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I am currently in litigation with my ex. He signed the original decree stating that he would be responsible for "lifetime" treatment and all medical costs related to H (because he failed to disclose for over two+ years, married one, and it was too late then). Well, he has refused to even pay for a single prescription. The attorney asked me to put a dollar value on cashing out the medical. Does anyone have an idea? I mean, I started to offer low, but I have a lot of complications related to H, not just the normal OB. I want to be fair...as well as realistic. I don't feel there is any amount that makes it ok, but I never, ever want to have to ask him for anything again. I just want this to end. Thank you for any suggestions...

I do take L-Lysine daily and multi vitamins. I have HSV2. I have known of my infection since November 2015 when my now ex-husband casually mentioned after years together, that he has HSV1 and HSV2. I had a rough go in the beginning with a couple outbreaks, and then nothing for quite a while. I was kind of in denial then. Then, on Mother's Day 2017, I had a horrific OB with all the symptoms of an initial OB. Since then, I have the same issues every time. I thought it would get better in time, but it seems to get worse each time. The nerve issues are the worst.

Every OB I have is crippling. I run high fevers, get flu-like symptoms, have chronic nerve pain (even between OBs), and the sores are getting larger and more painful each time. I do have additional health problems, including the need for hormone replacement therapy due to a hysterectomy long ago. However, I have not been able to afford to take care of my hormones for some time. I also cannot take suppressive medication because it causes severe headaches and I already suffer from severe, chronic migraines (that I cannot afford to get treated). I do not have health insurance. My ex, the liar that gave me H, agreed in our divorce to pay for any treatment, but refuses to comply. Meanwhile, I am suffering from debilitating outbreaks that are negatively impacting my ability to function. He blew it off saying it is just a minor rash and to suck it up and get over it...but it is not just a rash for me at all. I have a young child, am trying to finish grad school, and am to be getting ready to move. I can barely stand to sit, stand, walk, lay down, anything. I can't eat for fear of having to go to the bathroom and one sore is right on the edge of my anus. I cannot handle this getting worse. Does anyone have similar problems? Does anything help? I am at the end of my rope.

Hello @optimist, I am41, and have been through menopause following a hysterectomy at 27. I have been on HRT for about six or seven years. I just saw my GYN yesterday for the first time since being diagnosed with HSV2. He advised that my hormone pellet therapy would not cause any issues regarding transmission or symptoms. He also said that my recent yeast infection diagnosis that my primary told me to treat with OTC meds, was likely H, as were several UTI symptoms this year. I have only had one minor OB with three small sores(not small pain though). But he freely prescribed suppressive therapy. My husband already has the virus,so transmission is really not a concern for me. However, antivirals certainly reduce the transmission risk. I was also diagnosed with lichen sclerosis yesterday, as if the H and hormone issues aren't enough going on down below. It causes several symptoms that are similar to an OB. I asked about increased dryness due to both issues and he said it is different for individuals, but the dryness shouldn't worsen. In the past, I have used Replens on occasion for dryness. The best thing though for me was PUR natural lube. Not sure if this was any help, but I am new to this :)

Thank you!

Anything in Spokane, WA? Or Coeur d' Alene, ID?

Thank you, @WCSDancer2010! I think he truly believed that he gave it to himself. He said he'd gladly go get tested as soon as he came home next month. He's willing to go to counseling too. He's willing to do anything I need. Thanks to a link from @2Legit2quit, I really made progress today. I appreciate your help as well! I needed this. This group is the best thing that could have happened to me right now. I feel hopeful. You're right about the GYN. Sadly, I still see one in Colorado. I usually go for my hormone implants 3 times a year. He's been my GYN for 15 years so I trust him completely. We are going to Colorado soon. I don't know why I didn't think to make an appointment with him! My Primary doc is internal medicine and doesn't even know. Neither does my endocrinologist, ENT, or neurologist. I didn't tell any of them. I am calling my GYN tomorrow and making an appointment. Thank you for smacking some sense into me! LOL. Plus, he's already been all up in there for numerous things and to remove all my parts. I shouldn't be embarrassed to see him. .

@2Legit2Quit, you are a blessing. To answer your question, we have been together for just over two years. I have known him for ten. We were both married before and went our separate paths until he was home on leave from his job and we met to catch up. We may be apart a lot, but we talk more than all of my other relationships combined. In the very beginning, he had told me he was unavailable emotionally, even though we had sex the night before he went back to Afghanistan. I knew we were meant to be together. He did leave out the fact that he sort of had a girlfriend. They went on vacation (pre planned and paid for prior to us) a month later. He casually mentioned her name later, not realizing he hadn't told me she was going to Jamaica with him. They broke it off in the trip. Soon after, he told me that he wanted to be with me and knew it that night before he left. He has doted on me since. I understood why he didn't mention her, as I would have likely walked away in the beginning. So, I guess I kind of understand why he didn't tell me about this. One thing I have to say is that my husband has the biggest heart I've ever known. He is also EXTREMELY dense. Don't get me wrong, he's not stupid, but he is truly clueless. I am fairly intelligent, and an avid researcher. I look up everything. I have read all about herpes. He just last night read about it and its impact on women. He was twice as apologetic this morning. I know it sounds like he didn't disclose just out of fear (surely a factor), but out of ignorance that he thought he had been protecting me by abstaining when he felt an OB coming on. I believe he really was just uneducated and dense. The feeling of trash is inner talk of mine, likely from past relationships. My ex told me several times that I was trash and my hysterectomy was punishment. He also told me it was probably something I did that caused me to get raped more than once when I was younger. I have lived my entire life overshadowed by shame. This was the absolute cherry on top. You have helped me tremendously. I wish you lived nearby (or maybe you do lol) as I have long needed such amazing people in my life. This is the first moment that I have felt like something good can come of this. Thank you!!!!

