So it's a rainy dreary day and I'm having a "why not me?" kinda day. Must be the weather. I'm not one for posting but I do creep along in the forum discussions. I'm having one of down days and just need to get my thoughts and feelings out somehow; and what better place. So i'm just about to the year mark where me and my ex split up and i'm reflecting on the year. Sure i've done some good things and got out there more but not exactly what I wanted to accomplish. My ex seems to have it all; new girlfriend, new job, moved in with his girlfriend and they are just blissfully happy and moving right along, next will be marriage and babies. It seems like i'm lagging behind, how was he able to move on so quickly and find someone else with herpes to boot. It's like he found her and that was it. How come I can't find the same happiness? Lord knows I want it bad enough. I'm jealous, angry, sad, but yet at the same time i'm not envious of her b/c I know the kind of guy he is. I'm ready to date, but not ready to disclose, so i've fallen into that trap of only looking for guys also with (h). It seems like everything worked out for the best for the ex and just the opposite for me and I'm still stuck in that "just broken up" stage and can't move on. It sucks. We also have a child so we're always connected, and he rubs it in my face that he's moved on. It's a sad spot to be in when you feel like you'll be lonely and all by yourself for the rest of your life. Sounds drastic but I guess that's just where i'm at right now, looking long term and not in the now. They say that good things come to those who wait, well i've waited....and waited. I'm just bummed that all the stars aligned for the ex and are just all spread out and all over the place for me. I don't want to be a single mom while he's playing house with the new girlfriend and I don't want to be lonely. boo me. There's alot going on here, there's the resentment at the ex for moving on and settling down, there's the feeling of being left-behind and left-out, and there's the feeling of a new woman moving in on my "mom" territory (nails come out for that one). Just a whole lotta bad on that side of things. It's hard to find things to be thankful for;I have a great child, I have a job, a place to live, clothes, food, family, friends......I know that's a lot to be thankful for but I'm having a hard time to "see" that right now. I even want to cry, and I can feel it, but no tears come...a good cry would be nice. Pink said it best in her song "Blow me One Last Kiss"...."i've had a shit day|. Something's gotta give, really though, it's just gotta.