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@breathe123, thank you so much for your advice and support. I realized I kept stopping myself out of fear but also because my gut knew it just wasn't the right moment. I wanted to update you on a new and beautiful disclosure that happened with him last night completely unplanned. Also my preface is that I have hsv type 1 genitally. I went over to watch a movie and of course we ended up making out instead. He tried again to go down and I was like no stay up here... and he asked why and I just said cuz. No reason I just don't want you to. So he let it go. I proceeded to taking off his clothes so I could touch him and give him head which he said it's been months and was embarrassed but he came in 2 seconds lmfao! After that we kinda just kissed and talked a ton and he was asking me random questions to kinda learn more about me and the first one was about going down on me...I was like ugh ok next question. And after a while he kept coming back to it cuz he was like I'm sooo curious.. I wanna understand you. After that I said ok you realllyyyy wanna know?? And then I explained it and he didn't ask too many questions- I said how are you feeling cuz I know it's not something everyone's comfortable with and if you're not that's ok. He said no I'm not running. I was like I really like you so of course I'd be disappointed but it's up to you too. And he said I really like you to it's totally fine with me. So then after a while of kissing he randomly goes don't worry about what you told me... I'm HERE. Then it kinda went from there he thanked me for being honest said I didn't have to be but he really appreciates it. Basically we're hanging again this weekend he's eager to have sex now I was like I'm freee!! Now we can have sex whenever haha and then I told him I do want to soon but not that moment. (Obvi I wanna make sure he's exclusive even tho I don't have many concerns lol) and now he understands why I wait to be sexual and I think he respects that I only have sex with people I am very into and plan to have a relationship with. Now the real fun begins!! Thanks herpes for yet again being a blessing for me and my intimacy :)

@breathe123 I'm so glad to hear how that worked out in your favor so well!! I think it's so important to wait and really follow your gut on when is truly the right moment. I'm also so happy for you that it worked out with your ex and he accepted you I know that feeling and it's the most amazing feeling ever! I just started seeing a new guy about 2 weeks ago and we have hung out 4 times. He is super genuine but it's starting to get to that point where I know sex is going to be on the table within another couple weeks or so. I have slept next to him cuddled and made out but we have not hooked up yet. He said he could tell I'm nervous and that I should trust him but will move as slow as I need. I have kept that slow thing going now but I can tell he's getting very very curious why I'm so uncomfortable to do anything yet and won't let him eat me out. I am dying on the inside to disclose but I'm not ready yet because I have found in the past it's best to allow that guy to get to know you fully before sharing. I think it's only fair to each of us to take it slow and really see our compatibility before I let him all the way in. I'm starting to feel really vulnerable tho in the negative sense because I do want to touch him but I've been stopping myself. How do you think is best to navigate this? This is the part where I start to feel worried. :(

Hi, I also have genital HSV1 and like you, got in in college my sophomore year when I was 19. I have to say that it took me just over a year to stop crying about it whenever I'd think about it or talk about it. I even had trouble seeing black escalades driving by because that was the car he drove (who gave it to me). Over time, it did get easier I actually disclosed to only one guy in college who I was hooking up with for a long time casually (not sex) and we were also friends. We never had a relationship, and it was actually long after we stopped hooking up that I told him about me. It felt like practice because I knew we werent even together so there was not much of a rejection because he was very supportive and just fine with it. Since then I am now 25 and have had a few boyfriends that weren't long term or serious, but sex came up and each of them accepted me. I found that if you are very nonchalant about the conversation they will take it as wow this girl is very confident and doesn't feel ashamed... maybe it isn't a big deal! That is your hope, although you still cannot control how others are going to respond. I have found that some people tell me oh you don't even need to disclose, but I would feel way too guilty not doing that. I haven't had another outbreak sine the initial back in 2011, nor do I feel I'd pass it on very easily... since I have avoided oral sex (on myself) ever since. Even with all that, I am still very scared each time I need to disclose because personally one is coming up with this new guy I am seeing. I have very similar experience as you and I can understand how you may be feeling.

just read through this discussion thread. I am in the same boat right now- just met a pretty special guy (which I don't say often) and we have gone out 3 times / talking for a few weeks. He is very genuine and he took the words out of my mouth and says he'll go as slow as I want and need (probably because I was holding back) I had the talk with him the other night it came up that I wait to have sex until I am in a commitment and he was very ok with that. I think that is my "meta" talk Adrial is talking about. I am feeling good, but very uneasy because I know it's going to have to come up.. "here we go again." sigh... and he is pretty great I don't want to lose him. The past two guys i disclosed to have not accepted me and it was pretty rough. However, I have had only positive experiences disclosing in the past aside from those 2. I just wanted to chime in that I know how you are feeling this is not easy... it does not get easier each time... but we have no choice when we want to have these intimate relationships and honesty is so important! I feel for you... and I am in the same boat. Let me know your story when you decide to :)

