redroses

@thisislife I was just diagnosed with type 1 & 2. My partner tested negative for type 2. I explained it all to him and he researched it on his own. His choice was to continue our sex life as we always had- no protection. I had difficulty accepting this because the last thing I want is to put him at risk. I had a lot of support from this site and came to realize that I am not his mother and he is smart enough and strong enough of a man to make his own decisions. I have never had an outbreak. After doing my own research, I found out that 50% of the time a score of less than 3.5 could give a false positive. I hope that is my case and I am going for additional testing to confirm whether or not I have it. I am leaning toward doubting that I do because I was married twice and I don't think either of my husband's had it-they never had an OB either. Mine was found in a routine test by my OBGYN so it was a shock to me. I am not on anti-virals because I am going for more tests and it could affect the results. I had to quiet my mind, get past this condition, learn to accept it and continue with my life. I'm trying to live more in the present and not worry about the future. Hope my experience helps.

Just to let you know, I was successful in shutting down my brain last night and receptive to a warm, loving evening. Glad that's behind me.

@WCSDancer2010 I am forever posting that on my facebook page. Now, I can only live it every day. I have gotten better, but not far enough.

Thanks for sharing this. I needed to hear these words: "I pray that anyone who has herpes does not allow the stigma to dictate their happiness." Struggling with this right now.

@whitedaisies : you are soooooo right- "You can't control this and that's why you are struggling."

I'm trying to control my anxiety. But it's hard- I'm a control freak & think im everyones mother. I know I need to back off & let him be the strong, smart man he is. As he always says, " you can be so mean to yourself." The thought is in the back of my head, whst of he gets it 6 months or a year from now? Will he be angry at me? Will he be able to accept it- that it was his decision to continue as we always did. I'm alwsys projecting & I have to stop it. Can't wait to get my other blood work back tomorrow- maybe l'll feel better if its negative. If not, it's on to the western blot & more waiting. Thanks for all your positive thoughts and good advice.

@forgivenessandpeace, I would feel terrible if I gave this to him.

@wcsdancer2010, I think my Drs were just the opposite. They made it sound like a really big deal. I felt I was doomed. I think that's why I'm reluctant to go to bed with him. I'm so afraid l'll give it to him. I guess what bothers me the most is that 2 of them both said, "oh your partner has it too, for sure." And he doesn't. I mailed my Drs the information & told them about this site as you suggested.

I have the valtrex prescription, but Westover didn't want me to use now. Not sure why- maybe it would affect the test results on the blot???? I still have no symptoms. Went to OBGYN last week and she said my anxiety is taking over- she saw nothing. The other day, I went to Quest for another blood test. I should have the results by Tuesday at the latest. This is a different lab than the first test. I was reading that results vary from lab to lab and since I've had problems with lab results from the first lab before for different things, I thought it wouldn't hurt to have the test redone.

@victoriaxxx, I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago and it has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. For me the downs were lasting longer than the ups. First off, I just got a job too. I thought my life was finally coming together because I also have a wonderful man in my life and although the relationship was rocky at first, we worked through things and now are on solid ground. We've been together for a year and a half. Then Bam! the diagnosis. He got tested too and we heard this week that he's negative. That was a HUGE blow to me and I am having difficulty getting past that. He said it doesn't matter and things between us will not change. I guess it's my own insecurities that are popping up because that's how it was when we first starting dating. All the problems I thought we had were really my problems. I had a troubled childhood- came from a very dysfunctional, violent, untrustworthy family. Even though he tried to reassure me that things would not change I was very depressed this week. Then I saw what it was doing to our relationship, so I tried things to make me feel better- especially in front of him. I cried a lot when I was alone and even in front of him. He's my best friend and the only one who knows that I'm type 2 positive. I'm hoping it's a false positive because my number was low, but this waiting for more tests is very upsetting and unnerving. I do have valium, but I try to take it as infrequently as I can to take the edge off. This week It's been dark and dreary out. I felt I reached a new low. So I tried putting on all the lights on in the house and lit some nice smelling candles. Then I had a glass of wine. It worked wonders for me. Not that I wasn't depressed anymore, but it did relax me and lift my spirit a bit when he came over for dinner. Then I just passed out in the recliner. Too much stress for me and my body needed to relax. Today, even though it was cold and windy, I took a ride to Montauk (I live in N Y and in case you're not familar with the area, Montauk is the end of Long Island. I just drove there, did some shopping, and drove back. I thought I would be exhausted, but instead I was energized and had one of the best days so far. I start my new job Monday and I'm hoping that will help take my mind off things. My suggestion is to find something that makes you happy or that you enjoy. It may be something as simple as leaving the lights on or burning a nice candle. Whatever you think will help lift your spirits. There's always this site for you to post when you need support. But I think the most important thing to remember is to listen to your body; if you need to veg out, just do it and take care of yourself. Take each day as it comes.

