TeaWithTheQueen

Thank you for sharing this. I am now in that dark place full of despair. I was diagnosed today, although the doctor had no idea if it's HSV-1 or HSV-2. I won't see her and be able to ask questions for another week an a half. I was misdiagnosed nearly two weeks ago and spent more than a week off work, exiled to my home, seeing no one at all except for two doctors and the pharmacist. Being in isolation (with a misdiagnosis while waiting WAY too long for test results to come back) probably has made my feelings of despair even worse. The crying jags. Feeling like the man I've been seeing for two months (who I suspect gave me this without having any idea he has it) will no longer want me. Convincing myself I'll be alone forever. It's all a lot to deal with.

I've been seeing this man for two months. We're a little over an hour apart, so we don't see each other often. Six weekends in two months. We have never used condoms. We both hate them. When this illness crept up on me, he knew that the irritated spot on my lip had been caused by his mustache. We joked about it. My lip was irritated during our last weekend together, and it started to swell and ooze clear liquid a little. The next day, after I left him and was driving home, the fever hit me, my lymph nodes started to hurt, and the day after that my face exploded with what was initially diagnosed as impetigo. I have kept my story of impetigo. I'm not about to tell my entire company, all Facebook friends, real friends, family, business associates, etc., what this really is now that I know. Two days into this mess, when my PCP diagnosed me with impetigo, I let the boyfriend know what it was. His first response was, "Do you need to let the others know?" Meaning others I have slept with. I said, "What are you talking about? I don't have HIV. I don't have to go through a list of previous lovers to warn them." So that upset me when he said this. While talking a few nights ago, he said something about how he sometimes gets irritated places around his mouth after shaving. That made me wonder if he meant cold sores. (I've never had a cold sore in my life. Not even with this first breakout.) He has a mustache and small beard, so if he did have a cold sore it might be difficult to see. Then tonight while texting we were talking about how it would be nice if we didn't have so much distance between us so we could see each other more often. I said there are a few advantages to having a sort-of-long-distance relationship, like we both have time for the other things in our lives -- work, family, friends, chores around the house. He texted, "Do you mean you have time to see other people?" I said, "No, I'm only seeing you." He said, "You didn't get your medical issue from kissing me. I do wonder." Once again, he upset me without having any idea. I did not respond. He half-ass apologized. Said he's tired and that he says things he shouldn't say when he's tired. I've been sitting here all evening, reading posts, and trying to figure out how in the world I might disclose this to him. In a way that he would understand. In a non-accusatory way. Trying to get around the fact that so many people are so uneducated about this illness. Considering the fact that he may or may not realize he already had it. And considering the fact that he probably has no idea that everyone with cold sores has this. And then he says I didn't get it from kissing him. I'm 95% positive I DID get it from him. My breakout happened and he was the only person I had been with for a while. The breakout was FIERCE. I still have not healed (although they've dried up -- just waiting for the redness and rawness to go away). The dermatologist asked how many days it had been since I had seen him until the time of the outbreak. I had seen him the previous weekend (which is when the raw spot on my lip happened and it stayed raw all week), and then I saw him the next weekend. The episode began that Sunday. She said that fit the timeline for him giving it to me and then my face exploding. I've gone from floating on a cloud of happiness thinking I might marry this guy to feeling like I'm in despair and no one will ever want me again, all within the last week. I've gone from loving sex and enjoying it over this last year to thinking I'm about to be slammed back into the jail of celibacy that I was in for a decade. Only this time it will last until I die. He and I may not get to see each other for a few weekends because the holidays are upon us, and because it's winter and it snows here. Weather could hit at any time and keep us off the roads. So I may have plenty of time to think about how I will present this to him. I'd prefer to do it in person. It might be terrible. I might drive home in tears. Or send him away with me in tears. I was really thinking we cared about each other, but I'm beginning to wonder if he is close-minded and will not understand the basic concepts of this condition.

The nurse FINALLY spoke to the doctor about my test results and called me back today (one week after the appointment with the dermatologist/swab test/blood draw). She said it is definitely HSV, but she said they did not test to find out if it is HSV-1 or HSV-2. Shouldn't they have determined this??? I already have a follow-up appointment with a dermatologist scheduled in a little over a week. This nurse said I should gather my questions together and be ready to ask the doctor at that time. I'm already thinking I've learned more right here on this forum than I learned from talking to the previous dermatologist and to this nurse. I still don't see blood test results listed in my medical record online. The phone call from the nurse was based on the swab test results. Along with other questions about how this might change my life, I'll be ready to ask if it's HSV-1 or HSV-2. And I need to ask if they did IgG antibody tests, right? I have no idea if this is something they automatically do when they take blood for testing. I did not know enough at the time the blood was drawn to ask. But I also thought when my PCP tested me for STDs several months ago, she was actually testing for all of them -- then I learned they don't include HSV in those tests, which is ridiculous.

