surfsup

I have not had sores on my genitals, but I have HSV-2 which 98-99% of the time is on the genitals, and 1-2% of the time can be in/on the mouth. The sickness I had was a week after sex with a new partner and it felt like a really bad strep throat, so I didn't think it was herpes at the time. I am 95% certain now that it was my primary infection. It's just tricky though, because I had no sores on my genitals, and if I had it down there, it's likely I would know because I was so sick with symptoms in my mouth/throat. My worst symptoms were body aches, fever, headaches, and sore tonsils/throat. I took tylenol because the headaches were so bad, but honestly it didn't help. I just rested and waited it out. All together I was sick for around 2 weeks. I was diagnosed a month ago via IgG blood test (do not bother with IgM) and it has been a roller coaster, but I am generally at peace with things now. Honestly, I just try to surround myself with positive information, positive people, and just live my life. I am in a different situation than you as I am a single guy who likes casual sex, so initially I was very concerned about wanting to not pass this onto partners and how do I disclose it. I've been focusing on myself and getting really healthy, so I haven't had sex in the last month, but I am ready to get out there very soon once I finish a few more things :-)

No worries! If you guys have been the only sexual partners you guys have had for 4 years, then I'm guessing he has it. Either that he had it first, and you got it from him, or vice versa. But since it sounds like this is your primary infection, my best guess is that you got it from him. Do you get cold sores on your mouth? That is usually an oral form of Herpes Simplex Virus type 1. And thank you for thinking about me! If you are normally a happy, up-beat person then that is great for you because I think having a positive attitude will really help you move forward through this diagnosis and help you keep your stress levels lower which then in turn helps you have fewer outbreaks.

Oh yeah, food wise. Just try to eat non-processed foods if you can. IE - rice, quinoa, veggies, meats, beans, fruits, etc. As opposed to cookies, cakes, granola bars, sugary cereals, etc. If you feel like crap, soups might help you. Or smoothies might be soothing as well. Garlic and ginger are REALLY good for you, and you can make ginger tea by buying fresh ginger, chop it up into little pieces (peel if you want), and then boil it for 5-10 minutes. If you can't do it without sweetener, a little honey can do the trick.

I do not take any anti-virals for herpes. I hope I never have to. I'm really into natural approaches though, so I am kind of biased :-) When I think I had my primary outbreak, I did not think it was herpes. And 3 months later I have not had any outbreaks, so fingers crossed. Sounds like they gave you the dosage to deal with an outbreak, and then go from there. It's totally your call, but you might want to try and go without daily anti-virals and see how you do. This will help your body build up more natural defenses against the virus, as opposed to relying on the anti-viral drug. Especially if your boyfriend has it, it isn't like it matters about passing it to each other now.

@EmilyLove00 -- ahh, so they made a diagnosis off your symptoms and visually checking you out then? Well, depending on when you contracted it, the proper blood test (IgG) may not show up as positive until up to 12 weeks after catching it. Do you know if they swabbed any of your sores? That is way more accurate if you contracted herpes recently. If you've been with your boyfriend for 4 years, it is possible it took all these years for you to contract it. It really just depends on how often he sheds the virus. And you're right about why doctors do not test for herpes very often. The CDC guidelines are to not test unless there is a suspicion of infection. I guess they figure all these people have it, and it isn't affecting many of them, and they say it can't be cured, so they don't want a lot of people to deal with the baggage of knowing and running to their doctor if they aren't breaking out. It's a loaded situation that people like to debate, but we'll keep the thread focused on you :-) Is this all a surprise to your boyfriend? Does he know for sure if he has herpes? He should be tested if he hasn't, so he can know his situation for 100%. Odds are from what you're telling me, if you do have herpes (which we'll trust the doctors for now, but I hope you don't of course), then it sounds like you got it from him recently. It may have just taken many years for him to spread it. Yes, you'll be ok. You'll want to watch your diet during outbreaks, and if you feel another one coming on. Less sugar, alcohol, fried foods, etc. For some people too many nuts can cause an outbreak. Good sleep and managing stress is your friend as well. Millions and millions of people have herpes and it is unfortunate for sure, but you'll get through it. It's okay to feel shitty though, you have to process things. It's great your boyfriend is so supportive.

