Feelingblue

Although I'm trying to be positive really I am.

I know I'm probably not ready to date. But I don't want to lose a great guy over my insecurities. I found out about 8 months ago. I'm trying to make peace. But I do fear I'll never be loved

Thanks all. Yes I told him I have it, but I told him I don't get symptoms. I didn't for a while. I take acyclovir now, so I don't. I did tell him I might take the meds, but he said I was worrying too much, so I haven't brought it up again. I feel to ashamed to tell him if I get obs and to afraid to tell him about the meds because I don't want to bring it up again. I told him I might take them, I suppose that's good enough right? I've told him I'm positive, I don't want to share every detail at this point. I constantly fear passing it on. It doesn't matter how low I'm told the risk is, I think every time will be a problem and I'm waiting for the call where he has it and hates me :(

I don't feel good enough for my boyfriend because I have herpes. Why would anyone especially him want to be with me? Take that risk :(

Hey all. Looking for some help and advice..... I feel like I'm lying my concious is driving me mad. Told my partner that I have hsv2. He still wanted to date me. I also told him I don't get symptoms which was true at the time. However I think the stress of panicking in a new relationship triggered some outbreaks. This was before we were intimate and I didn't tell him about them. I'd told him I had it and we weren't being intimate and it was such a new Relationship I didn't want to share something so personal. Anyway, I told him I might take suppressive meds and he seemed to think I was making too much a big deal. But it's the right thing for me. So I started the meds, but never told him, because he brushes the conversation off and I know it makes him a bit uncomfortable me bringing it up all the time. So I also had a breakthrough ob during my period, so naturally we weren't being intimate anyway, so I didn't tell him, we weren't having sex and I was too embarrassed it's only been 3 months. So opinions..... He knows I have it, I told him I might take meds. How much detail do I really need to go into, tell him when I have an ob, which is infrequent (of course I'd never have sex with him) and do I have to tell him I decided to take the meds? I don't want to keep bringing it up and putting stress on a new relationship. I hope one day I'll feel comfortable enough to tell him if I have an ob, but right now it's too new.

Oh ok, I get spots on my bum sometimes, but I'm pretty sure they are just spots. My partner knows I have h, but I'm panicking about the first time I have to tell him I have symptoms. I told him I don't get them, which generally is true, I take suppressive therapy. But I know the time will come. But I don't really know how I'll have to approach it. Im wondering if I really need to in the beginning part of the relationship. He knows I have it, he knows I have meds. I could just avoid sex if/when it happens. Going into the detail of when I have symptoms seems a bit personal.

How do you know if they're just spots or h? Especially on the bum. I think everything is h, but on the other hand I'm certain it's not

Ok thank you. But for you after stopping the second time, you have some improvement from before you took it. That's good. Thank you

Hi all, has anyone stopped suppressive therapy? Where your outbreaks reduced from before you started taking it, or did you go back to square one?

So those of you who have successfully disclosed. How did you tell your partner about your first set of symptoms when you were together and how did they react?

Thank you Elise that really helps. I think it's my fear more than his. I hope I can get over it.

He actually said it a month or so after I disclosed. But he said it when I brought it up and we were talking about it. Not just out of the blue. I guess he wouldn't have said it if I wasn't talking about it. But I don't know if that's any better. I am going to stop bringing it up I think, he knows the risks. No he basically says I'm perfect and what's wrong with me there must be something wrong no one is this perfect. So he doesn't put me down or make me feel like he's doing me a favour. I don't know if I'm taking his comment too seriously or if it was just said in a bad way. Of course he doesn't want it. But guess he's accepted the risk

Well I've told him several times there's still a small risk. I don't think I can make it much clearer. I've told him to put a condom on. He does when I ask. when he doesn't want to I tell him it's his risk. I told him I take suppressive meds, he tells me I'm worrying about it too much. So I'm struggling with my head that I've told him and all of these things are his choices vs the guilt. On one side I don't see how he can be that concerned, but then some comments suggest otherwise. But I don't see what else I can do. It is his decision at the end of the day.

How can you care about someone so much that you don't care unless you're in a long relationship. I don't know maybe I'm just stressing about this too much. I don't know what his reaction would be if he got it. And I keep thinking every time we have sex he ll get it. But the risk is quite low in reality.

