inspired32
-
Posts
87 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by inspired32
-
-
Just wanted to say... Dancer.. This is amazing because you said tantric sex and then last night my boyfriend came over and he said babe I know the next weird thing we are gonna try.. Tantric sex. And I told him about how I posted on the forum and you said tantric .. Wow meant to be haha anyways he said there is an 8 week course on it starting in September. Guess he seems me in his life for the next 5 months :)
-
Yes I know it's skeptical that's why I had you look it up because I honestly don't know how to explain it. It is expensive but my boyfriend was able to get a friend to get us a discount and we each only paid 97 for the day intro workshop class it's 10am-5pm. But it's only in Santa Monica, San Fran, London and New York right now if you're in those places. I still only feel comfortable seeing it as a couples thing although singles do it and pair up with people I am only interested in using it to enhance my boyfriend and mines connection
-
I think it's strange too and still do a little .. But they say it's so that the woman doesn't have to worry about her partners hands being dirty or nails too long and things of that nature
-
I have posted on here several times before - my name is Alexa for those who don't remember. Just a side note I have had herpes type 1 on my genitals for a little over 3 years now with no outbreaks since my initial! I have just met my boyfriend a few months ago who knows and has accepted it. He is into different things and asked me about tying orgasmic meditation. This sounded cool to me since I already love orgasms ... Who doesn't ! Is recommended going to one taste website and learning about it because it's hard to explain. But I will say this- your partner and you are meditating for 15 minutes where he strokes your clitoris in a certain spot. During this he wears gloves- and it isn't supposed to be sexual the only goal for both is to feel. The pressure is off and the connection can then really be established. This is magical I wanted to mention it because I am grateful for it myself already! Just wondering if anyone on here has heard about it. Also felt it was appropriate because it's very safe and protected where herpes isn't an issue and we can learn to feel and put aside any stress and or shame we feel about heroes or just our lives.
-
I just wanted to give a small update because I always look to this site for comfort and hope that others living with herpes find love happiness and beautiful emotional sex. It has been another month and I'm posting on this thread so others can see the situation without wondering what I'm talking about. Sex with my new boyfriend - he asked me officially last week- :) has been absolutely amazing intense and emotional. He is still completely comfortable with me to the point of he doesn't wear a condom even tho he knows the risk. I am on birth control but I sometimes worry I'm still not being smart. 2 days ago was my three year herpes anniversary and 3 years since my initial and only ever outbreak! Usually I get very emotional but this time I forgot it was even the day I just remembered today! My boyfriend introduced me to his theta therapist whom he told about my herpes and talks about it with. I am now seeing her just for self esteem and negative patterns of my thoughts and behavior. We are both growing and learning together. We also may attend orgasmic meditation if anyone's heard of that! I just wanted to share because there are partners out there who will be 100% accepting and ok with a special identity I will call it ;) I also showed him adrials new video he posted and he watched it and liked it.
-
Yes oops!! He did say he had the specific herpes test and it came back negative for both types. I should bring it up again and let him know those are just canker sores. Also, his test was 6 months ago. It is also nice for a change to know I'm being safe too toward getting other stds because now I know he's clean :) ;) I also told him about me using a dental dam and he had no idea what that was ... Thought that was funny.
-
Oh I forgot to add he told me he has cold sores already on his mouth but that they are Inside his mouth not outside . I told him that's good because maybe we can have oral sex then but he isn't sure since he doesn't want them outside his mouth? Even tho I told him it's been 3 yes since I've had an outbreak - havnt since my initial may of 2011 and that it really happens more d I have an open sore . But he can obviously think about it and consider that. Do you know how that works with cold sores on the inside of his mouth? Btw I was sure to tell him he has herpes type one too!! Haha he was like I know! Also it is weird but when I type herpes on my phone it automatically spells heroes ... Hmm must be a sign!