@EmilyLove00 -- sorry to hear you're having what sounds like a rough outbreak. How were you diagnosed? Blood test or did they swab the spot on your vagina? Do you know if you have HSV-1 or HSV-2? Basically you have a skin condition that amounts to periodic cold sore(s) on your genitals. It's like getting cold sores on your mouth, except down there. If this is your first outbreak ever, then it is the reason you feel so lousy. The longer you have it, the better your immune system is able to handle it. Whatever type you have, herpes has been around for thousands of years and a huge percentage of the world population has it. The first outbreak is nearly always the worst one, so it should get better from here on out. The challenge with herpes is that a ton of people have it, but not all these people know it. So they can spread it to others extremely easily since they are often not taking precautions to prevent the transmission. I would recommend you read the following guide made by Terri Warren, an US-based herpes expert. It will help educate you on herpes. https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ Not sure of your personal situation, but if you are worried about disclosing to partners, there is LOTS of information on how to do this in a confident, accurate, and positive manner. I can point to several examples of people on here (and other forums) who have genital herpes and they are having anything from casual sex, to standard dating/relationships, and getting married with acceptance from their partners.

I'm not trying to defend your husband withholding information from you, and I have no idea where he is from exactly, but in a lot of foreign lands there is not a stigma against herpes even close to what it is in the West (US/Canada/Australia specifically). The factors you mentioned, combined with he may have never known it was a big deal or something that laid dormant for 20 years, I think could lead to something like this happening. Just wanted to add my personal experience and perspective. Sorry that you have it though. Question one is a good one. I'll leave it to the experts. My guess is if you guys both have the same version of herpes which seems incredibly likely, then you guys are good. Question two is a good question as well. You are asking questions that I do not often see here which is nice :-) As you probably know chicken pox (herpes zoster/varicella virus) is in the same family as herpes simplex, but not the exact same. If you have bad, reoccuring outbreaks then I would suggest anti-virals and/or natural supplements like garlic/echinacea/vit c/vit d/oregano oil/tea tree oil/etc. Good luck. I know getting herpes can feel like it knocks the wind out of you, but know it's temporary.

@optimist That's interesting, maybe he's a veteran :) Or just saw no need to discuss it since it was a no issue. Good for you guys.

@optimist -- just curious, did the HSV-2+ guy have a "sigh of relief" vibe right after you told him? Like he had some anxiety? Or was he like immediately, omg I have that too! Maybe not those words, but you know, the vibe. Just curious the demeanor of someone when that happens. How did things end up with you guys? I was reading on Reddit where a guy disclosed in a casual hookup / friends with benefits situation, and the woman said I have it too, and they proceeded have a month of awesome sex before he left their city.

I was just thinking about disclosure in general and it donned on me, while it may not be the most common thing to happen on probability, if you like someone but are too scared to disclose (for whatever reason), just do it if for no other reason: They may have herpes themselves and it's a huge relief for everyone! Maybe they were too shy to bring it up and it could have gotten in the way of things causing them to fade, or delay them acting on desires (if they exist). I mean herpes is so common, and yes I know many people are asymptomatic and do not know their status, but I think this reasoning stands irregardless. There are a million of other reasons to disclose as well such as they may be fine with it, they may have experience with a partner in the past who had it, it may be a chance to educate them and help lessen the stigma, etc etc etc.

@optimist no worries -- I know it's a tricky one :)

@optimist -- do you know if I am one of the rare cases with Oral HSV-2, does it only shed from my mouth, or does it also shed from my genitals? Not sure if you know my back story, but I am not 100% sure I have it orally, but I think there is a decent chance. Swabbing would confirm, but I haven't had any outbreaks upstairs or down to swab!

