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Congratulations, I'm really happy for you and wish you all the best with your new relationships! He sounds like a good guy, I hope you guys have a ton of happiness together. And proud of you for doing the right thing!

Hey guys, just wanted to add another successful disclosure story to the pile. I only put "33m" in the title because I feel like there's not quite as many stories from guys on here, and I'd love to help out any of my bros out there who are going through dealing with H, especially if it's your first time "disclosing". I've only been living with the knowledge of H for about a month now. Wow. I can't believe it's only been that long ... feels like it was a year ago that I got that damn test result, but no. Before getting the diagnosis, I had been casually dating two lovely women. One lives out of town and thus it is a really casual (and very sexual) relationship. My disclosure to her went ... well, perfectly. We've had amazing protected sex since then, and plan to again in the future. We like eachother and have a great time together ... but due to proximity, it may never evolve into much more than a casual hook up relationship. The other girl ... we had been on a few dates and slept together once, really hit it off, but she just wasn't in the right place in life to start dating so we parted ways amicably with "Maybe let's try this again in a month or two once things settle down". In that time, I found out I had H ... and then she started to contact me again and say she'd been thinking about me and wanted to get together again. I really like this girl, and I was really elated that she wanted to see me again, despite the fact that I knew this meant I would have to be disclosing to her if things went well (Maybe I should have either way since we'd slept together, but I wasn't sure on that ... since it was only the one time and all). Anyway, long story short, we got together and the spark was so strong between us, by the end of the night we were back at her place getting frisky on the couch. She was really getting into it and asked me if I had a condom ... and I realized that I couldn't let it go any further without having the conversation. So I told her "Yes I do have condoms, but there's something we have to talk about before we can do that..." and I told her what was up. Again I didn't get even half of my "rehearsed" speech out, but I gave her the basics, told her about the reality of H as well as the low down on transmission rates, what things we can and can't do without risk, etc ... and then told her that she should do some of her own research and think about if that's a risk she wants to take with me. She took it very well. Of course her first thought was that we had slept together a few months earlier, unprotected (foolish but we were drunk and it was a late, fun night) and she goes "So I could have it ..." and I replied "Yes, you could. The odds, even unprotected, are fairly low ... but you could. You also could, like me, have had it for years and not know." She then said ... "Well I know I can still kiss you" and she climbed onto me and we had an awesome make out session and really passionate time doing just about everything except having sex. It was wonderful. We went out again since then (for lunch - and I should mention H was not even discussed), and have more plans to see each other again soon, and I believe we will sleep together as the spark and passion between us is strong... and this might even turn into more than casual dating. I really, really like this girl, so we'll see what happens. But regardless of how it turns out with her, I consider this a 100% success. You CAN and SHOULD disclose, friends. Get on Valacyclovir, use condoms, and be honest. Your dating and sex life is NOT OVER!! In fact, so far mine has not really changed at all. Fucking interesting to say that out loud. Who would have thought?!

Well glad I could put a smile on your face @2legit2quit , hope today is better than yesterday for you. :) Thanks again to you and also you @WCSDancer2010 for the good words. I appreciate what you both do around here a lot.

Hugely wonderfully successful disclosure. I gave her about one third of "the talk" I had planned, and she really wasn't concerned. She'd already done some reading about h so I didn't have to go into the "numbers" as I had planned. After I got it out I was like, " look at me, I'm sweating... Obviously I was a little nervous to tell you this." At which point she grabbed me and gave me an awesome kiss. And the rest of the night was just wonderful. Obviously they probably won't all go this smoothly, but I have a really good thing with this girl at the moment, and getting that first one over with and having such a positive reaction .... I just could not have asked for a better night. Thanks again for all the support. I really can't imagine how different my mind set would have been without this site / forum. Within five minutes of watching @adrial 's "intro" video I made the decision that h wasn't going to ruin my life, and two weeks later I'm already living that reality. And thanks again specifically to you @2legit2quit !! Going to sleep with a big smile on my face. Night y'all.

@2legit2quit I really appreciate the support. I'm literally about to head out for the date and it was very cool to see that message. And you know what? Whether she's ok with it or not... I'm a free man with a clean conscience and no regrets. I'll let you know how it goes :)

@2legit2quit , to answer your other questions .. I have not disclosed yet, it's happening this evening. In like 5 hours. I have told one past partner and that's it so far. And no I don't know who I caught it from. I've seen the spread sheet, definitely incorporated that info into the talk I've been practicing in my head ... :)

Thanks again @2Legit2Quit , I've read a lot of @hippyherpy 's posts and actually communicated with him directly for some tips a few days ago. Thanks again!

