the information on herpes would have been really helpful. I left without so much as a pamphlet. All I left with was the diagnosis, being informed that I will pass this along to anyone I have sex with and I could take meds if I wanted. Have a nice day. Or not. I would have also loved to know about a local group of people that I could connect with here in Calgary. ANYTHING would have been helpful. My doctor and nurse were pretty good about judgment, but even then, I still felt judged and damaged. It wasn't until I reached out myself and found a local group and people like you here that I stated to see the positive side of this and also to feel like I was worthy again.
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Awesome!! I am counting the days as well. :)
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Angel, Thank you so much for sharing your story. You write so well and you expressed the thoughts and fears of so many of us. I was diagnosed a year ago (happy anniversary!) but have suspected for almost 10 years (hello denial!). I have had moments just like you - "What's the big deal? Simple skin condition. Pfft" to "Oh my God, no one will ever want to be with me again. I will be single and celibate for the rest of my life!!!!". Adrial is right - this dating thing is fraught with all sorts of issues, of which herpes is just a small part. Your Mr. Wonderful may not have herpes but he has all the baggage from his wife and the cancer. You obviously have the issue of herpes dealt with and are coping the best you can. He, on the other hand, may not have something that he can pass on potentially like herpes, but it will affect any possible relationship far more until he comes to term with it. We all come with "stuff". Ours is just more obvious but not nearly as destructive as some of the emotional baggage some people carry around with them. If anything, this herpes diagnosis makes us stronger, more cautious with our health and the health of our partners and much more accepting of what others may be struggling with. I am hoping that your Mr. Wonderful has had some time to process everything and has come to realize what an amazing woman you obviously are and that a simple skin condition is hardly worth missing out on what you have to offer him. And if he does walk away, then, as Adrial says, he's not the right person and it's okay because the right person is so worth waiting for. :) You deserve amazing!
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Thanks so much Janice and Adrial. I needed to see this today as I have been struggling as well. I am with you - not always the happiest time of year and yes, I too would LOVE to have someone in my life. It seems the herpes monster has been screaming in my ear though - "yeah...you'd love someone but who is going to stay once they find out about me." But then I look around and see so many people struggling with major life issues of life and death and I feel a bit silly for my melancholy.
Janice, I will ask Santa to send you Mr. Wonderful for Christmas. Maybe he can give us a "two for one" deal. All the best with the herpes situation and I will pray for you and your friends who are struggling with such unbelievable challenges.
Love and Best Wishes,
Brenda xoxoox
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Great attitude and you are right - this does not need to ruin anyone's life. My ex and I were together for 5 years. I didn't know then I had it so we didn't use protection (although if anything was amiss I abstained) and he never got it. I made him get tested after we broke up because I had an outbreak soon after he left. I was hoping I got it from him and I could blame him, but nope. It's not life threatening and the chance of getting it with the right precautions in pretty small. And even if they do get it, life goes on, as we can all attest to. :)
Merry Christmas to you and your lovely baby as well!! xo
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Thanks so much for sharing your story taurus_lady! Your story sounds similar to mine and my lessons are similar as well. I felt the same way at first and then, like you, I realized it was actually a blessing in disguise. I do make much better choices now and, for the first time in my life, have started to finally realize my own worth. I have much higher expectations for a partner and I am no longer willing to settle. None of that would have happened without our viral friend. Thank you for sharing both your story and your lessons for others to see that although this can be a life changing experience, it is actually for the good!
All the very best for the holiday season and here is to an amazing 2013!!
Brenda
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That is so awesome Harlow. Thanks so much for sharing and it is so true what you say - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Thanks Adrial as well. We are all human and, yes, we all have "baggage" or imperfections. Having someone look at us, all of us, and see the good, the bad and the ugly and have them fully accept us is the most amazing feeling, but that person has to be yourself first. We need to look in the mirror and see ourselves, flaws and all, and think "Wow! I am amazing and beautiful and perfect." The thing that keeps me grounded is that God looks at me and sees even parts I don't want to see about myself and He loves me unconditionally. Once we can do that for ourselves, then we can do that for others and hopefully one day have someone do that for us. I have friends who love and accept me that way and it is such an amazing blessing to have that kind of love and friendship. I am looking forward to having a partner one day who can look at me and I can look at him and we can both see the absolute perfection in our humanity.
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Coming to the seminar is the highlight of my year! :) So looking forward to meeting you as well Kristin and Adrial. And *fingers crossed* Lelani! :)
Merry Christmas to all of you! Here is to the BEST year yet!
Brenda xo
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I will be there Kristin and I can hardly wait! Looking so forward to meeting you and Adrial and everyone else who will be there. I am counting the days!!! AND, I will be there as a newly divorced woman. I just found out today that it is official!! Life is good baby and it just keeps getting better. This seminar is for me as well. I am at the same place in my life - I have been and done for everyone else and now it is time for me, me, me, me!! :)
Brenda
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Wow Trying, that is so awesome! I am so glad you are feeling so much better. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself and look at the example you set for your gifter. Hopefully your example will help him to grow and not make the same mistake with anyone else. And for you, this is huge. The peace you are feeling is priceless. We all are in the process of learning and growing. Every baby step we take in integrity and honesty moves us towards become our highest and best self. Huge hugs to you sweetheart!!
Brenda
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Thanks so much for the links Kristin. :) They were very helpful and informative.
Brenda
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Thanks so much for the links Kristin. :) They were very helpful and informative.
Brenda
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VirgoGirl, I am SO happy to hear things went so well for you. Isn't it interesting how the very thing or situation that you feel is a curse can actually turn out to be such a blessing. It gave you such an opportunity to bond and to really test the limits of your bond. It has probably made you stronger as a couple as a result. Yay!!! Thanks so much for being so transparent and vulnerable with us and allowing us to share in your fears, your journey and your triumph! I am so happy for both of you!
Brenda xo
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Herpes Disclosure Day tomorrow......moral support and information appreciated
in The herpes talk: disclosing
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Experiment Boy and I had a nice visit but there was no sparks for either of us so there was no point telling him anything about the gift. Oh well, it was a good experiment. Some days I just want to stand on a hill and yell "I HAVE HERPES!!!!" and just get it out there. I am so tired of the stress that goes with talking about something so common. No one stresses to tell someone they have coldsores or they had chicken pox as a kid. It was rather ironic in that Experiment Boy told me about getting shingles from stress. Ahhhhh!! Didn't have to build up to it, apologize, explain, nothing. Just boom - I had shingles. One day I hope to have that same sort of casual conversation about the gift.