@Chithrowaway1142 -- and maybe just ask the person you had sex with if they've had any issues, if you haven't already :)

@Chithrowaway1142 -- yea, pretty sure it would have turned into an outbreak by now if it was herpes. Apparently prodrome symptoms can be aborted and not become outbreaks, but if that was the case I think the tingling would have stopped by now. Just eat well, sleep well, focus on other things, and get the IGG at 2-3 months to get conclusive results.

@optimist -- no worries, and thanks for clarifying!

@Katidid -- That's awesome it hasn't been shed to him in all that time. You guys must have really good immune systems :)

@Katidid -- interesting, thanks for the mention! The thing that confuses me is this. Let's say I have HSV-2 and the outbreaks occur on my butt. With what @optimist said the outbreaks may not occur on my penis or nearby, but the shedding could still occur from anywhere in my boxer short region -- which of course rubs a woman when I have sex. Have you ever had an outbreak on / near your genitals? Or just your buttocks, abdomen, etc.

@Chithrowaway1142 -- with the combination of no sores and the IGM, that is pretty encouraging. IGM tests are not popular here, but it's about all you can go off here. If you had anything, an IGG COULD potentially show something after 3 weeks, but granted it's too early in a lot of cases. I dunno, when I get freaked out about something I start noticing all sorts of weird feelings in my body that I don't normally. This happened like 8 years ago when I thought I got herpes and I 100% was overreacting -- unfortunately now it seems I DO have it, when I wasn't expecting it. Personally if you do not get any changes that start to indicate herpes more than you already think, I would just use protection and not bring anything up. You can't disclose something that you don't know if you have, and you went out of your way to check things out. Also, a large percentage of first outbreaks are noticeable (not all though) so it's great you didn't have some big event.

@optimist -- ugh, that's unfortunate. It's such a broad area and it's almost impossible to have any guarantees, other than abstinence. So many things about this herpes that are out of our control.

@surfsup The author of the article did not use quotes for that sentence, so I suspect it was either a misinterpretation or taken out of context. Perhaps it was in reference to the fact that some people who have HSV2 are asymptomatic and a minority of those who are asymptomatic do *not* shed. This would be a small minority of those infected with HSV2 who do not shed asymptomatically. Most do, and the average for those people is 10% of days per year. So perhaps she misconstrued his assertion that almost everyone with HSV2 sheds virus a significant amount of time (10-20% of days, on average), even if they are asymptomatic. Just a guess. Gotcha. Good catch on the fact it was not him saying those words as a direct quote. Chalk another one up if you read it on the Internet it doesn't mean it's true. What a frustrating article for anyone with HSV-2. :)

So when you have shedding occurring, we know it can happen when we're having symptoms, or sometimes even without noticeable symptoms. My question is, when shedding is happening, is it only happening from the skin location on our body where the breakouts occur? The reason I ask is because for example, if someone has sacral herpes or breakouts on their butt, does it require this area of skin where the breakouts are occurring to touch the other person's skin in an area that is open to receiving the virus? If it's on your butt, no matter of how or why it got there, it is probably not an area that you're going to be rubbing on your partner's genitals. Of course someone could bring their mouth into contact with this area, but let's keep it simple and only talk about genitals :) Does anyone know the answer to this? Do we only shed a particular area that is affected? Maybe this is kind of an obvious answer like duh, yes, only the area where you get breakouts, but you can imagine it can get quite confusing if you have herpes in a slightly less common area.

@optimist -- thanks a lot for the articles and the context on him talking in regards to HIV. Going to read those articles, but wanted to respond before I headed out the door. Those statistics of 10-20% days of shedding without antivirals is more what I have been accustomed to hearing. I was just perplexed to hear him say "practically all the time" regarding people with HSV-2 shedding. Do you know what he is talking about?