-
Thanks so much for your advice and honesty. I wanted to update which I did not think I'd be doing for a while. I just went to a movie with him last night and ended up hanging out with him and turned into a sleepover as we have had a few already that just don't involve sexual touching. We talked and talked and of course we discussed sex and why I'm waiting and different types and protection. The topic came up if I like to be eaten out and I now lie that I don't just to ensure the guy won't try it with me. He could tell I was lying tho and proceeded to tell me he feels lucky because he has been tested twice and is clean for all stds. Then he finally asked me .. Do you have any stds? And I has to be honest so I told him I have herpes type one on my genitals. It was the most nonchalant conversation I've ever had with anyone about it including girlfriends Andy own family. He said it doesn't change anything and that he regrets 100% breaking up with his ex over it- btw she had type 2 herpes. He said he feels lucky to at this point have had that experience because he now learned a lot about it and sees it as really not such a big deal. He said if it were him he'd be very unhappy and sad if someone chose not to date him because he had an std. I asked too if he had the specific test for herpes when he got tested and he said yes. He asked me lots if questions and was very open with me and wanted to hear my whole story and details about how I've handled it. It was amazing and he said it's ok and thanked me for sharing. In turn he shared something vulnerable about his weight loss and how he's dealt with all of that. I have only known him for 2 weeks so I did not plan to disclose so fast but it feels nice to have it out on the table with someone mature about it. So far so good and I will let you know what happens! Still choosing to not have sex- for a whole until he's may be became my boyfriend and time passes to learn more about each other which he knows. But the other stuff has begun so let the fun continue! This time I don't equal a successful herpes disclosure with my worth and love I just simply see it as an acceptance.
-
I met a guy a little over a week ago thru okcupid. I have not had good luck with that site. However, my old relationship I posted about before where the guy accepted me ended a couple months ago. He was a repeat of my old negative dating patterns. I wanted to quickly state that while it's amaZing when a guy accepts you with herpes, don't use that as the only sign that he likes you and wants to be serious. With that said this new guy is amazing so far but I do have a concern. He is very open and mentioned he broke up with an ex because she had an std. He didn't say what kind but I'd guess herpes since it isn't curable yet. He said his reason was that he wasn't ready to deal with an std because he wasn't in love with her. Now, another date in him and his friend made a joke about a girl being good if she passes lab tests and is clear of stds. In my head I'm shouting I have herpes!!! Hahah hear me roar!!! But, I only have known him for like a week and a half and wouldn't ever disclose to someone until there is commitment there and we are ready to have sex. I worry because of what he said but also that he is so so open what if he asks me one day if I have any stds? I don't wanna lie but I am not ready to tell him if it isn't on my time... How would you handle that? It hasn't happened but I'd like some advice so I feel prepared. Thanks so much! Also important part I always add is I have herpes type ONE on my genitals... And havnt had an outbreak since my initial which was now 3 whole years ago this may! Woo :) !!!
-
I also have genital HSV 1. I was told we are the second most rare form next to HSV 2 orally. WIth that said, I was also told that we are now immune to oral herpes since we already have type one. We can really only spread our herpes to someone going down on us if we are shedding and have open sores. We can 1% spread it to anthers mouth if we have no outbreak or symptoms due to asymptomatic shedding. I have only had one outbreak (my initial) and that was 2 years ago. I only take meds when i feel something which has happened a couple times but it never erupted. I also have one more thing to add-
i noticed for me, it is kind of sad, but I don't feel as concerned about catching other STDs. I feel like i already have herpes what else can really happen? I know this is awful because i can still contract other STDs, but i know herpes is not curable yet. The others mostly are and I also have HPV… i found out recently. However, I had those abnormal cells burnt off through a procedure and I should be clear. In that case I see myself as well I already have 2 STDs… what else really can stand in my way!? :) ;) I don't know if others feel this way?
-
cc123, I just disclosed for the first time to my current boyfriend and it ended well :) You can read my story on another thread, it may help or may not. I feel your anxiety- just remember it is something you are doing because you respect yourself and him so very much. it is all very positive and there is no wrong part about it because you are being honest and truthful and if he doesn't respect that about you then he may not be an honest person himself or want an honest relationship. in this case, herpes helps us weed away others who cannot deal with the very new vulnerable sides to us herpes folks :) I wish you the very best. Just know it is normal to feel extremely emotional you are NOT alone! I cried so hard after i disclosed because it was the "waiting" period. I cried so hard i hyperventilated, had a horrible stomachache, felt nauseous, and a pounding headache. I called my friend and her mom was in town they were staying in a hotel and she told me if i really can't be alone i can come sleep with them in their hotel! I felt awful because that was her moms time with her but I had no one else and no where to go and I couldn't breathe. The next day he accepted me over text and then when we hung out it was the most intimate wed been (emotionally). this is why i want you to feel strong and more excited than anything about what may come of this!! good luck! you are amazing !
