So, I just found out I have herpes. It was September 5th, where I felt something weird on my inner groin near my vagina. I ran to the bathroom to see what it was with a mirror. As soon as I saw I panicked. I knew it was herpes. Mind you I had just found out 2 weeks ago that my 19 year old cousin was diagnosed with herpes. I was talking to my parents and boyfriend about it like wow thats so sad shes so young, I feel so bad for her. And then BOOM I had it. Well lets back track a bit. About a week prior to the 5th I thought I had pulled something in my left leg in yoga, hence the name I am a yoga teacher and I have injured my left leg in the past. I had this tingling sensation in my left leg that moved to my butt and then my vaginal region, burning (thought it was chafing) and I kept asking my boyfriend is there something on my butt. It was a big annoyance but not what I would call painful. Plus my period was coming on. Once I got my period I just thought it was a bad period with sciatic nerve pain. Fast forward discovering the 4 clustered bumps on my groin I threw a fit. Running back and forth in the hall crying and falling to the floor screaming why me why me? I knew I had to go to an urgent care to get tested. I called my boyfriend and he immediately came over asking what was going on, I showed him the bumps and he said it looked like "dry skin". It wasnt painful to touch which was strange but I was like it has to be herpes. Well once we get to the urgent care and see the doctor , the doctor stated well you would know if you have herpes, its extremely painful and she was poking at the bumps and it didnt really phase me no pain.
She then took a culture and then tested me for every other STD and stated it would be about a week or so. She said theres a chance its not herpes but prescribed meds anyway. Well I was broke and I skipped out on the meds and went home, where my boyfriend was saying how I was being overly dramatic and how it's not herpes. I actually started believing him also apologizing for being dramatic. (We even had sex a few days later stupid of us but it didnt hurt at all) However, I didnt sleep that night just thinking and waiting on my results. Well that sunday I got a call about HIV results it was negative but the nurse said the others would take a little longer to get back. Well I tried thinking about positive things like the fact my 26th Birthday was coming up on the 12th but it didnt last. I became impatient and decided to call the nurse on wednesday to find out if any of my other tests had come back. She read through them so fast like , " HIV NO, chlamydia and gonorrhea NO, Herpes YES. I was like what? YES? She said yea are u taking your meds. I was like no the bumps are going away I am not in pain what do you mean YES.? And she said well the test came back positive for herpes. I freaked. I left work early flying to the nearest ER to get re-tested I wanted a second opinion, they wouldnt retest me because they all have access to the results. I was devastated. I thought about crashing my car in a tree on the drive home. I eventually
Decided to take the prescribed meds of Valtrex for 10 days along with some other vitamins I saw were good for herpes.
I was a hot mess. I didn't know what to think, I wanted to place blame. Why did my boyfriend give me herpes and it just got worse from there. Emotionally I was up and down, parents were making it worse saying that my boyfriend is gay, he gave me herpes, and hes putting me at risk for HIV. I couldnt believe what they were saying and we had the biggest argument. I had to realize they are reacting out of fear and concern but still it was driving me nuts. Since then I have taken time away from them trying to get back intouch with myself, keep telling myself to forgive, and that I am not damaged goods but I feel that way. As for the boyfriend, I feel like he has been acting strange becoming distant, he wouldnt answer my calls or texts after we argued, it was just a strange time\. I told him he needed to get tested and that the doctor mentioned I tested positive for it being a new case of herpes so there is a high chance you have herpes and didnt know it as he did not show any symptoms. What is scary is that most STD screenings does not test for herpes. And guess what the clinic where he goes to get tested does not test for that, so he thought he was clean. For an update, I have taken a break from my parents and boyfriend because I was on edge with them and they have no idea what I am going through emotionally.
My boyfriend is texting me that he misses me and loves me but I just don't want to be bothered. I am a wreck. I have OK DAYs then bad days. And to make matters worse I AM SUPER PARANOID! I Look at my vagina with a mirror several times day and I STILL HAVE PREDROME SYMPTOMS BUT NO VISIBLE BUMPS. I have tingling throughout the day in my left leg and butt. I AM SCARED THAT I AM GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER OUTBREAK. I am also about to get my period and see that it can be a trigger. Right now my butt kinda hurts and last night I saw some redness but no bumps. I have been taking 3000mg of LYSINE, 1000 mg of VITAMIN C, and 50 mg of Zinc praying to never have a outbreak again. I am into natural healing so I really don't want to try surpressive therapy just yet. I just feel like I have no control over this. The doctor stated that since my first outbreak was mild thats a good sign for future ones. Also I was diagnosed with HPV About 5 years and had genital warts for a few months and they never ever came back. I am hoping that my immune system will do the same for the herpes. I just needed to vent and share my story with people who understand what I am going through.
Peace, Love and Light, Namaste
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