Mikarose this is my point really. They don't want it, we get that. No one would want it. I don't think they are being cruel saying they don't want it, no one would. And that's the problem it's our concern and our fears and guilt and I'm not sure how to combat that. They have both obviously made their choice to be with us and what risk to take. I also know that with antivirals the transmission rate is so low only 2% per year without condoms. So maybe we just worry too much?

Well I don't know how he would act if he got it. I know he said it would be a big negative. But let's face it, none of us would want it. I have reminded him again and again of the risk. So I can only assume that he knows and has accepted that. He doesn't bring it up and when I do, says he'd forgotten about it. So I'm not sure it really is that big a deal to him. But I would feel vey guilty if I gave it to him. He doesn't want it, I know that, but I don't know that he'd guilt me. It's my fear, more than how I'm being treated. I really want to say I've told him the risk so now it's on him and not feel the guilt. I have always had sensitive skin down there, prone to little abrasions after sex ect, even when I was negative for h. So if I have an irritated patch I'll fiddle so much that the skin breaks or I rub it off. I'm talking tiny marks not bit cuts. I've had it about 5 months.

So all. I'll start with a success. I have a partner, he got informed, he carried on with the relationship. But I have some fears and I'm wondering how people cope with this. He doesn't always want to use condoms. Yes there is a risk, I've tried to discuss this several times. I can't keep stressing the point. But the risk is low. I also take antivirals. However I am so scared I will give it to him, which he says would be a big negative for us. How do people cope with the fear of passing this on? Also since we've been together, every small mark, but of irritation, little itch I'm convinced is h. This is weekly. I understand that checking myself constantly is irritating the skin and has caused a few splits and sore patches. So constant checking and worrying is making it worse. How do people learn to deal with this fear? I also spoke with an expert, who said if you have an outbreak in an area which is not in contact during normal intercourse, such as inside the bum (sorry) that you are unlikely to pass it on. They said you are not shedding from everywhere when you have an outbreak. Just like kissing someone on the cheek who has a cold sore on their mouth, this is fine. It was also pointed out that doctors would advise against any contact to be cautious. What are people's thoughts on this?

Hello, thank you all. The problem I'm having is I don't know if he's being off or if it's in my head because I'm so worried. I have had to message him first the last couple of weeks to get a reply. And he seems to take a long time to reply. But he does always reply and generally the messages are quite sweet. But maybe you are right, he might just not be that into me because I am messaging first. I think I'm just going to leave him to it. So he can reach out to me if he wants to. Maybe I'm not ready to date again yet X

After all, I have told him, I told him the risk. So if he chooses to act like its nothing and Continues on without wanting to discuss it further what can I do? I did the bravest hardest thing. I would feel insainly guilty, but I know I've told him.

I am assuming he's being distant by messages ect. But then he could just be busy or the initial excitement has died down. I did tell him, and last time I saw him he was still pushing to be physical and he'd had more than a week to think about it. So maybe it is in my head. It's done funny things to me. You're really helping me. I appreciate it. I guess I will have to bring it up again at some point. But maybe I should just let it play out a while.

Yeah, but my friends are saying because he didn't mention it and acted entirely normal when he saw me that he has obviously thought about it and it isn't an issue. I don't know if it's my head wanting to tell him again you do realise there's a risk right? I'm not sure I can accept he's ok with it, if he is. It might all just be in my head. It's frustrating.

I'm a bit concerned to message him at all, because it will be ending it. But the waiting it out is killing me. The fact he never mentioned it at all when we met up, people are telling me he's obviously fine and to leave it at that and carry on. But I'm scared he doesn't fully understand or is being off :(

So I wanted to provide a little update. I heard from the guy, in fact he came to see me. In fact he acted entirely normal and my disclosure wasn't mentioned at all. So I thought maybe he was ok with it. But since then, he hasn't replied to my messages in fact I haven't heard from him at all. I'm hurt. I want closure. I want to message him saying sorry it didn't work out and good luck, just to finish it.

Oh wow, you are an amazing person and I hope I can be as strong as you x

Hehe that made laugh. Do you take suppressive meds?