This is how it all started. This is going to be long; I know you guys understand. So.. I met this guy when I was 14, we were so close, best friends and started dating at 16, we were both virgins and had sex for the first time at 17. We broke up at 18 and didn't speak for two years... It was hard for me to get over him, especially the way we stopped talking but the way our friendship was we still spoke when we came in contact. I went out with some friends in July and saw him and like normally, we hug and catch up. That night I had a few drinks too many, I had just got back from a cruise that I enjoyed and had drinks everyday all day. So when I returned home I was still drinking like a fish. Lol Anyways, I told him I missed him he said call me, I took his number called him when we left and he told me to meet him at his house. When I got there we laughed and talked for awhile like normal. I knew what I came for but he didn't just go straight for the kill. I kissed him and he said you're so drunk and we laughed.. Minutes later, I'm giving him oral and he's not fully extended. I asked him "what's wrong" and laughed he says, "You were my first" I didn't know that until that night, he said it before but I didn't believe him. So that night I said "awwww, and look at us 5 years later". Eventually things got better, he put on a condom and here we go. We used 2 condoms and I laughed cause he had this HUGE bag of condoms, I guess the ones you get from the health department. I got up to use the bathroom and he yelled out "ARE YOU OKAY?" I'll NEVER forget that, it actually keeps playing in my head and I said Yes!??!. Not even thinking WHY would he ask me that. HE NEVER ASKS QUESTIONS LIKE THAT. Not in a situation like this (me not being aware). I came back into the room we start again this time no protection and everything is so wet.We fall asleep, get up the next morning talked for a while and I left. Funny thing is WE NEVER TALKED AFTER THAT DAY!!!!! I reached out to him twice. A few days after that day I called him to tell him my private was still hurting from the pounding to joke and laugh like he put it down!! I shaved within the next week and had a cut between my >cheeks< I'm thinking, I cut myself while shaving.. No biggie. Then it happened again. Shaving. No biggie. Then it happened again shaving but this time it didn't heal as fast. I made a doctors appt. I had an irregular discharge; didn't smell just large amount to go along with my "cut". Also from all the moisture I'm just thinking it's just a lot of girly things going on down there, I was aware of what everything looked like, I would have NEVER thought H!!! When I got to the doctor I explained, she took a culture this was a Friday, Monday the nurse called and my heart CRACKED. I didn't cry, I was more shocked than anything.. WHY ME!? I couldn't believe it. I talked, made jokes about my now ex friend about this, she was a nasty girl but now I see that you don't even have to be "nasty" to be betrayed. I trusted him, and I think someone told me he had an std before, I can't remember and I'm scared to ask my friends because then I might have to tell them. Lol I can laugh about it cause I'm not really an uptight person, I love laughing and smiling but sometimes when I'm alone I do feel elky! I feel ugly, I feel disgusting, I have felt like this was the end for me, I saw this website all the forums and I disclosed to my best friend and we talk about everything. It wasn't so hard we are pretty blunt and straight forward but I've NEVER HAD AN STD, STI, ST NOTHING BEFORE so this made me feel soooo degrading! It's only been a week but I beat myself up about it. I should have been smarter, but I trusted him and still cared. That was the problem. Now I'm going to need help telling other people close to me not that they have to know, but even a new guy... HOW!? I know I'm waiting on sex until it's well worth it. I have read A LOT of discussions and did research, I'm pretty hipped to it. I'm just mentally distraught! I NEED Hbuddies message me!!! &I just know it was him, I haven't been sexual with anyone since, I can go without it for long periods of time, I texted him the other day and said "YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME" no response. I feel like he did it, didn't mean to "hurt" me, has to live with it and afraid to face me. It's not that I have H it's caring sooo much about the person that didn't care enough about me to tell me!! Ughhh
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