-
hi Sab123,
I can imagine your frustration with the situation you are in. Although I do not have active outbreaks- haven't in a couple years since the initial.. don't want to jinx it! ;), I have felt that way with keeping myself from acting sexual. Before I disclosed to my current boyfriend, I did not touch his private AT ALL. i felt awful, since i allowed him to touch me knowing that is not a way to pass anything on and I could do that pre-disclosure safely. I kept feeling like all I do is give him blue balls and lead him on and he must think I'm not interested. When I did tell him eventually, he did understand why I was the way I was with him. You are through the hard part, which is knowing if he is going to accept your herpes or not. You are in a good place because it really sounds like he respects you very much and thinks you are very worth any risk to him. He is willing to wait because he obviously cares about you as a person way more than having a lot of sex with you. I am sure he is anxious to have sex because… aren't we all?! ;) and because he cares for you a lot. But, if he is willing to wait AND accepts you I think you found yourself an amazing man. I think you should just try hard to find peace in all of this considering you are being hard on yourself. I know this is tough, because I am struggling with the fact that even POST disclosure it is still a very lonely lonely place. I still feel that the people who don't know i have herpes don't really understand my relationship with my boyfriend because they don't know the deepness and seriousness of him accepting something so different about me. I think it says a lot the way someone responds and reacts to a herpes disclosure. Do you have type 1 or 2? I think that you should still have him wear condoms because of the small percentage of a risk. I have type 1 which leaves me at about a 1% chance to spread it to him, but on top of it, I am also on birth control but id be terrified at risking getting pregnant. My boyfriend wanted to have sex right away and now all of the sudden brought up no condom but I pretty much told him i don't think that is a good idea. I don't think I'm ready to not use a condom, but maybe eventually. I think it is important to be honest with your boyfriend about how you feel and if you feel ready then definitely try again. I think he wants you to feel comfortable to feel ready on your own without any pressure from him. I hope I could help! I know it is lonely, I still feel alone in it, but we are all in this together! Even the men in our life are now involved in HERPES!!! :) ;)
-
I had posted about three weeks ago, about my new boyfriend and my disclosure. I was very lucky to have found a special person to accept me for who I am and find me worth the small risk of herpes. We are still dating and going strong. It is tough considering he travels for work and is gone half or more than half the time. About one week after disclosing, we were in the heat of the moment and he had looked at me and said- can i get a condom? and i stopped and said, "are you sure you are ok with this?" He said "I am." this was shocking considering he said he wanted to take things slow. I also was excited because I felt ready now that I know I am with a guy who is committed, respectful and accepting of me. We had sex (protected) condom and birth control and I felt very comfortable and not worried. We have only had sex a few times because of his work travel. Just this past night, he is in town for the week and we were in heat of moment again. We got to the point of where I asked him, "should we put something on?" and he said … aren't you on the pill? and i was like… well yes, but do you really think thats a good idea? and he just looked into my eyes but was quiet and didn't say yes or no. btw we didn't end up having sex unprotected.. we just fooled around but with no condom. I am concerned that he doesnt realize the risk at all? or I was also at the same time extremely in awe at how much herpes doesnt phase him. I am confused at him being so cool about this so fast and he is the most genuine guy toward me. I am wondering if anyone else has had this experience and if it seems like he really is just really ok with everything and willing to accept that risk? (i am not very comfortable because of pregnancy risk.. btw) because if he is ok with no protection and assumes the risk then that is his risk to take. Just want some support and comments :)
-
good news update! That text from him came when i posted around 3 pm. Tonight, just now at 10:30 he texted me saying: "i like falling asleep and waking up next to you. im not ready to be intimate with you, but im also not ready to give you up :) so if its ok with you... well just take it slow and see what happens?" I could not be happier.. it seems he is obviously accepting this and does not want to lose what we have. I am so excited to conitnue with him and see what happens. I understand the not being intimate part because he probably still needs to process everything that I told him.. i dont blame him.. i would be hesitant too. I hope within time we grow even closer and he is ready and doesnt change his mind or anything. I feel like it is finally my time to be happy- I feel this one time herpes came through for me showed me an amazing guy who I strongly deserve his love.. and not only that- it is making us move slower which is what i wanted with or without herpes i was not ready to have sex with him yet. THANK YOU HERPES! :)
-
thank you so much, that did help to hear your story. Yesterday I came home and cried so hard all day I felt dizzy, lightheaded and could not breathe. I am very worried because he was unavailable to hang out yesterday and today he just texted me : "I just wanted to let you know that I am pretty broken over this. Im not avoiding you, Im just thinking things through." and that freaks me out because I knew this would affect him. I feel like it will affect anyone and I am not sure how to handle this because i do like him so much. I am feeling so sad and worried now and i took on the victim mentality all day yesterday, which i have not done in almost a year.
