PhillyChick

i haven't no. sorry to hear you're experiencing that

i feel you. however i would caution you against assuming all men will react the same way. when i was first diagnosed, i was in a relationship and when i disclosed, i never heard from him again. that made me realize that he wasnt the right person anyway. he had always said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, but then wasnt even mature enough to have a grown up conversation to break up with me? gtfoh i realized right then that having H was an opportunity for me to be much more discerning about who i want to be in a relationship with. plus, i refuse to let this define me. i am just as fabulous with H as I was without it, and YOU ARE TOO! i truly believe that your attitude dictates your circumstances. once i changed my perspective, then my circumstances followed. every single one of my disclosures has been successful. i know it's scary, but dont let something this minor (in the scheme of things) stop you from living your life. we all have way too much to be thankful for to not live in joy! 🤗

i know i'm late to the game here, but why aren't you dating?

how did i miss this thread?? i've been active on this forum for well over a year, basically SCREAMING that i'm an over 40 black woman, and where are the other black folks at LOL anyway, sending love and positive vibes from philly!

@Jenn88 sending you positive vibes 🤗 i know you dont see it now, but herpes is really not a big deal. the biggest part of dealing with herpes is your attitude towards it. you cant change your diagnosis but you can change your perspective on it! you are not dirty, you are not slutty. you are just as fabulous with H, as you were without it. like i tell other women on this forum, OWN your power 💪🏽. we all have way too much to be thankful for in our lives for something as minor as a skin condition to steal our joy.

@bubbles0990 i was diagnosed with HSV2 a little over a year ago. HPV a few months ago. i could have had HPV longer, since it was almost 2 years since my previous gyno exam. i hear what you're saying about the wave of emotions coming back, but try not to stress, since stress can activate HPV and HSV. personally, i dont even put HPV in the same category since HPV often goes away on its on. most of my female friends have been diagnosed with HPV at some point, and with all of them it went away after 4 or 5 years.

@Lilly82 if you were near me, i'd take you out for a drink and be like "seriously girl, calm down!" LOL 🤗 i think you're overthinking it. as women, we tend to read more into things than usual, once sex enters the equation. you said yourself that from the beginning he wasn't the best responder and was slow. he's just being his normal self...it's YOU who have changed. you now have different expectations now that you've had sex with him. i agree with you 100% that if you care about someone, you communicate (even while sick), but you can't hold him to a standard that he never exhibited in the first place. you tacitly approved of his communication style, since you proceeded with him he sounds like a great guy, but you need to let him know what your expectations are, and if it's not in his nature to communicate to your standard, then either you just accept it and don't read anything into his lack of responsiveness, or find someone else. too many men out here to settle! 😊

@Tryingeveryday thanks for your kind words! good luck on your disclosure. you'll do fine! just speak your truth and be confident. keep us posted 👊🏽 🤗

@Lilly82 that's fantastic!!! i am so happy for you!! he sounds like an amazing, caring man. congrats on your successful disclosure. please keep me posted on how things go. i love hearing stories like this! 🤩

IMO, you should practice until you can say it without being emotional. if you feel bad while speaking it, then you're showing that you're embarrassed and you don't feel worthy. especially if you're crying...you're giving him all the signals that say "RUN". maybe try your next disclosure via phone. that way you don't have to look him in the eye. the key is to speak from a position of strength and authenticity. you are just as fabulous with H, as you were without it. OWN your power, girl! 💪🏋️‍♀️🤗

i have both. the HPV has been a non-issue. had a colposcopy at my gyno office and tests confirm it's low grade and nothing to worry about. gyno said it will prolly go away on its own i've been fortunate that my HSV2 has been a non-issue as well. i dont have many outbreaks and all of my disclosures have been successful.

@Lilly82 hi there. yes i have experienced a "double disclosure". it was with the guy i am seeing now. i have a standard script that i use when disclosing (i posted it in my "successful disclosure" post) and all of them have been successful. when using that script, no guy has ever turned me away. it's all in my positive attitude, honesty and confidence. but yes, when i disclosed to my current dude (in person), his eyes lit up and he was like "me too". he got a little emotional, because i could tell that he was probably scared of having to disclose to me at some point. so it's just pure coincidence that i'm dating someone who is HSV2+. having that bond is kinda cool. we even joke about being in the same cootie club LOL whatever you do, please always disclose. it's not right to withhold that information from someone. we all fear rejection, but at least you can feel good that you're doing the right thing. also, how are you actually disclosing? words matter. maybe if you adjust your script, that may help. happy to chat further. feel free to PM me!

@Newme i completely understand how you feel. i've been there! when i was diagnosed, i was in a relationship. when i disclosed to him, he took it well, but then when he tested negative, i never heard from him again. i was heartbroken. in the end though, i realize that things happen for a reason. he wasnt the right guy for me, and we would have broken up at some point anyway. i wasnt ready to date either when i got diagnosed. i went "dark" for a good 3 months. but after that, i was like i will NOT let herpes steal my joy. i have too much going for me and too much to be thankful for to let something so minor (in the scheme of things) get me down. once i changed my perspective, i was totally cool with my diagnosis and things have been so much better. all of my disclosures have been positive. having herpes has forced me to get more serious about who i choose to date and be much more particular. so allow yourself time to grieve. but after that, make a conscious choice to start enjoying life again! feel free to PM me if you want to chat further 🤗

@Anonymous88 everyone is different, but i believe my friend's outbreaks started calming down after a year or so. so you won't have to wait 20 years to get in a relationship or have good sex lol! and who knows, you may meet a guy that is OK with you having herpes, or even better, meet a guy who does have it, so he will understand. and sex at ANY age is awesome. im having better sex in my 40s with herpes than i was in my 20s and 30s when i didnt have it LOL so try not to worry and stress. that will only make things worse. take it one day at a time (easier said then done, i know) 🤗

i totally understand your position. i'm hopeful that what you are experiencing is temporary. one of my friends has had herpes for over 20 years and when he was first diagnosed, he had very painful, frequent outbreaks like what you described. this sounds very "woo woo" but what helped him was his mindset. since stress can trigger outbreaks, he started becoming more in-tune with his body. he started yoga and meditation. over time, after taking better care of his physical and mental health, his outbreaks subsided. he hasnt had one in years. please understand, i am not trying to minimize what you are going through. my heart aches to hear of your struggle. but maybe trying a more holistic approach would help? it definitely helped me and helped my friend. sending you peace and love from philly! 🤗