Ahh I got Ya, well I wish I could say it was below 3.5 (holy shit to now find out it was a false positive would be mind blowing) but it was up around 9.

Thanks for the good words @2legit2quit . I got a blood test (full "10 test std panel") because i have mostly been in a long term relationship for the last seven years and thus haven't been tested in a long time... And it just seemed like the right thing to do now that I've been dating more. I've never had something I'd consider a real "outbreak", but sometimes after I shave I get what I thought was an ingrown hair here or there, looking back they could have been mild obs but I truly NEVER thought they were an std because they only came from shaving. Still not sure honestly. Igg test, negative for hsv-1 positive for hsv-2.

I'm going to be seeing a girl tomorrow or the next day who I've been on about three dates with, and had amazing sex with all night on the last date. We used condoms ALMOST the whole time. Never penetrated without condoms, but definitely rubbed together. I've never had a "real outbreak" that I know of, and had NO CLUE I had H when I was with her. A week after that last encounter I got tested, in part because I wanted to be able to tell her "I'm clean, I just got tested" and maybe not use condoms next time. Well, she's coming back into town (she lives a few hours away), excited to see me (and have sex again), but the conversation will obviously be much different than I had planned! So ... I'm in a pretty good place about it mentally. I've been rehearsing the "talk" and I think I can confidently get most of the facts out in a calm and concise manner. And probably the best thing I have working for me is that although I really like this girl, if she "denies" me it's not going to crush me. No one has that power over me anymore (at the moment any way lol). I'm a great guy, the same guy she was all crazy about last time we were together just with a bit of new knowledge ... and we truly do have some of the best sexual chemistry I've ever experienced ... so it's going to be interesting to see how she takes this "news". Of course I really, really hope that I didn't pass it on to her in our previous encounters. I'm on Valtrex now, and of course now I KNOW, so I'll be extra safe with her moving forward if she still wants to make love. Thanks a lot to all of you in this community. You guys are definitely a big part of the reason that I'm not panicking about this and am feeling confident about it, regardless of the outcome.

First off, so sorry to hear about your situation. But it's never as dire as it seems when you're stuck in the muck. There ARE ways out. You have a good paying job, you need to be stashing away part of your earnings into an account that is in your name only, or even storing cash in a safe deposit box that only you can access. You need your own financial security to give yourself options. Then you need to make a realistic plan. Do you have family that you can stay with temporarily, preferably outside of LA, until you find a new place / job? I would recommend getting out of that town completely and starting fresh. It sounds like you have so much baggage there that it will be near impossible to heal these mental / emotional wounds as long as you're even in the vicinity of your husband. Herpes shouldn't even be something you are worried about at all right now. You're letting it "cripple" you because your life is a mess in every other way. Focus on getting your life back on track, getting away from abusive people / situations, and making yourself and your life (and your child's life) the absolute best it can be. Then you can start thinking about relationships. And at that point you'll realize that the H is not the end of the world. And I'm sorry to hear about your "friend" at work. Sounds like a real jerk, but he probably did you a favor. Getting romantic with someone at work while you are still married to an abusive guy ... probably would have just made things 10x more complicated. Take this advice for what it is: well meaning, but from a complete stranger on the internet. But I'm rooting for you!!

Hey RM, just wanted to say that I found out this morning that I have HSV-2, so everything you're going through ... I can relate. This is my first post here. I am doing my damndest to stay positive (hah, no pun) about this situation but it's tough. I'm a guy, also in my early 30s, and I truly just started to feel like I was hitting my "sexual prime". Dating cute girls has never been so easy! Hah, fuck, how ironic. And I'm pretty sure I didn't get it from one of the couple of recent girls I've been with, they were both too recent to show up on the blood test, which means I most likely got it from a woman I knew very well who I slept with about a year ago. But of course I do get to call up those recent girls and tell them about this. Oh how fun that is going to be. I'm planning on doing it Thursday. I don't know why, but I need just a few days before I can go through with those calls. Ugh. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're so not alone. This is going to sound fucking horrible, but my biggest hope for making those calls is that one of those girls says "I have it too, I should have told you". Then at least it's one less person to worry about possibly having spread it to... and maybe we can even continue on with our relations. Not that I wouldn't be irritated she didn't tell me prior, but at this point it'd be more relieving to hear that. Man that sounds fucked but that's where my head's at. Good luck to you, We'll make it through this shit, I truly do believe in the potential for good things to come from this, although it might take a while to see that silver lining.