DD1234

@ihaveittoo thanks for the advice! Diet hasn't really changed much, but also haven't had a physical in about 2 years so probably about time.

I'm with the other two on this one: It gets easier every time I tell someone! I got herpes from my ex, and when we broke up I was horrified of going into the world of dating again and having to have "the talk". So I started slow. I told a few friends, and they loved and supported me just the same. In fact, like mentioned above, most of them knew other people that had it, and one of my friends actually had it too. Then I started going on dates and over the course of time, told a few guys I felt potential with about it before things became intimate. They all took it well and appreciated me telling them. Some just wanted to be friends, and some wanted to continue to date and get to know each other better before sex got involved. The more I talked about it with people, especially my close friends, the more freeing it felt. Almost as if letting it out to those I trusted allowed me to let go of any misguided shame or fear I felt. Now, a year and a half later, I barely recognize that I have it (besides the symptoms here and there). I'm realizing the more I love me and how important I am, the less control herpes or anything else has over me. The last guy I dated and told about my herpes was amazing. He wasn't weirded out at all, immediately looked up all the facts and discussed them with me, and was honestly just bummed we'd need to used condoms all the time to keep him safe. Needless to say, he liked me for me and we had pretty amazing sex. Sadly we had to break up due to scheduling issues, but after such a great dating experience I'm looking forward to the future and have so much less fear about telling a future partner. If my friends and these great guys can accept me for me and not care about my herpes, then anyone who does care, doesn't deserve to be with me. So there is definitely hope out there!! There is a world full of people who are in your position, know someone who is, or are just kind and educated enough to realize that no one ever asks for this. It's not who you are, just something you have.

Hey guys and gals! This may be a repeat question, but wondering if I can get some advice. I'm a 35yr old female and have had HSV2 for about 4.5 years now. It seems in the last 2-3 months, I've had WAY more outbreaks than normal (for me). After my first year I never really got any outbreaks except for once or twice a year, and they were pretty mild. Recently, something has been feeling "off" about every other week, with the appearance of either a sore, broken skin, or even what looks like small paper cuts. Also more itching than I'm used to. What gives?? Now, a few back story things: Up until last week I was dating a great guy briefly, who knew about and was completely fine with and accepting of my Herpes (we sadly had to break up due to scheduling issues). He mentioned that his ex had HSV1 (oral). Now, I don't think he was ever tested for HSV1 (He was tested right before we started dating, and his results showed everything except HSV - he showed me the print out so I'm assuming it's not another STD), but we used protection and avoided all contact during any of my issues, and he never had a cold sore or any similar symptoms. I know that isn't a 100% guarantee of anything, and there is still a chance it could be HSV1, but I would assume the possibilities of me getting HSV1 (genitally) are less without symptoms present? Plus, I believe my issues started around the time we met if not slightly before. Second, I've been incredibly stressed over the last few months with work, and I've had some other skin issue flair ups (eczema and random hives patches) that have been out of control as well. Could this all be related? Herpes is basically a skin issue right, so if the rest of my body is going to crap from hormones, life, stress etc, couldn't the herpes symptoms get out of control as well? Over the last week or so my stress has calmed considerably, but I just got another outbreak yesterday. So frustrating. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? If so, any advice on things that might help fix the problem? OH, and I also take one 500mg Valacyclovir tablet daily. Have been for over a year now. :-(

I'm a little late to this, but hope everything went well with the delivery! I'm starting to realize, that as scary as it is to tell someone, what's even scarier is living with yourself if you don't. If someone rejects me based off of this, at least I know I did everything I could to be an honest, up front person. I cared about someone else and their health more than I cared about my pride, public view or whatever. If I can love me for that, then someone else out there will too. And if this guy really loves you, or cares about you enough to see if it turns into love, he will hopefully be understanding enough to know why you were hesitant, and to respect you for saying something before you became more intimate. Good luck!

@optimist and @Katidid thanks again for the insight. Glad to hear the risks of spreading through oral sex are significantly lower. Makes me a happy lady. @Katidid congratulations on moving forward to a different level of intimacy with your husband! I'm assuming since you've been together for so long, that he truly loves you for you, and doubtful is going anywhere. :-) IN an interesting turn of events, one of the guys I though had/was rejecting me just reached out. He apologized for being a bit distant, but said he needed to take the time to process the information I gave him and assess the risk involved. Which I completely understand. He still wants to continue to date and get to know me further. I'll admit it's a bit of a relief! Now we can actually see if there is a chance for a relationship built off of who we are and our personalities, verse it having to do with me being HSV+. We are a bit of time away from becoming intimate with each other, because I want to make sure he is fully aware of ALL the risks, and I honestly don't want it to be something that holds us back sexually. Nor do I want to feel guilty about not giving him the full range of information to make an informed decision if by chance he does get the virus down the road, which hopefully if we take the necessary precautions won't happen. So happy news :-)

