FF1

@Dancer. I will admit; this is the first time I have disclosed to a potential partner and received this sort of reaction. My previous relationship partners simply shrugged their shoulders and trusted that I would do everything I could to protect them. So yes, I agree with your point of view.

@Dancer: I appreciate your point of view. If I understand you, the question is: Why limit the pool of potential partners? I look at it this way: The stress of having "the talk" and then supporting a potential partner through the shock of your news is terribly difficult. I'm going through it now with someone I met a few months ago. While she is struggling with this information, she hasn't said it is a deal breaker, so I guess that is a positive. But the stress of going through this has lead to my first OB in 188 days and as usual, a mild one. At first I thought I'd like to meet someone H-, but now, I think it would be easier just to meet someone in the same boat. I think it is better to stay within our group when searching for a partner as we all have an understanding and acceptance of the situation. This eliminates much of the stress leading up to you breaking the news and your partner's reaction.

What is the best type of doctor to see for this? Urologist, Immunologist? I found my GP to be almost useless.

I have never been tested. I was diagnosed by my doctor based on visual inspection when I had my first OB. My OBs have been confined to the genital area; never in all the years has anything appeared in or around my mouth. I'm going to take an educated guess (and I know there is no excuse to guess), but I am going to say that I carry HSV1 as my OBS are few and far between (2 or 3 per year) and very mild. Usually within 5 days, all indicators are gone.

Welcome to the site; just got here myself a few days ago and feel better about things already.

I've been told by an immunologist that once you start suppressive therapy, you run the risk of an extended OB if you stop them until you own immune system gets up to speed.

You have to respect a person like that... willing to accept the entire package the way he does.

Hi Seeker, I think we all have moments like the one you are going through; the kind of moment where you wish life was a video tape that you could rewind and re-record, undoing what put us in this situation. I've only been here a few days and already I am finding comfort being here with others in my situation. For me, it isn't comfort in a "misery loves company" mentality. It is in knowing that I'm not alone in my situation. After almost 30 years of dealing with it by myself, it is nice to have others to lean on from time to time. Just know you're not alone. FF1

I've read that anti-vitals once daily will greatly reduce the severity and frequency of outbreaks. I don't believe that this is the best way to use anti-vitals. I believe that it is best to let your own immune system fight the virus on its own. At the first sign of an OB, I introduce the anti-viral twice a day for 7 days as added support when my immune system can't keep the virus in check on its own. I think taking anti-virals daily makes your immune system less capable of defending against the virus on its own. I'm interested in hearing how others use anti-virals.

Most definitely; I'm living life. Not in a holding pattern, waiting for a vaccine. And yes, I understand it is not a cure. Thank you for posting links to the discussions. :)

I've been reading that there is a vaccine in trials but it is probably a good 4-5 years away. Has anyone else heard about this?

Hello, I'd like to begin by thanking everyone in advance for their input to my questions. The Internet is a fountain of knowledge; some accurate and some inaccurate. I am hoping that after 30 years of living with H, I can get some real, reliable answers to so many questions. I was only 22 years old when I found out the hard way that I had H. It was my first experience with intimacy and something that I wanted for a few years already. Then, an opportunity for which I wasn't ready presented itself. I took a chance and it is something I have regretted ever since. When I first found out, I had no one to turn to. Even my physician wasn't sure what it was when he looked and sent me over to a specialist who diagnosed what he saw as genital herpes. He was cold and unsupportive and just told me to "live with it". I was devastated; I felt disgusted with myself and just plain filthy. I considered pulling myself from the dating scene but then decided dating was okay, ending the relationship when intimacy became almost impossible to avoid. Then, I met a girl where I could not end the relationship; I felt too strongly about her and decided that I would take a chance and tell her how I felt. My thinking was that I was ending past relationships because it would be a deal-breaker for any woman. Why was I answering the question for them? Why not tell them and let them decide; let them disqualify me instead of disqualifying myself. I told her and to my joy, she was okay with it. Her rules were that I had to promise not to engage her with intimacy when I felt an event coming on and to keep myself off limits until things cleared up. At first, we used condoms. But she was on the pill too and eventually, the sex was unprotected. That relationship went on for over ten years. During that time, she never told me, nor did I observe any signs of H. If she has tested positive since the relationship ended, she never told me. I repeated the same process a few years later in a new relationship. While it didn't last as long as the previous relationship, the results were the same; unprotected most of the time. She never told me, nor did I observe any signs of H. Again, if she tested positive since the relationship ended, she never told me. After a few years off, I began dating and in June, met a nice girl. After a few months of dating, the subject of intimacy came up and as is my practice, I informed her. Her facial expression was not one of understanding and compassion, but she seemed to accept it. The next time I saw her, I sensed that something was troubling her. When I asked her, she told me that she had gone on the Internet to research. She said that the more she read on the subject, the worse she felt. She hoped to read that it wasn't a big deal, but everything she read told her it was a very big deal. I suddenly found myself feeling disgusted and filthy all over again. I told her that it was important to vet the sites she was relying on for information and that my experience contradicted much of what she was telling me she read. She said she wasn't interested in hearing about my experience, but without being allowed to add my experience to what she has read, we probably have read the same things and I would have nothing new to add. Isn't adding my personal experience to what is available on line important information for her to have? Shouldn't my personal experiences be important for her to consider when trying to make an informed decision? I am happy to say that she has not disqualified me but she labors under a lot of assumptions that I believe are untrue. I apologize profusely for such a long winged post, but now I have some questions too: 1. I understand that the virus, when dormant, resides in a nerve group at the base of the spine. When you have an event, it is because the virus replicates and travels to the nerve endings where it manifests itself as a small red spot or blistering. I have never had a event in or around my mouth. Can I give genital H to my partner if I perform oral sex on her when I have genital H only? She believes that the virus courses through your body, and I could easily give her Genital Herpes if I perform oral sex on her because the virus is present in my saliva. I know this to be untrue. Can someone clear this up for me? 2. I was recently over her house and was helping her with some yard work. We planned to have some dinner when we were done. Expecting to get sweaty, I brought a change of clothes. When we were done, she offered me a shower. She was acting uneasy. She gave me a towel and was sure to keep tabs on which was mine. Then, she inquired if I was having an outbreak before giving me permission to use her bar soap. Is this a concern? Can she get genital herpes from using the same bar of soap as I ? I also have to say that I felt her inquiry was inappropriate. I mean; if this is a relationship, shouldn't she trust me to protect her and let her know when I am having an event? So, was the inquiry inappropriate or am I sensitive? I'm going to stop here and give people time to respond. Thank you in advance and again, I'm sorry for such a long-winded post. Thank you, Fact Finding.