-
ok i did it. I just disclosed to him this morning about a couple hours ago. I am not sure how to take his reaction. He was very engaged and listened to everything and when i asked if he had questions he said not at this time. He pulled me closer and kissed me very passionately after I told him. He said to me i shouldn't worry about what I just told him, but when i asked does that mean he isn't worried? He said he isn't sure yet how he feels. Although overall he acted very positively and even asked me to shower with him (he was getting ready to go somewhere he had planned). I am just feeling very vulnerable now and emotional, because the ball is in his court. I told him that this is something he needs to feel comfortable with and he doesn't need to know now but that it is up to him. I am feeling like he accepted it and that it will be ok. However, it isn't right now, he still didn't say yes. And he did tell me he was very appreciative of me telling him about it. I also chose to tell him after a conversation he brought up last week about having sex and after him telling me today first how he is having emotional lulls after a kind of recent ex. I know we both were just very vulnerable with each other and maybe we need to process this all happening?
-
Hi, I have not been on this forum in quite a while because I have finally come to terms with my herpes about a year ago and this site only reminded me of my rough beginning with it. I do miss you all!
I have revealed a while back that my name is Alexa- and I have other posts if some of you are new and don't know my story. I recently just graduated from college and instead of moving home i followed my dream to move to LA! I have been here a few months and I plan to establish residency to go to grad school eventually for psychology.
I have been going through a lot during college with boys and having low self esteem and worth, but I am working through that and have met an amazing person through a friend's friends. I have been seeing this new guy for only a month and we DTRed (defined the relationship) he considers us dating and when i asked if he is my boyfriend he said isnt that the same thing? so i have a new boyfriend :)
Unfortunately this meant that already i had to reject him when he tried to go down on me. I have herpes type one on my genitals and i feel i mostly have to only avoid receiving oral sex... which sucks :( but i just lie to the guy and tell them i don't like it if they ask me why. this guy is extremely respectful and when i tried to go down on him he wouldn't let me and said it wasn't fair that he can't so i shouldn't be able to! i knew i had a problem on my hands... :) in a good way.
Now he is talking to me about furthering our relationship and wants to be intimate and have sex with me. so far he knows i value sex very highly and wait to have it. I thought about it and i want him to know the real me. i want him to understand why im waiting and who i really am and what ive had to deal with. I think i would have such guilt if i had sex or did something and didn't tell him.
my herpes type is a more rare kind in that it sheds less and i also have not had an outbreak since the initial which was 2 and a half years ago! my doctor told me i don't even have to tell anyone, but i disagree. Also, she claims protected sex is my most safest activity! I want to explain this to him and i am also worried i may lose him tonight. I sure hope he really accepts this about me because it really isnt a big deal. I have disclosed to a guy before but he was a hook up who turned to a friend and it was different telling him but he accepted it.