For those of you who read my other posts, you know that I was positive for type 1 and 2, but my partner was negative for type 2. My number was low so I was told that there's a chance of it being a false positive. I have to go out of state for the blot test, so that won't happen immediatley as it needs to be arranged by Westover. Today I went to another lab for another test. I'll have the results in a few days. My partner said it doesn't make a difference to him. Although he read up on all this and was initially a little concerned, as the days went by he became more comfortable with it, I think. We've been together for a year and a half and he said we've been very sexually active all that time and he didn't get it. He wants to continue to have sex as we've always done, but I'm afraid to and don't want to put him at risk. My Dr gave me the prescription for Valtrx, but Westover doesn't want me to take it until I'm tested again. I've never had signs of an OB and don't have a clue as to where I got this from. I was in a long term marriage and my boyfriend is the first man I've had a sexual relationship with since my husband passed away. All I can think of is this may be from my younger single days, if it is indeed positive. Any suggestions on handling this?

@Anonemess, please don't sell yourself short. I have just realized what I truely wonderful man I have in my life for the past year and a half. I just found out I tested positive for type 1 and 2; he was tested and we just found out that he's negative for type 2. We had a long talk about all this and his attitude is we'll stay together. He made it clear that he's not going anywhere. Since my score was low, there's a chance I might have a false positive and I want to be re-tested with the blot test to be sure. He said he doesn't see the reason; nothing will change between us. Let's just get on with our life together. Plus this man was with me when I got my breast cancer diagnosis a few months back. He's really been my rock, although I didn't realize how much until now. I don't think there's anything special about me; except I'm me and that's one-of-a-kind. We're all special in our own way; sometimes it just takes someone else to see it and love us for it. There are good men out there. You'll find the one perfect for you.

@Yadira , how long have you been together? Just curious because you said you don't use condoms anymore. I'm positive for type 2 and my partner isn't. We just got his results today and I got mine last week. Also, what do you mean "let your body build up antibodies"? I thought if we tested positive it meant we have antibodies because we have the virus.

Westover Heights is arranging it with a Quest lab. Haven't heard back from them yet. Did you have that test?

My boyfriend just called- he's positive for type 1 and negative for type 2. Guess I'm going to NJ for additional testing. This is really upsetting, but that's life. Got to learn to roll with the punches. I'll know if he's had a change of heart now.

@WCSDancer2010 that sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you and the medical professionals. I am mailing my Drs. the info today. I have an appt in December for a sonogram to follow-up on some fibroids, so it will be interesting to see what they say, if anything. But I'm not holding my breath. I'd be happy if they use the info on the next person. I'm hoping by then, I'll have a confirming diagnosis. I think I'll be OK either way. I've made peace with myself and all this. I think having a supportive partner has helped, although the thought is always in the back of my mind that things could change in an instant; then I think if we can get through this we can get through anything; and then I go back to thinking there's always the chance he might feel differently. But then I think, but isn't that LIFE? There are just no guarantees. So stop obsessing and enjoy!