Thank you for responding, HikingGirl! I had a swab test and also blood tests. I suppose I must now be patient until the morning and hope I can get the dermatologist's nurse on the phone.

It's after hours and I checked my medical records online, so I can't call the doctor's office and ask yet. It's 9:00 p.m. and they won't open until 8:00 a.m. Ugh! Last week, the doctor took swabs of the sores on my face and also drew blood. The only results entered right now say the follow (sorry about the odd spacing--that's the way it looks in the record): ===== HSV/VZV Rapid Cult HERPES SIMPLEX/VARICELLA ZOSTER VIRUS RAPID CULT SOURCE : NOT SUPPLIED HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS ** Herpes simplex virus isolated. CRITICAL VALUE REPORT VARICELLA ZOSTER VIRUS Unable to report a result for Varicella zoster virus culture due to the presence of another virus. ===== Is this the swab test or the blood test? Initially, my PCP told me I had impetigo because the sores broke and were then covered with a honey-colored crust. Then the dermatologist scared the hell out of me, shaking her head and saying, "Yeah, no. That's herpes, honey" over and over. Then she said it might be HIV because of how severe the outbreak on my face was, but the HIV test already came back negative. Does "herpes simplex virus isolated" mean I have it? There's no indication whether it's HSV-1 or HSV-2. Does that come in the other test? Thanks! I'm freaking out.

It's Monday. My dermatolgist appointment where she looked at me and said I have HSV was Friday. Today the nurse from the dermatologist's office called to check on me. I told her how the dermatologist said she'd get me some literature and resources to learn more, but I left empty-handed. And how I was sitting in my car, Googling this on my phone while crying, when the dermatologist called back and said, "I don't like how the sores are so diffused on your face. That's something like happens with HIV. You've got to come back so we can do labs." I told the nurse that I left the office in despair, thinking the worst, thinking my life would never be the same, and she apologized. She is checking her computer system throughout the day for my test results and will call me. I did pull up my account on the hospital's patient portal. HIV test was negative. No HSV results are in yet, though, and it's almost 3:00 p.m. They took samples from sores on my face and also took blood. Might still be a few days before they're back, though.

Thanks, people. I came here because I had a vague diagnosis and some tests were being done. The doctor did not give me ANY information except for "There really isn't any difference between the two kinds of HSV," which left me in despair. Came here to read posts and learn as much as possible, and then a disagreement breaks out on my thread. Would have been nice to hear a little reassurance that it was going to be okay either way, or a simple welcome.

Yes, 10 years without sex. I was badly hurt in a divorce. I did not date at all. I concentrated on raising my child, going to grad school, and getting a professional career going so I would never be in a position again for a man to destroy my life by leaving. It is totally possible to live a life without sex.

Sunday morning, talking to the boy friend on the phone, and I mentioned that I hadn't yet unwrapped my face to see about progress. He was surprised that I was wrapping my face. The wounds are SO BAD and the first night I had ooze and blood all over my pillow. So I used non-stick pads and paper tape to wrap up my face and protect them all night. Boyfriend said, "Yeah, sometimes when I shave I'll get a little spot or two that's kind of weird." That was the only mention of anything remotely close to this whole ordeal, and it made me wonder if he might have HSV. I still have not mentioned HSV to him. I'm still calling it by the original diagnosis -- impetigo -- until I know something for sure.

Thanks for the response, HikingGirl! Yes, one step at a time.