I know the feeling you are going through exactly because I have felt it too several times, I try to accept that these feelings are inevitable because H is the cards we got dealt and if we want to be honest and disclose there is no way around it. I also just met a guy last week who asked if I have an std and I was honest. He called me the other day to let me know what he's been thinking and he needs a few days to process and decide what he's comfortable with. I'm currently in the waiting period... how hard cuz he could go either way. This is especially hard because the only reason at this point that he wouldn't want to continue dating is because of H. Which kills me.. Especially sucky is that every guy I've ever been with has accepted me so this brings back old shame feelings :( I've been doing ok tho. My advice to you is to disclose with genuine authentic confidence. The more you act nonchalant, matter of fact and frank about it the more he'll see oh it isn't a huge deal to her so maybe it is not so bad. This is advice from Adrial :) it has helped me believe that I too don't think it's a big deal. Make sure to say herpes out loud so it is very direct and no questions are left unanswered. I'd name the risks for him and share your story if he wants to hear it. Let him know how he has the right to feel any way he wants and that you respect his feelings. Also I think it helps to assure them they can ask you anything at any time and to encourage an open dialogue. I wish you luck and hope you have a successful story as well as me!!! Will be finding out in a few days..

Thank you I will look out for it! I am aware of that which is why it really sucks to have to disclose but I have found that I only feel right doing it. I'm hoping he realizes that because it's so unlikely that he'd get it!! Also I am 25 and he's 29 so we're to 30s

Hi all! My name is Alexa and I have had an account on here since my initial outbreak of herpes type 1 on gentials. It has now been 5.5 years since that initial and ONLY EVER outbreak. I have been doing really well as it does not affect my daily life in any way. I have had a few boyfriends since then where disclosing has never been an issue. I usually wait a month or so until being physical and intimate and disclosing when I feel the guy has gotten to know me well. I met a new guy last week and we had instant chemistry and an instant emotional connection and comfort with one another. I usually wait a while to be Intimiate but I took the risk and allowed myself to be naked with him in bed. We fooled around but did not have sex as I like to disclose before doing that. He tried hard to go down on me last night and I told him no and when he asked why I replied with "just cuz" - he kept asking why and then said do you have an std? I had to be honest in that moment and felt fine doing so but wanted to wait longer. He was immediately supportive and right away got seran wrap to go down on me! I was so nervous cuz I told him it's been 5.5 years since I've been eaten out. It almost felt scary and funny. Anyway, he seemed fine but was a tad quiet after. I asked what was on his mind and he said he is thinking about what I just told him. I am now in the waiting game with if he is going to keep dating me or reject me soon. Just worried and nervous because I really like him so far and want it to continue. Just looking for encouragement and support! I know it's up to the partner if they want to take that tiny risk it poses, but it's still hard to imagine that one small thing could end our amazing start to something.

Ok thank you. And yes I'm well aware it's a separate test which is what I said to him.. That it's a separate test did you have that too and he said yes.

I kinda would rather use a legitimate condom to be most safe. He has been tested for herpes and all stds and said he doesn't have anything. Also was tested as recent as 3 months ago. He said he has never had a cold sore on his mouth before either and I believe him. I want to be safe as I do have type 1 and wouldn't want to chance anything and I know he wouldn't either.

Thank you so much for your support and relating. I wanted to update that we had sex for the first time the other day protected (condom and bc) and he's very open in asking me about it which i love. It was very good, but also he agreed that if i get female condoms he'd give me oral sex which i havnt experienced since i first got H 5 years ago! so I'm very excited... do you recommend or know of a good female condom to use for that? I have found FC2 online and dont know if you've heard of that or know if its good?

wow thank you for telling me that because i think sometimes i need support for his father's issues. I don't know much yet because his dad lives on the other coast and he has only told me so much. We are still a new relationship and while he opens up he is slowly. I think you are right and when i called him to talk about it more before he left for thanksgiving to see him... he was so overly concerned with his dad- and said the furthest thing from his mind would be to run from me. I worry about him- for him. lol It is hard because his dad has that and his mom is a budding alcoholic- (divorced) and he is an only child. I think you are right that those issues are almost way bigger and engrained into his life that herpes is the last of his worries.

thank you all for your immediate support :) It is always comforting to come on here- even after years and know that I still recognize your user names and still can count on your responses. Unfortunately since I felt all of my anxiety and victim mentality today- i did not eat, felt nauseous, and uneasy. I called him tonight just to check in and see where his head is at. He said nothing has changed between him and I and that he really likes me, loves my company and that its just something well have to deal with. Also, he has not really thought about it a ton and is still processing because he has family things going on now- (his dad has schizophrenia) and he is about to fly back home to visit and things have resurfaced for him he says. He seems way more concerned about that right now then my herpes, which isn't so bad... i guess ;) But to hear his reassurance helps... I will be strong and be ok after a few days... but I get through this. When he's back.. we can then have time again and I will feel even better.