I also have had sex with my previous fling and felt so awful about myself because i never disclosed. I cant go through that again when i actually see a future with this guy in that our relationship is actually a real one. I also recently disclosed to my best girl friend because i needed support to talk about it with her in regards to my new boyfriend. I dont even mind talking about it at this point and the word herpes doesn't scare me or make me cry anymore! I think this will go well, but anyone have advice? im really also just looking for support and validation that this is a smart decision.
-
I have not visited this site in quite a while- during that time I have felt and thought much less about my genital type one herpes. Although visiting this site helps, it also reminded me of my hsv. However, I am back and have a scenario where I would like some opinions. I will sum up the details, but I have disclosed in my past to a guy who I was casually seeing for a year (never had intercourse sex or oral)- but wanted to empower myself by telling him. He reacted amazingly, but it wasnt long after that he disappeared. That is ok, but I did it for myself. Now, I am seeing this different guy who is extremely amazing and we have a very strong connection beyond any causal guy or fling I have had in college. Unfortunately he is from a different state than me and we are graduating college in four months so an official relationship status is on the rocks for now. We are still seeing each other and have hooked up a couple times. We were drunk and I do not know why I did, but allowed him to go down on me. I tried to stop him, but it was in the moment and I felt so guilty about it that i felt symptoms of an outbreak that next week of which i suppressed with some valtrex. I have no had an outbreak since my initial which was now 1 year and a half ago (lucky me), but i have had a couple scares due to severe stress. I was thinking about it and what I have is technically the same as cold sores just on a different location. I would not expect him to tell me "hey i have cold sores so if i kiss you or go down on you be careful." so why is it that us unlucky hsv 1 genital people have to reveal ourselves if we take preventative measures. I have disclosed before and am now the kind of person who feels it is very important, but do I really have to tell this guy? We are not in an official relationship so I do not plan to have sex with him and even if we did it would be protected. I don't want to let him go down on me too much more because of the guilt- or do you think if I just take valtrex when I know we are going to hook up? I am on the fence about this- I am not sure what to do this time. It is difficult since this guy knows almost everything about me- and before herpes ate me up inside with the other guy and with him for some reason I see past it as it doesn't affect my life as much as time has gone on. I have no physical reminders much ever and emotionally I am completely over my giver and have moved on so much since then- herpes does not define me as a person and I think before it still felt like a HUGE part of who I was.
-
Harlow! I am a 21 year old female and har genital HSV 1. I would love a buddy too, I am currently finishing school in Arizona but will be returning to michigan this summer once I graduate. Doesn't matter to me we could talk through here - I have had this or a year and a half and constantly go up ad down with my emotions I recently disclosed to someone not a relationship but am now struggling with the emotional rejection I now face. Would love to chat.
-
while we are sharing quotes: this is one I wrote on my own just through journaling my thoughts about life:
"Life is all about learning lessons and each time you think you have learned enough or the most you could after a tragedy, you have not. There is so much to learn that each day is a new day and there are new things to constantly be learning and expanding knowledge. Life can seem very unfair at times, it can even seem that it is falling apart, but there are brighter days and a bright future ahead because within each moment comes the next and that much can change in that little amount of time."
- do not ever be "complete" with your journey especially relating with herpes because there is a reason it happened to each and every one of us. we may not be ready to accept it or or know the reason yet, and that is ok because life is constantly moving forward and anything can change at any instant. always look ahead- at least try to!
-
one problem I notice I am having- I felt very empowered and still do- which was my point, but now I am extremely emotional I just came home and cried hard to myself. I miss him- and now that I was very vulnerable towards him it is even harder that he is no longer around and that we aren't in a relationship. I know I dont and didnt expect that, but giving him that information was very special and a big deal to me and it was almost as if I had "sex" and gave myself to him. I feel more attached to him on a deeper level and its hard because even though he seemed to accept me- I dont know how he feels now or doubt he feels as deeply about me as I do. It is making me really sad :(
-
I am a girl- I do notice I refer to it as "my giver." I think that it is a little of both- given to me and that I caught it. Obviously, as Adrial has brought to my attention, it is not just the person with H's responsibility to disclose, but the other party as well to ask. STDs are things we do not think will happen to US- they are horrible and only happen to "nasty people." However, now that I have it, I obviously do not think that way anymore AT ALL. I do think my giver GAVE it to me because he did not warn me or give me that knowledge. On the other hand, he claims he didn't know and denied he had it- and I know it is very likely he could be an unlucky carrier who has never had symptoms or an outbreak and did not know to even inform me if he wanted to. From that point of view, I do blame myself for that one drunken night because I did not think that my "fun" could lead to a life-changing (in both positive and negative ways) virus. I think it depends on the situation one is in- and also regarding if one has the victim mentality.