Been scrolling through, reading posts on this site for two days now. I'm 42, female, just came out of a decade of celibacy a year ago. Before that, I'd had 2 sex partners and never had a single cold sore or a yeast infection. After coming out of celibacy, I sowed the wild oats I never sowed when I was young. Had 4 partners. But 2 months ago I met a great guy. Crazy about each other. Terrific sex. Best I've ever had. Two weekends ago, his mustache rubbed a tiny spot raw on my lip. I put Neosporin on it. Nothing happened with it until Thursday of that week when it started to swell around the raw spot. Saturday I went to his house and the spot was getting larger. Never looked like a cold sore at all. By Saturday night it was oozing clear liquid. Developed blotchy redness on chin and lower half of my face. Sunday on the hour drive home, I got a fever. Lymph nodes in my neck started to hurt. By Sunday night, the red blotches on my face had turned into hives. I took the entire week off from work while the hives on my face got worse and worse. They'd break open, ooze, and scab over with a honey-colored crust. I looked like cystic acne had covered my face from the nose down (and onto my neck) barely leaving any normal skin to peek through. I also noticed a couple of small spots on my vulva/inner labia area that looked a little raw. I assumed it was "beard burn" from overzealous cunnilingus. No big, open wounds down there. Nothing blistered, oozing, or crusty. Monday, I visited my M.D. Then she said it was impetigo, a highly contagious bacterial skin infection that mostly children get. Never heard of it. Prescribed antibiotic pills and cream. Said if it wasn't better by Wednesday I should come back. Wednesday morning I was worse. She got me an appointment with a dermatologist for Friday. Friday the young dermatologist said, "That's herpes." I said, "No, my doctor said it's impetigo and sent me to you for a follow-up." She got samples from 3 or 4 sores to send for tests. She glanced at my labia but didn't really get in there and get a good look (no samples). I asked, "By herpes, do you mean the cold sore kind like everyone has? Or do you mean the kind where my life is never going to be the same again?" She said, "Your life will be fine. Herpes isn't like what it used to be. It used to be the good kind and the bad kind, but now it's all just herpes." She prescribed Valtrex twice daily, but was wishy-washy on whether I should just take it for a few week or take it forever. She decided on taking it for two weeks. I happened to be seeing this doctor on her last day at this hospital, so she scheduled me for follow-up in 3 weeks with another doctor in her office. She didn't say anything about HSV-1 vs. HSV-2. Didn't give me resources to learn more. Didn't give me any kind of paperwork to leave with other than a prescription. I was stunned. I sat in the parking lot Googling on my phone and crying for 20 minutes, and then she called. She said, "I was just thinking about how your sores are so diffused on your face. That's unusual. That happens sometimes with HIV. You need to come back and go to the lab." I went back inside and they drew blood. I went to get my prescription. My eyes had been extremely sensitive to light for the last few days. I Googled again and saw info about herpes in eyes. I left a message for the doctor. She called back while I was in the store. "Didn't we talk about your eyes? I said, "No. Nothing about my eyes." She said, "Oh. You're going to need to go to the emergency room right away. This could be serious." I said, "My co-pay for the ER is $250. Is there any way I could go to Urgent Care? It's $75. I just can't afford a $250 co-pay." She said she'd see if she could find an alternative. Within minutes, I was on my way to an ophthalmologist. He said I had herpes (Herpes simplex keratitis) in one eye and dendrites. He said to take the Valtrex 3 times a day (instead of the 2 times it was prescribed). So there you have it. Always a good girl, then freak-of-nature celibate girl, and once I rediscover sex and think I'm falling in love with a great guy -- BAM! I feel angry, confused, worthless, lonely, ugly. Everyone still thinks it's impetigo and that's the story I am sticking with. Boyfriend has not seen me at all. Haven't told him the big bad info. I've been home from work the entire week. Sent photos to some friends and to my boss to make sure boss would know I was not playing around and really couldn't come to work. Today I had a meltdown because of the stress of everything, plus all of the Googling and reading, plus wondering if my life will ever be the same, plus the thought of going back to the celibate life is killing me. I love sex. I love this guy. I went from Googling engagement rings to Googling herpes. 1. I have no idea whether it's HSV-1 or HSV-2. I guess I'll find out when the swab tests and blood tests are complete. I still think it's possible that I have an incredibly bad case of impetigo. 2. I don't think I have anything in my genitals. It was like a couple of mini skinned spots. I've done that to myself accidentally when shaving down there. It very well could have been from his beard. 3. I'm not convinced this is HSV in my eye. Five months ago, I was diagnosed with keratitis after removing a contact lens when my eye was super-dry, and it caused irritation. The eye doctor said I needed more lubrication on my eye and I started using drops. Since that time, I've done it again twice -- yanked a lens off when my eye was too dry when I knew I should have used drops before trying. And I had just irritated my eye again a few days before this ophthalmologist looked at me. He didn't do anything to confirm HSV. The dermatologist called and told him I was diagnosed with HSV and I was having light sensitivity. He did an eye exam, and saw dendrites, but wouldn't he have seen that because of my bad habit of removing contacts when my eye was too dry, even if HSV was not a factor in this whole thing? I'm trying my best not to slip back into depression about this. Yesterday was really difficult. Today is Saturday, the day after I saw the dermatologist who diagnosed me just by looking at me, and it's been a very difficult day. I can't tell my parents. They'll be judgmental and tell me I have been sinful and caused this to happen. I can't tell my siblings. I can't tell my friends. I can't even tell my boyfriend. By the time I see him again -- this coming weekend at the very earliest would make it two weeks since the tiny spot that was rubbed raw on my lip by his mustache starting to swell up and ooze, which we joked about and said I had a fat lip. Maybe I will have healed enough to see him by then. Maybe not. For now, I'm taking the medication, keeping the massive wounds on my face covered with antibiotic ointment, walking around the house crying so much that my face is wet not only from the antibiotics but also from constant tears. Now I sit and wait for the test results and then I'll see if my life is going to fall apart. I'm just praying it was a bad case of impetigo and the young dermatologist was too eager to diagnose just by sight. Thanks for reading. And thanks for the great posts here. They're truly helpful.