@forgivenessandpeace these are your feelings and you are entitled to feel that way. I see this as a loss for all of us going through this: a loss of our life as we knew it. I think we go through the grief stages whenever we have to deal with this type of blow and we need to work through each step until we come to acceptance and hope: 1. shock and denial; 2. pain and guilt; 3. anger; 4. depression and loneliness; 5. adjusting and working through; 6. acceptance and hope. When my husband passed away, I found it wasn't a linear path as there were times I was making progress and advancing to the next stage and other times I regressed and needed to re-work through the stage. It takes time, so try to be kind and patient with yourself. I think being in a group like this is an enormous help and support system. No one here will judge you, so please try not to judge yourself.

@WCSDancer2010 thanks. I also got an article from Westover to share with them. I was mailing it to them because there's more than 1 Dr in this OBGYN practice and I've seen 2 of them already. I think they need to know how to give "responsible results" to people IF they are going to give these tests. Whether my final diagnosis is positive or negative, they need to give their patients all the current info that's out there- it's their responsibility to do so. I've learned to be my own best advocate since my husband had brain cancer and I was thrown into a situation where I had to research his condition to make the best possible medical decisions for him. How did I know what the surgeon was telling me was accurate? I never had to do this before. So, I researched everything that night I came home from the hospital before they did any surgery or treatment. They only kept him comfortable and brought down the swelling until I weighed the options. When I got my diagnosis I was up til 3 AM researching the condition. I found this wonderful site and Westover's. That's how I found out about false positives. If I had not read it, I wouldn't have known that was a possibility. We have to be our own best advocate and not be afraid to offend these Drs. It's our life.

@PositivelyBeautiful and @lasko, thanks for your beautifully written response. I think we need to always remember to be kind to ourselves. Funny, when some things came up in the past not related to this, my boyfriend used to say to me, "You know, your're very mean to yourself." I'll have to remind him about this and tell him I'm not beating myself up over this. Life is too short.

@inka , thanks. Nice to know someone has the same mindset. I guess I've mellowed with age.

@riverstyx you are so right. Mine was 2.8 and I did my own research and found out exactly what you stated. When I saw my Dr yesterday and told her this, she knew nothing about it or the western blot. She even asked me if it was a scam. NY does not allow the test or blood to be shipped, so I have to go to New Jersey or Connecticut. We are waiting for my boyfriend's test results because if his are low too, we'll go together, order the test and make one trip. In the meantime, one good thing came from yesterday's trip to the Dr. She said it's not unusual for people newly diagnosed to make themselves paranoid especially if they've never had symptoms and she spent time with both of us answering our questions. I also spoke with Westover Heights, they will be ordering the tests for us, and they pretty much said the same thing about paranoia. It really doesn't take much to set mine off as I'm a control freak to begin with. Did you get the Western Blog to confirm your diagnosis?

I was recently diagnosed with 1 & 2. My boyfriend of over a year, said he's surprised I'm not angry. He's waiting for his test results. I explained to him that I am very upset and this was a shock. Neither one of us has any symptoms and mine was found when I agreed to have my OBGYN do the screening for STDs. Since there's a rise in them, they ask everytime I go and this time for some reason I said yes. I've since learned by doing my own research that if your score is below 3.5 there's a 50% chance it could be a false positive, so I will be retested with the blot test. If his is low too, we'll get it done together because we have to go out of town for it- our state does not allow the test/blood sample to be shipped out of state. He thinks I should be very angry, even at him because there's a possibility I got it from him. After his divorce a few years back, his recent risk factor (within the past 10 years) would be more than mine. He's the first man I've slept with since my husband passed away, but I could have gotten it from my husband and I was no angel when I was younger and dating. We're both in our 60's so we're not kids. Maybe if I were younger and had my entire life ahead of me, I'd be angry. But I had a great marriage and children. While I'm extremely upset at this diagnosis to the point of being shocked, I don't feel anger now- at this diagnosis or him. I'm upset and dissapointed and kept feeling this was a dream- I guess that was denial on my part. Then I was depressed and cried for days. It was like I was just going through the motions each day and not feeling much of anything except sadness. I felt I was in a very dark place. I also felt that this has changed my entire life just knowing I have it, but I don't feel anger. If he's negative, I would feel terrible putting him at risk. I asked if he's negative would be angry at me? He said no. He's in this for the long haul and loves me very much. We've been through so much together as I just completed my breast cancer treatment and he's had family difficulties and needed my emotional support. We're always been there for each other. We had a short breakup a few months back, but got back together again. I explained to him that if he's positive there is no way of knowing how long either of us had it or who gave it to whom. So how can I be angry at him?

