airmom

thank you.

I have seen therapists. I have been in and out of counselling since I was diagnosed. I have been on every antidepressant. there are other issues that draw me to these men. I was sexually abused as child by a cousin and grandpa. My biological dad walked out and never looked back when I was 10. I was beat up and thrown down stairs by a partner while I was pregnant. Wasn't first time he was abusive but was first at tgat degree so I had abortion. So yes many underlying issues. Many factors in not feeling worthy. my ex husband drove it in that I would never find anyone because of having hsv. after 16 years I began to believe it. Now multiple times a day I chant to myself, "I am worthy, I am beautiful, I will be okay, I will find happiness. I will find someone who loves me. I AM okay" I hope that by doing this multiple times a day I will eventually believe it.

I have same feelings of jealousy.... my friend knows about me. She recently met someone and he told her he has it. Well because of knowing my situation she wasn't freaked out. She asked a lot of questions. Now I have to sit there and listen to how great their sex life is. So mot only do I have sense if jealousy because of her moving away from our relationship to a life with him, but I am also feeling jealous that he found someone who wants him regardless of hsv. I have never told anyone that I had these feelings because I also feel that it is very selfish of me and I am ashamed to feel this way.

I guess I should clarify, it is not hsv to blame for dysfunctional relationship. It is fear of rejection that I stay in these relationships... so boils down to me not hsv :)

I connect better with men not sure why... but not picky. 40/ either sex/ Tampa Florida area

I was 18 dating high school football star. He was leaving for army. We had oral sex and next day his uncle made comment about his cold sore. Well being young and naive I had no clue how my life was about to change. Since finding out 22 yrs ago I have been in dysfunctional and abusive relationships. I believe it is out of fear that no one will ever love me or accept me so when I find someone who is willing to look past hsv I stay with them. I am beginning to learn that I deserve to be happy. Wow it only took 22 yrs....