@2Legit2Quit, I read your advice to the woman who found her husband's meds. The questions you told her to ask herself about him were very helpful. My husband is an amazing husband and father. I've been married before (more than once), to cheaters and abusers. I felt the same way she does about not being given the choice. The betrayal is a difficult thing to cope with. My first reaction was that I wish he'd cheated instead. I still kind of do. That's likely due to the fact that I do have it....and I am in the midst of my first OB. I think I am doing better and then when he calls, I lose it again. He's overseas 10 months of this year, so we don't really have the ability to go to counseling. He looks more afraid of losing me now than he probably was when he chose not to tell me. Part of me want to tell him it is ok and we are fine...but Te other part is angry and for the first time in our relationship, doubting things. I am going through a great deal of loss in my life, unrelated to this and it is all compounding. I appreciate this group so much, as it has already helped me tremendously.

Thank you, @2Legit2Quit and @optimist, for responding. Is it possible that my husband's cold sores are actually from HSV2? Or does he likely have both? I had the blood tests, he didn't. I am still in shock and embarrassed about this. I know it's not as big of an issue as I feel like at the moment. Someone very close to me contracted HSV2 when I was young and I watched it destroy them. She was never the same at all. It has been my fear since that I would become her some day. So this is truly a nightmare for me emotionally. My husband is a wreck. He just keeps apologizing. I told him to stop because it's not what I need. He asked what I need from him, and I had no response. I guess I need him to listen to my rants and stop acting like he understands how I am feeling because it's different for me than it was for him. He said his initial OB was minor. Mine was debilitating. I have more going on now in my head than I do down below now. The doctor said to just take the meds when I have an OB not all the time. I want it to be suppressed, not just wait for this to happen again and again. I haven't told my other primary Doctor yet. I didn't want it in the list of my medical issues so that I become that woman they look down on. I was treated that way at the hospital lab already, like trash.

Hello. I am not sure where to start. I am happily married to an amazing man. We have been married for just over a year. He works overseas, so our together time is limited. However, we talk daily and have always been open and honest about everything. Or so I thought. He was very up front with me that he had cold sores. He forgot to mention that he had given himself GH by masturbating with his own saliva during an OB. I am assuming this is possible. In November, we went on vacation. Since we had been apart for the past four months, we had pretty passionate, fairly rough sex. I tore pretty bad. It took weeks to heal. When I was feeling better and we were at our home, I approached him and he said he couldn't. I was a bit confused and asked him why we couldn't have sex if he was having an OB, instead of just not kiss? He casually said that the OB was not oral. I went into shock. I started questioning him. He swore he told me. I assure you, he did not. He apologized profusely. He assured me he would be there for me. I would hope he would be there for me since he had potentially given it to me. I had no symptoms. But, I messaged our doctor who called in a blood test. A few days later, I called the hospital and got the results. The girl was very pleasant, until she looked up my test. She told me to call my doctor. I asked again. Very disgusted, she gave me the results...negative HSV1...positive HSV2 and hung up. I was mortified. I had foot surgery the next day and my husband left for work several days later. I couldn't stop obsessing. Months passed. No OB. No signs of anything. However, I have severe hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, several health issues, a great deal of stress, and a toddler at home. It is no wonder that last week, I started feeling unwell. Then suddenly I had a painful sensation in the exact spot that I had torn so bad months before. The next three days were excruciating. The physical pain was worse than I could have ever imagined. I didn't sleep for days. Suddenly, I found myself overwhelmed with past traumas. It is as though the OB triggered something equally as emotionally painful. I couldn't even look at my husband when he called on FaceTime. I scoured the internet for any ideas to relieve the pain. I tried them all with no relief. I felt angry and resentful. The first night had been so bad that I found myself staring at the loaded gun in the closet. Today, I felt a little better. I went to an appointment, hung out with a friend, and picked up my little one from daycare and went shopping. When my husband called, I happily answered. A few minutes into the conversation, I asked him how he dealt with having H so easily. He said that he just accepted it because there was nothing he could do except take care of himself. Suddenly, I unloaded on him with questions. I asked him if he had ever though about how this might impact me. Or if he had given any consideration to the risk of infection. I asked him how he could not know that it was possible to transmit H when he wasn't having an outbreak. I remember that from 8th grade health class. He said that he didn't know. He said he thought he was taking precautions and that, like his cold sores, he would only be contagious during an OB. I found this hard to believe, with him being a medical professional. He said he was ignorant. He apologized for about the two hundredth time. He told me he was there for me. It somehow felt like a slap in the face. He gave me this awful virus and now I was supposed to find comfort in the fact that he would still be there for me? I asked him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. He said he would take any risk and accept any disease I passed on. Yet, he has no idea how bad it is for me. He really doesn't understand. I knew the risks, but had never been given the opportunity to protect myself. Maybe I would still have contracted it...but at least I would have had a choice. Of course, I would not have ended it if he had told me. I love him with all of me. I know he loves me too. I want to get past this. I just feel like he didn't protect me. I feel like he was the one man I was supposed to trust and that he would always keep me safe, but I wasn't safe. The ignorance that he claimed was responsible for the pain I was experiencing. The fear that this was going to be my reality for God knows how long, that is what is crippling me. I am afraid that because I have a lot of stressful things coming up, I will just have one OB after another. I feel like a ticking time bomb. I am sorry for rambling on and on. I tried to condense it. I want to forgive my husband. I want to be understanding. I want to move forward. I want to, but don't know how. He is coming home in a month for three weeks and I don't want to waste our precious time together being upset. I really am trying. I feel very alone. Any advice?