I have been a part of this site for about 4.5 years now. My name is Alexa and for those who are new I can summarize my story. I received HSV type 1 genitally 4.5 years ago and have not had another outbreak since that initial- (may 2011) i was 19 at the time and now I'm 24. I struggled for about a year and a half and ever since herpes has not been a big part of my life or identity. I do honestly feel it is a blessing in disguise for me and I have embraced it as it is with me forever (until a cure). I have had nothing but good reactions with the exes i have disclosed to. I expected nothing less from the new guy i am seeing now and I was right. However, although he accepts me and we have yet to now have intercourse (with a condom) I always return to this vulnerable place. Even though I am confident and do feel i always do the right and authentic thing by disclosing... i get very vulnerable in the time after i disclose until i see them again. I have now started feeling insecure .. what if he changes his mind? what if it soaks into his mind and he thinks ugh actually never mind I don't want to take that risk. I know if that is ever the case i cannot change that. But, I get worried. I am pretty sure everything is fine. but i am all vulnerable and just want some support.

Also I showed him the video above and he said it's totally true! Haha

I just wanted to update you all on what is going on with my boyfriend. Since disclosing everything went back to normal. He seemed to be a tad quiet the every next day but also we spent that day together so I just have him his quiet. I noticed that very next week he started finally touching me we both fooled around and then finally last week he out of the blue after a night out tried to have sex with me- no condom and never even asked if I'm on birth control! I guess he didn't really have anymore concerns after my disclosure?! I am on birth control btw .. And would never let a guy finish in me. He is clean himself so I'm not too worried if he's ok with it. The only problem is he doesn't stay hard and it's a bummer so far but we are definitely getting closer and things feel really nice with him. If after several weeks w doesn't stay hard and we still don't have a fully finished sex session I may have to say something?

I re read my comment and sorry I meant I AM VERY anxious to have sex with him.. Lol and thank you that video cracked me up this morning as I was rolling out of bed :)

and I left out the reason he didn't try to have sex with me or try intimacy was because he felt that i didn't want to. he sensed it (not herpes but me pulling back) because he said every time he kinda tried he felt stopping or pulling back. and he thought maybe i was prude or just to let me go at my own pace. i definitely clarified that one ;)

thank you so much you guys! i wanted to update on here. i chose to finally disclose on saturday night. we were out at a bar and ended up unexpectedly talking about how we met and the feelings we both had which was a vulnerable topic we havnt discussed. I thought wow the universe is setting me right up to disclose with a PRE vulnerable topic ;) when we got home we were both getting ready for bed. we started kissing and i brought up how much i like him. when i then said i really want to be intimate with you he agreed but as it got more heated i had to stop again... and said first tho there is something id like to discuss with you before we do. and i asked him if he has ever had cold sores? he said no and i said well i sometimes get them just down there. i went on to tell him about both types because he didn't even know. he did say he has been tested recently and was negative for all stds and i did say herpes is separate test he said yes i know it is i got that too and I'm negative. so i didn't want to overwhelm him with TMI but i also wanted to plant some herpes info seeds in his head so he isn't misinformed of our safety. when i asked if he's ok with this? he said i really like being with you and i just want to know your limits. I'm really happy he obviously is accepting of it.. but did say he had no condoms at his house and when we got more kissing in he stopped and i asked him whats wrong he said its a lot to process right now. we spent all today together we had plans already... and things are fine i made a joke that i have so many issues (stomach, celiac.. etc.) and he said I'm still with you aren't i?? haha so i think it'll all be ok in time i just am not very anxious to have sex with him. i also always fear the guy will have time to himself and change his mind but i don't think that'll be the case. thanks for all your support. i will update again if anything comes up and certainly after we are finally intimate for the fist time!

Thank you so much! that was extremely helpful. I think what you said is a beautiful approach that i am now eager to take. I am bummed because tonight we hung out and went hiking with his friend and didn't get any time alone and after he had me go home to sleep because he wants to get better (he's been sick all week). i am exploding inside and I am very upset I missed a chance. I am seeing him all weekend starting saturday for a day beach party (can't do it till that night) I may die... ;) jk but honestly I am so bottled up I almost cried on my drive home tonight. I have been a mess all week no appetite and feeling sick to my stomach. I need to let this off my chest and I am ready just still very anxious and nervous. Wish me luck! I am going to do it saturday night no matter what this is getting out!!!