-
thank you! I wanted to update that I disclosed to him just hours ago this morning. I started out by saying so you still are wondering about that question you had? (the one about why he cant go down on me) and he goes yes and I said ok I will explain to you then- and you also said you would never judge me about anything and I appreciate that and have something to tell you. I have herpes. and his first reaction was oh shit but in a calm tone then because I was nervous I giggled. but I just said to him you can ask me anything about it. I explained how I have type 1 and how its more rare and less likely to spread. Also how I have wanted to tell him a couple times before but didn't because we never got serious but felt that if we are going to keep hooking up he should know. He said thank you so much for telling me. He also asked how it happened and I said he probably doesn't want details but that I got it from the guy I saw before him- not thru intercourse. I was sitting on top of him and he was leaned back and ask I was explaining it he got closer to my face and that made me feel normal because he wanted to be nearer to me while I was being really vulnerable. I told him how everything we have done has been very safe and that if I ever feel anything I just take medicine., etc. He kissed me after and I was just like are you ok with this? and he said yes I am just glad you told me. And I felt good! Only thing is I asked if he gets cold sores and he said never which is unfortunate because if he did he could go down on me ;) Also, I think this made me a tad sad since now he knows something so personal and private about me and still we aren't serious. But on the other hand, I feel almost like I defeated my giver because I told another guy and he accepted it. That makes me feel like my giver did not completely destroy me.
-
this is kind of strange. but I do not believe in coincidences- I am choosing to "hopefully still follow thru with it" disclose to this guy friday which is the first night of the herpes seminar in NC.... the night he happens to be visiting is this very friday- hmmm !
.jpg)
New (almost boyfriend) waiting for disclosure time!
in The herpes talk: disclosing
Posted
Hi all of you! I have not been on this forum in a very long time so for those who don't remember me- my name is Alexa. I got herpes type 1 (genitally) at age 19 May 2011 in college from a guy going down on me. I am now 23 its been about 4 years and I have not had any outbreaks since my initial! I may never get one again.. but we won't jinx it right?! ;) It took me a little over a full year to really find myself again - and get over the hate and contempt I had for my "giver." I have had nothing but success with herpes and feel very fortunate to have been involved with guys who did not mind and good friends and family who are open to hearing about me share my story and feelings. herpes is still herpes and while I am feeling great about myself it is still always scary to open up to a new guy whether or not he's amazing and respectful!
A short story of my current situation: I am dating a new guy since a month and a half ago. I don't think I've ever experienced this type of good treatment before or security. This is a guy who takes me on dates that involve beach, dinner, hikes, etc. In all of a month and a half's time he has ONLY kissed me... and I have only slept at his house twice because we went out drinking with his friends. even those two times we cuddled and kissed and his hands didn't even try to touch me!!! I don't want to bring up herpes yet, because I have always believed it not to be necessary until I am close to being in a relationship, in a relationship and literally ready to have SEX. I never let guys go down on me... and when a guy wants to finger me I let him without disclosing because its his hands...and that is impossible to pass that way. I am not necessarily scared to disclose when the time is right.. because we HAVE NOT HOOKED UP YET!! haha but I just want some support on it again since its been about 8-9 months since my last relationship where I disclosed and was serious. I am also here to help and give support. I received an email from Adrial today saying I have not been on in a while. That was crazy because I was just thinking this past week of the fact that my guy is basically my boyfriend and hooking up and sex and disclosing has to be coming up soon enough. I needed Adrial and he knew it! ;) and all of you. Thanks again and I will be sharing something on another discussion too.