Hello Everyone,
I've been scanning this website for about a week now and decided to join for some support. I found out last Wednesday at 3:13 p.m. I tested positive for herpes. When the nurse told me over the phone I wasn't surprised. I kind of new I had it due to the intense muscle aches and burning I had been feeling for the past two months. I have never been a promiscuous person. I honestly took pride in the fact that I could count the number of guys I had been with on one hand, but guess what? It really doesn't matter (clearly). I am in the acceptance mode. My mother is a nurse and I told her the bad news the day I received it. She was sad (I could hear it in her voice and tell from her face when I saw her). My parents are both ministers so that makes it even more awkward. My mom prayed with me and told me my story doesn't end here! It was very comforting. I also talked w/my best friend and she too prayed with me and told me my future is bright. It sounded so great but it didn't heal the ache in my heart. My life-long dream has always been to get married and have children. I've dreamed about this since I was a little girl and suddenly this diagnosis has stolen my dream.
I'm currently talking to a guy who is much younger than I am..I'm 27 and he is 20. I actually didn't even want to date him because he was so young, but he was so persistent. He and I went out on a few dates while he was here for Christmas break and I had so much fun! Honestly, it's the most fun I think I've had in years!!! I'm not sure where the relationship is going to lead, but it breaks my heart to know I have to have this conversation with him if the relationship continues in that direction. I keep thinking why would someone that young risk their whole "20's" for me? It's ridiculous to be honest. I don't plan to tell him anytime soon and I won't be sleeping with him either. I shared the news with my ex-boyfriend of 7 years and he was very sad for me. He's going to get tested in February (he doesn't have insurance right now). He told me he's always loved me and he'd always take me back... As comforting as it is, I feel like i'd be settling if I went back to him (although it does sound convincing some days). I'm not sure how I contracted this but I think I got it when my ex and I were on a break back when I was 23 years old. I remember my lymph nodes (in my groin area) swelling. I went and got tested for HIV and everything else and everything came back negative, but i'm certain they didn't test for herpes. Since then my body has been so weird! It wasn't until a few months ago that the burning started so I decided to get tested for herpes and BOOM...positive :(.
My prayer is that I only have to have this conversation ONE time...I know that sounds ridiculous but that's the start of my hope. I'm so sad right now that I have to go through this but I guess this is life.
I've been on Valtrex for about 6 days and the muscle pain and prickly feeling has not ceased. Does anyone know what else I can do? I also have pressure in my uterus area. I'm not any serious pain but it's quite annoying! I'm so tired of feeling like this. I bought some lysine and plan to start that when it comes in the mail. I've read all of most of yall's posts and I'm very grateful there is a site like this. I don't feel soo alone anymore. I will admit I feel like my world is falling apart...but sometimes things fall apart to fall into place. I've always had an issue accepting love and feeling loved especially since i've suffered from sexual abuse since I was younger. Maybe this will help show me true love...wishful thinking? Maybe...
Love,
A hopeful girl waiting for life to be beautiful again!
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