Saw Dr yesterday and she saw nothing. She said I'm making myself paranoid now that I was diagnosed, but again said at this point if I've never had an OB it's unlikely that I will. My boyfriend was taking all this well until I thought I had an OB and then he went online to research it; then he was a little upset. But he came with me to the Dr. and she spoke with us and answered all his questions. He seems fine with all this again and was as affectionate as ever last night. He also said at this point he doesn't need to hear his test results; he's in it for the long haul and it won't change anything as far as our relationship goes. Now, we're just waiting for his results. If he has a low score, we'll both be retested with the blot test. Another week to go!

@WCSDancer2010 thanks; you always seem to know that right things to say. My Dr said something similar- she said you've made it thru cancer, this is nothing compared to that. Funny, even though I know this is not life threatening, I think I'm taking it worse than my cancer diagnosis. I will call first thing tomorrow.

Got my diagnosis the other day. Never had an OB (Hope that stands for outbreak; I'm new here and that seems to fit when I see it used by others) and it was found during a routine screening for STD's because my OBGYN offers it and said everyone should get it done if there's the slightest chance you may have been exposed. Of course it was a shock to me. Both my boyfriend and I were married for 30 years, but he's had several relationships since then and a one night stand. He's the first one I've been in a relationship with since my husband passed away. So I researched it an luckily found this site. Then read that if you had numbers below 3.5 there's a chance of false positive, so I was planning on getting the blot test for confirmation. I was waiting for my boyfriend to get his results and if his was low too we planned on going together for the blot since we have to go out of state to get it. Since that day, I've been paranoid to say the least, thinking and rethinking every little ailment I had and revisiting each episode for possible missed clues that I did have an OB but never knew it. Then I think, could that really be possible? But apparently from everything I've read symptoms can be so minor that they are missed or attributed to something else and some have no OBs at all. My OBGYN said if I never had an OB, it's unlikely I'd get one by now- thinking I might have gotten this years ago, but who knows? Well, wouldn't you know it today I felt itchy and feel like I have blisters. I took a look see, but it was hard to tell, but I think I have blisters. Do I have an OB or am I paranoid? Def will see Dr as soon as I can get an appointment while I still feel this way. My boyfriend and I broke up briefly in May-June and got back together in July. That would bring us to the 4 month mark. So, I asked him today if he slept with any of the women he met and dated a few times while we were not together. I told him it would not effect on our relationship- we've been together over a year- and have been through a lot together. He was there for me when I had breast cancer. I explained I just needed to know to make sense of all this and that I needed to put it to rest. I'm upset that I suspect I am having an OB. He said no, he did not sleep with anyone- had a few dates and only kissed- no oral sex or touching. Was kind of hoping he said yes, he did sleep with someone, as strange as that may sound because at least I'd have some answers. But now, I'm right back where I started with no answers- but except with a possible OB after maybe all these years. From what I read this does happen, but it just seems like too much of a coincidence to me. I know they say stress can bring on OB, but in the past 5 years I went through 3 years of my husband's terminal illness being his caregiver, losing my job, having breast cancer, financial stress and trying to sell my house. If that didn't bring on an OB, I don't know what can. Except maybe the diagnosis????? Guess I'll have answers after I go back to my OBGYN and let them have a look. For now, I can't tell you how upset I am. But I guess anyone on this site can relate to what I'm feeling now.