Thanks for your Input. I'm not sure I agree with you about it being some sort of flag because I only see it as strange and uncommon. If he were hiding something like an std I'd be so excited because it would take pressure off me. It's good he's slow my purposes which he doesn't even know yet and there have been a few times we got hot and heavy so I know he's capable and I've seen his package. Haha. I just think this will open the door to talk about intimacy with him and see where his head is at. I see herpes as a chance to kill a lot of birds with one stone where it establishes vulnerability, the sex talk, emotional depth and furthering and deepening a relationship all in one so that's why I think it'll be fine

You really think so? That's what's making this different than any situation I've been in. I'm generally a very sexual person and when I get in relationships I'm used to the guy trying and then making me feel obligated to have sex so fast and also in turn rushing my disclosure. So I love that he's slow and doesn't even make me feel that way! But at the same time it's getting to be enough... And how do you suggest even bringing up this topic? Btw he is very romantic and affectionate in all other aspects... Sorry if tmi but he has touched me down there just doesn't keep it going he stops.

Hi, I think my last posts were deleted in that week there was a problem with the site. My name is Alexa and I am just seeking support right now. I have herpes type one on my genitals.. Diagnosed 4 years ago in May 2011. I am now 23 and 4 years later have still not had another outbreak or even symptoms since my initial outbreak back then. I have disclosed to a few past partners and had only success. I have a new boyfriend now who I have been seeing for 2 months. We made it official two weeks ago and he is the most respectful guy I've ever met. We have only made out in these 2 months and have been naked but don't hook up. It is starting to feel awkward to me that he doesn't even try anything. Although it's a relief it's getting to a point where I need intimacy with him and I know before it happens I need to disclose. I find it odd that me and him don't even talk about sex or sexual related topics which is why I feel awkward finding the right moment to bring up my herpes. I'm thinking I could start off by saying I really like you and I really want to be intimate with you but there is something I want to talk with you about first. Then say it. What are some opinions you have on this? I really want to have sex with him... He has touched me before but for like 2 seconds then stops... Same with me because I don't wanna fully please him before he attempts to please me. We just don't talk about it!! It's killing me! Is he shy or have anxiety or sense me slowing down? I just need to get my disclosure on the table so we can open up this dialogue and have sex!!

Thanks guys that's a good point. I think that I see less of that being a problem because I don't have cold sores on my mouth and while it's so common I was one who never had it and still don't because I have it genitally. So I can see people not having it. But I will be more cautious with that too

Thank you! I appreciate your advice and support! I do always ask that and let them know it's the same. Unfortunately no guy I have disclosed to has cold sores which bums me out ... Ha you know how I mean that. I hope this guy has them or knows about it. I know he's a great guy but I do know doesn't always mean tht accept stds. I just hope all this time has gotten to know me emotionally Puts the herpes into a category of MEANS NOTHING! It may not happen for a while still seeing we are moving slowly but when it does I will definitely post and let you know how it went!

Recently I had a last straw with a guy who did not respect me or treat me with love or kindness. I knew I needed to do more than just work on myself through thinking about things I am not happy with and came across the book the secret. I already did know about it, but needed to install it into my life and continue using it forever. I suggest those of you who have no watched it or need a refresher go watch it on netflix! It is very inspirational even if it is not for you. I just assume most of you are believers in those things if you are seeking help with something as personal and private as herpes on the internet. The law of attraction is very helpful to get you to manifest your desires and create your own reality. It has literally happened for me and I wanted to share because I can see how this can help for herpes too. My biggest desire of all is having a healthy and happy relationship. I wrote down things I am grateful for and different scenes that I imagined being my dream dates and things I wanted my future boyfriend to say to me, places he'd take me, and specific things wed do together. A long story short I literally manifested my current guy... immediately I noticed we went on dates that were word for word what I had wrote and meditated with and feeluized myself. The beach date (hand in hand on beach my sunset was my hope and vision), ocean views (were on hiking date we went on), wine date (i wrote wed be sipping wine talking about our past date) and the biggest of all... that id meet his friends and they would be named sam and ricky. Literally on our 4th date or so at dinner he invited me to a party and said it was his friend sam's birthday. I almost died!!! I am sharing this because if you are feeling down or not good enough with herpes... just use the law of attraction to manifest what you want. Try to envision and really feel a scenario that you will feel your happiest giddyest self. Maybe that is like mine.. a loving boyfriend or maybe it is just you living your life where herpes isn't a barrier.. i encourage this process because it is just the universe acting as it is supposed to. we have all the control it is in our minds.. our thoughts do create our reality and if you take herpes and really feel and see it as being an amazing thing and a blessing then it will be just that!