Wow! So much amazing advice on here. I can only echo what everyone else has said. The bad days really, really suck. But they don't have to last. I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago when I was dating my ex. Had a complete meltdown, with a lot of fear, lots of tears, hate etc. Who was going to love me? What if we broke up and I never had sex ever again (thank goodness for vibrators!...too soon for comedy? ;-)) But I can tell you those feelings eventually faded away. Hell, most of the time I actually forget I have herpes, until I start to like someone or think about sex. And I consider this progress! It means that I'm getting to a point where it doesn't have to affect my life. I can also relate to you about feelings of being unsupported in the medical community. I remember when I talked to my doctor about it, I was expecting a hug and empathetic words of I'm so sorry for you, but instead she said "slap a bandaid on it" which I found funny, and also slightly disturbing. Possibly this was because my ex was positive too, since he gave me the virus. And then I started thinking....If the medical community acts like it's no big deal, what if that's because it isn't? Yes, it is a big deal to us when we find out, downright devastating actually, but what if doesn't have to be? What if in the grand scheme of life, Herpes really isn't that big of a deal? I think of all the sex-ed classes, and the photos they used to show us as kids to scare us away from sex, and how STDs were portrayed as "horrible" and "dirty" and "bad". And I'm not advocating anyone go out and get an STD, but like everyone else said above, we didn't ask for this. And having Herpes doesn't make us horrible, dirty, or bad. We're still people. We're still human beings that deserve all the happiness and love in the world. I wish I could say to you that things will get 100% better, but just like anything in life, that's not the case. There will still be bad days. I had a pretty bad weekend actually, after some recent rejection, that stirred up feelings of hurt and depression, which is why I decide to join this forum. I CAN say however, that after reading the stories on here, and sharing my own, I'm already starting to feel so much better. It's amazing what a powerful group of like minded people can do. One more thing that might help. I've been doing this recently, and it's been putting things in perspective for me. Statistically 1 in 5 people have the virus right? Well, most places I go now, when I'm thinking about it, I start to count people. I know it sounds silly, but it helps me to get a visual and to imagine that there might be people out there that are probably going through the exact same thing that I am. I even counted people at church today, and I go to a mega-church, so quite possibly a LOT of people at my church may have Herpes! LOL. (Yes, I thought about herpes at church. I never said I was perfect ;-)) Hope this helps, and keep your head up! You seem like you are taking all the right steps to recovery - seeing a therapist and joining this support group. Someone above also mentioned talking to your doctor about temporary anti-depressants, and I think that's a good idea as well if you haven't tried it. A lot of people in my family suffer from severe depression, and medication seems to help them a lot. You sound like a wonderful, smart and beautiful woman, and nothing in this world is worth taking your own life for, especially something that can be managed like herpes. Don't hesitate to keep reaching out!

@optimist and @Katidid thank you both for responding and for your insight. I haven't watched a ton of videos on here yet, so I'll make sure to do that!. @Katidid, I'm encouraged to hear that you guys have unprotected oral sex without any problems (hopefully). Was that difficult for your husband at first, if you don't mind my asking? I personally enjoy a healthy sexual relationship, not that that's all that matters, but it would be tough if that changed significantly due to my future partners fear about contracting the virus (pending that my future mate actually cares about it at all). Condoms don't bother me, and I have no problem using those. I also take a daily preventative medicine, ever since my ex and I broke up, but couldn't tell you the last time I had an outbreak. The first one was the worse, and I've hardly had any after the first year. I've read though that you could still be shedding even without symptoms, so that's still a risk for your partner right? Dating sucks enough already as it is, and it's even worse when you get rejected over something you have no control over. Which goes back to the classic "they're not the right person for you" line, and although it may be true, doesn't make it any easier to digest.

Hi Everyone! I'm new here. I have HSV2 and contracted it from my ex-boyfriend. I've always been an advocate for safe sex, etc, so for the first few months of our relationship we used condoms religiously. When we got to the point of wanting to have unprotected sex, I once again asked if he had been tested, knowing that I had and was STD free at that point. He told me he had, which I later found out was a lie. He didn't end up getting tested after his previous partner because he didn't have any symptoms, so he didn't find it necessary. Needless to say, after 2-3 weeks of unprotected sex, I had an outbreak and it was confirmed by a doctor to be genital herpes. I was heartbroken. I felt lied to and betrayed. He and I talked about it, I cried a lot about it, and decided to stay together, because I honestly don't believe he meant to give me herpes, I just think he was naive enough to assume that STDS and symptoms went hand in hand. Fast forward 3 years, and we've now broken up. I've not had sex with anyone since, mainly because I'm not really into casual sex anymore in my 30's, along with the fact that I'd prefer not to have "the talk" with every Joe Shmoe out there. I have however met two guys over the last 10 months of being single that I felt a really strong connection with, and have told about my herpes once the sex talk has come up, usually a couple weeks or so into dating. Both guys quickly faded away and disappeared after that. I personally don't know if it was due to the herpes talk or not, but it's challenging not to have that thought in your head when everything else is going so great. It sucks. I don't blame them for not wanting to be in a relationship with me, if herpes is the reason, because that definitely affects them too, but I'm having a hard time not stirring up feelings of anger and hate towards my Ex for putting me in this situation moving forward. And yes, it takes two to tango, but I genuinely feel that there was nothing else I could have done differently to avoid getting herpes in a committed loving relationship with someone, besides abstaining from sex altogether. So my question for all of you, is how do you pick yourself up and keep moving on when looking for love? I'm an attractive female with a good heart and a generally optimistic outlook on life, but this is starting to be a struggle for me in terms of finding another meaningful relationship in my life. I'd love to be married one day with kids, and have this whole herpes thing be no big deal, because it shouldn't be. But there is such a stigma against it out there (trust me, I had the same stigma before I contracted the virus), and it makes it difficult to get close to someone. What are your thoughts? How does everyone else deal with this in dating? How to you keep trucking through to find the right person?