lostgirlx

Thank you for replying :) that really helped. yes I do think I have a bad habit of choosing abusive men I think.. Haha well yes I'm just going to focus on myself and stay away from men for a while. Hmm how has h made you less willing to settle?

Okay first I want to say this isn't really a positive post and I'm sorry I just need advice. So my h wasn't bothering me that much (the stigma and confidence wise) and I had a great understanding bf that accepted me for it. Well we ended up breaking up. (When I told him I had it he said he didn't care and it was his choice and said if it ended up not working out he wouldn't hold it against me) anyways. He started saying he was going to blast my secret and tell EVERYONE I had it. then he told my best friend he was going to get tested and if they came back positive he would defintely tell everyone. I also had another ex that threatened this. And another one that said mean things to me about it. I'm just scared now. I'm scared of everyone knowing and I'm also just scared to date again (it definitely won't be for a long time) because I have to tell the person this and I hate having it used against me or being put down or judged for it. I feel like avoiding guys.. I always think telling someone is the scariest part and it's a relief when they accept it. But then this has happened with every single guy idk if I'm choosing the wrong guy. I know it's a life long std but I feel like it doesn't do any damage to my health just my emotions if that makes sense. And that a lot of people don't even get tested for it and ya sorry if I'm rambling.

I will keep that in mind

Oh nice that's awesome. Medical is a good field. I just want something that I enjoy doing

Hahah ya I'm prepared no shaving no plucking eyebrows.. I will :) And I have ideas I want but some I don't qualify for or may not be open, so I will have to find that out at meps when I should be going either next week or the week after that. I apologize if you said this before but are you currently in? What is your mos?

Thank you WCSDancer2010 I will keep that in mind. And no it doesn't prevent me from any physical things I can usually ignore it most of the time for me personally it feels like a razor cut that lasts a couple days to a week

True lol. And yes I have one here and there but they don't stop me from functioning from working

Thanks! I believe you aren't allowed to take meds in basic. My recruiter told me I couldn't even take them right now. I'm not exactly sure though I will have to ask him

UPDATE: for anyone wondering or wanting to join in the future, my waiver got approved! As long as I don't have an ob when I go to the physical I should be good!

Thank you guys for your advice. He now knows and it went better than I thought! It didn't change anything, The only thing he didn't like was I didn't tell him sooner. I feel so lucky. So for anyone reading this I hope you will always be honest and upfront about it beforehand because you don't want to get yourself into this mess. This proves to me that a guy who truly wants you will stay, and I just hope I didn't pass it to him.

I already know how horrible what I did was, and I know he has a right to know and a choice. It was really selfish and I feel bad about it. I'm not going to say my reasons because I know there's no excuse for it. But I really like this guy a lot I feel like I could have something real with him and I know I probably already fucked that up. So, I know I have to tell him, it's the right thing to do. I know there's a good chance he will hurt and pissed off. I'm so scared to tell him, I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to see me again, I just need some help with how do I tell him?? I'm a really shy/quiet person and I'm afraid I'll have a hard time getting the words out, or start crying but I dont want to do that. I was thinking of saying that I need to talk to him about something serious, then say I wasn't honest with him, and tell him Im really sorry, and then I have no idea how to actually say it I even have a hard time saying "herpes" , like do I just come out and say "I have h"? I'm also concerned about the timing, I want to tell him in person, but I imagine when I see him he will driving or taking me somewhere and idk. Please help.

These are lyrics from a rap song, I dont generally listen to rap but I heard this and I wont lie it kind of offended me. It also made me a little mad because i know it isnt true, but i hate how a lot of people (not everyone) without h dont understand and they believe/think of you less. Just wondering how do you guys not let h jokes, or insults, get to you? Do things like this bother you? And if not, how can you take this and turn it into something positive??? "You want Romeo, you’re not worthy, you’re cock thirsty. You’re nasty and probably got Herpes. Sometimes the secret to find, is to stop searching. Try a new formula, cause your last one’s not working."

I dont think anyone deserves to get h! I know how it feels to resent a person who gave it to you, especially if they knew and didnt tell you. But how I look at it is we cant change it (for now, hopefully one day they find a cure) so we just have to accept it and change the way we feel about h. I know it sucks and we all wish we could go back and prevent ourselves from getting it! But anyways, you definetly didnt deserve it, and seeing the best in people is a very good quality in a person in my opinion! Even after they do you wrong. Im sorry that happened to you.

Oh nice! Sorry I just realized you already said that. Well thank you for the advice I think they will approve it hopefully

Okay, thanks! I will and thats really cool. Are you in the military?

Has anyone else had an ex that did this? My ex got angry with me because I didnt want to see him. And then he started started insulting me saying "herpes infested whore" and im a "walking disease" i tried to not let this get to me because I know he only said those things out of anger. But the thing that upsets me is I trusted him, and he tried using my flaw against me which makes me look at him like Im glad it didnt work out with a person like that, I feel like i dodged a bullet from HIM. Anyways, im scared hes going to go around telling everyone i have it, and he knows people i know. But if that happens the only thing i can say is fuck it, ya I have it. But I would hate that a lot. And be soo embarrased. Any thoughts?

Thank you guys!! I feel better about it now

I had to get a letter from my doctor and my recruiter is sending it up to meps or something. I asked what happens after he sends it and he just said "They will either approve or disapprove to physical." That brought tears to my eyes to think they might disqualify me for something that doesnt affect me seriously. And now Im just worrying a lot. Has anyone been approved or disaproved for this?

Thank you! That response really helps. Ill check those links out

So after I researched about h i felt better finding out it was common. But i feel like its not that common because why do i feel so alone? They say 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 guys have it but i dont feel thats true. Ive heard of one other person i know having it. I keep hoping when i tell a guy he will say "me too" but that never happens. My recruiter has been a recruiter for 11 years, and told me he has never had to deal with this (person with h) before. This just makes me feel more alone. One of the reasons I joined was so i can talk to people who understand because i know im not alone on here. And whenever i see something that says "std free" or being "clean" it makes me almost hate myself for having this. I feel as if guys i tell dont see me the same way which sucks because i want a normal sex life. I know it can be as a filter, but i dont want a serious relationship im so young that i just want to have a fling for now. Is that possible to have a casual sex life with h? I miss how it was before i got it. One last thing, how are you suppose to tell people without making it seem worse than it is, but not like its nothing? I will read more of the forums, so im sorry if i asked things that have already been asked/answered.

I was diagnosed a year ago and I feel a lot better and more accepting now then I did. But I feel like when I tell people they judge me and look down on me and its so embarrasing. I miss how things were before I got it. Because I got in the first relationship since being diagnosed and when I told him he said it didnt bother him but I know it does because hes scared to have sex, like the first time he only put the tip in, im sorry if thats too much information. And the second time he asked for a bj first so it didnt last long and right after he started talking about it. It didnt feel right. I aIready explained everything and im doing everything i can. I take acyclovir daily. just dont want it to be a problem i want to feel normal like I dont have it. I feel like people will even think im gross or im scared they will compare me to a girl who doesnt have it. Also, im joining the military and I told my recruiter, and im not sure if this is why but he was suppose to meet up with me and he flaked and never messaged me. And I feel really weird and embarrassed that he knows my secret. Does nnyone have any advice? Thank you.