https://thehairpin.com/how-i-found-out-i-didnt-have-the-herpes-i-d-been-living-with-for-four-years-5a30c2ac9efc#.islwdmr2d Check out this article. It's not even the reason I am posting this, but I am totally flabbergasted that the author went YEARS thinking she had genital herpes and did disclosures and everything, when she did not have it. All going off a nurses' visual examination of her genitals. I find it hard to believe someone would accept this (in this day and age with medical information massively available on the web) and not get tested to confirm. Anyways, whatever, I just had to mention that because I find it incredibly bizarre. This article is a bit of a kick to the groin for anyone with HSV-2 for sure. It really minimizes HSV-1 and makes HSV-2 into a scary monster if you read into it too much. It also has Dr. Leone and Handsfield (who are national herpes experts in the USA) quoted as saying: "With HSV-2, you not only have frequent symptomatic outbreaks, but you have high rates of the virus being present in the absence of symptoms,” Dr. Handsfield said. In fact, 70 percent of HSV-2 transmissions happen without symptoms, since people with HSV-2 shed practically all the time, said Dr. Leone." Uhhh, have I been missing the boat completely or something, but I was under the impression that shedding without symptoms DOES occur, but certainly not "practically ALL the time"? I feel like those of us with HSV-2 take solace in the fact that the trifecta -- avoiding sex during outbreaks, using condoms, and antivirals -- can reduce the percentage of transmission to a very low number. If I am completely missing something obvious, please let me know, but it seems like what these doctors are saying doesn't jive with the relatively low transmission rates when you're being responsible. Are they just talking about people who have HSV-2 but do not know it and are therefore more of a risk for spreading it? It was also interesting hearing them mention that Genital HSV-1 is on shaky grounds in their minds for requiring mandatory disclosure... ------------------------ "Doctors, including these two experts, strongly agree that people with genital HSV-2 should always disclose, since they’re likely to pass along the infection without symptoms. As for genital HSV-1? That’s less solid ground, because there’s no precise data and it hasn’t been formally studied, Dr. Handsfield said. “You cannot find consensus on this,” Dr. Leone said. “You won’t find clear recommendations. “I’ll be honest with you,” he continued, “I even question whether or not you need to disclose that you have genital HSV-1 to someone. If you’re not having an outbreak [of genital HSV-1], you’re probably not shedding, and you’re not going to be transmitting it to somebody else. And we don’t think that genital-to-genital transmissions are very common, so why are we telling folks to disclose? You may feel obligated and think that ethically, it’s something you should do. I would encourage you to do it if you feel that way. But from a biological standpoint, I’m not really sure we can make any recommendations around your need to disclose.”

@dani -- I'm with ya man. I've had the exact same thoughts about thinking "god, it'd be really convenient if I didn't know, since I am not having outbreaks"... I realize this is not contributing to awareness or tackling the herpes stigma, but I am human and it's ok to have these thoughts! Regarding telling her... I see what you're saying, but if you in fact did get it from her, it isn't like you putting some crazy burden on her. She is an adult and having sex casually. She should know the risks and since it isn't a huge deal, it's just nice for her to know going forward. I dunno, I respect what you're saying about not wanting her to feel what you feel, so you only should do it if it feels right.

@surfsup I understand what you're saying about the unspoken stuff. That was one of my greatest fears, actually. I loved the whole seduction part and I thought disclosing would ruin that, but that really hasn't been the case. It just took some practice to disclose in a way that's consistent with my personality and the type of seduction I'm used to. I can still be crazy and spontaneous, but I have to put some thought into having this conversation first so I can be sure the other person is okay with it (or not). I know that sounds like the opposite of spontaneous. Hard to explain. Yes, how people react can tell you a lot. I've mostly encountered acceptance, but regardless, lots of people really open up in response to disclosure. People share very intimate things about themselves when they feel like it's okay to be vulnerable. It's pretty fascinating. I knew this already to some degree because I worked for many years in a field that required me to meet new people on a daily basis, and I've always been interested in people and hearing their stories, but even I was surprised by how much some people opened up when I disclosed to them. It was really remarkable. Not every time, but maybe half the time. Yeah, I am kind of looking forward to that. The potential for disclosure opening things up and getting people to be as authentic as possible.