TeaWithTheQueen

I'm newly diagnosed, but want to follow this one to see what I can learn.

Should I re-disclose to current boyfriend now that I know more details about my HSV-1 status? Here’s the brief background. My initial OB was the end of November. Dermatologist told me that with exposure to a fairly new boyfriend (OB 7 weeks after we first had sex, and 1 week after sex with a rough spot on my lip caused by his mustache), ncubation period, and how severe my OB was (face, vulva, left eye), she was positive current boyfriend was my giver. She said it made sense that H got into my system through the rough spot on my lip, and was so severe because I had never even had a cold sore ever in my life. Yes, I was infected on my face, genitals, and eye all simultaneously. Lucky me. I had a 10-panel STD fest done by an independent lab 11.5 weeks after we first had sex (and 6 weeks after the rough spot on my lip and first OB) because 3 doctors had refused to type the swabs they took and blood they had drawn. All told me some nonsense about how it did not matter if I had type 1 or 2. (Don’t get me started on my rant about physicians spewing incorrect info to patients!) The results of the 10-panel came in last night. I am negative for HSV-2, and my HSV-1 IGG is 5.92. A couple of H friends that I have met online who really know their stuff told me that my HSV-1 IGG of 5.92 means this is NOT a new infection. Current BF and I had been thinking that what the dermatologist said was true — if he was my giver, he already has antibodies built up, so I can’t give it back to him. So we were “matched” as far as not having to worry about further transmission. We have no idea if he has HSV-1 (or 2) because he was never tested. He always assumed standard STD tests included it, just like I — and probably most of us — assumed it was included. This changes things for us. Now I have something new to disclose. “Hey, remember when we thought you must have given me this so there was no risk of me giving it back to you? Well, that little doctor was probably wrong.” Ugh. I hate this. I’ve read a lot of posts that say HSV-1 is no big deal and we shouldn’t freak out about having it. But it is a big deal when you’re newly diagnosed and trying to grasp all of this. And I would imagine it’s a big deal for the rest of our lives. I saw a link in another thread to a Q & A on a website where a young man had HSV-1 questions. They were all valid questions, yet the doctor who was answering said he had given the man enough answer for the man to calm down about it, yet the man had asked another question, so the doctor replied something like “This will be the end of our conversation.” How rude to diminish what someone else is going through. But i’m off topic now. SHOULD I RE-DISCLOSE TO BOYFRIEND NOW? With the first disclosure, he was mad that I had waited to tell him in person rather than on the phone (because we live more than an hour apart), he seemed upset, but within an hour he seemed okay and we were having sex and oral sex without protection just like we have for our whole relationship. If he was willing to take the risk then, do I assume he is still willing to take the risk now and not mention it? Or do I re-disclose? Yes, I realize I need to talk him into getting tested. He’s one of these guys who says he doesn’t have anything because he’s never had anything appear on his penis, and says he has only slept with clean girls. As if you would know their status from looking at them.

Today I got the results from going to an independent lab to get the 10-test panel for STDs, including IGG for HSV 1 and 2. I didn't wait approximately 3 months after I think I was infected because I wanted to see if I would have a low number NOW and a high number THEN, to potentially indicate if this is, in fact, a new infection and potentially from current boyfriend. The results: HSV 1 IGG 5.92 HSV 2 IGG <0.90 With a score of 5.92 showing up 6 weeks after my initial OB began, is it possible that this is still a new infection? As in, from current BF? The blood was drawn for IGG 12 weeks after he and I began having sex. When the dermatologist looked at my face and vulva during the initial OB, she said that based on exposure, incubation period, and my OB, current BF is the one who infected me. I was going to wait a few more weeks before doing the IGG to give the antibodies a chance to build up in my system, but decided to do it once now and then again later. I was hoping it would show a low number now, to prove the dermatologist's theory right. But maybe I waited too long and my antibodies are working quickly? I just want to know whether or not current BF is the one who gave me this. We were under the assumption that he was. There was almost a comfort in thinking that if we both have this, we won't have to deal with those awful condoms. He has not taken a test at all yet.

I don't mean to take away from how you feel , but honestly people like you irk me, the fact that you have to go as far as him getting tested for it to see if you passed it to him is crazy to me we'll all On her are complaining about genital herpes and hsv 2 and your hear complaining about cold sores which 80% of the population has, like all of us on this forum wish your "problem" was the only problem we have which is NOT a problem, are you kidding ?? Don't mean to come off rude but this just pissed me off a little Wow. What a harsh comment. I thought this forum was a judgement-free zone.

Same guy, I think.

Saw “Downsizing” this weekend. It’s the new Matt Damon movie. Toward the end (no spoilers— don’t worry), an important scientist in the movie introduces a young man who was the first baby born in the downsized world. The young man smiles and he has a huge, red, glistening cold sore on his lip. From the audience in the theatre, it was mostly silence. But I heard a few snickers, a few laughs, and a few groans. My boyfriend, who I had just told of my new HSV-1 diagnosis (and he is my giver but he denies it), leaned to my ear and said, “He’s got the Herpes,” loud enough for the people around us to hear. At least he didn’t say, “He’s got YOUR Herpes.”

Hi @chocolatelover! I also love chocolate, and I was just diagnosed this month, as well. Grab that man and kiss him! @littlestar I have a question for you. I don’t mean to hijack this post, but what you said to ChocolateLover got me wondering if I am over-thinking this. I have HSV-1 oral and genital. Just healing from first OB. Quick recovery from vulva part of the OB as it was very mild, yet it was there. So am I still in the “It’s just cold sores” category? Or am I a little more complicated due to the genital part of this deal? Thanks!

The only results I have received were a phone call from the dermatologist’s nurse saying yes it is H, but no indication of 1 or 2. Dermatologist had written in her toes (which appeared in my account online) “HSV and Genital HSV.” I’m assuming it’s HSV-1. The did the swan test and also took 5 vials of blood. But if I was just exposed it wouldn’t show up in my blood until 3 or 4 months later, right? I see a different dermatologist in a few days for follow-up. (The one I saw was locum tenens and gone now.) I may need to find a different doctor because the nurse who called me with diagnosis told me some inaccurate information, like, “The doctor said to tell you that you’re only contagious from the time you feel a tingle until the sores have dried up, so don’t have sex then and you’ll be fine.” The nurse told me that my regular MD would handle this for me for the rest of my life, and after the follow-up with the dermatologist there would be no reason to see their office again. But my MD is the one who misdiagnosed me as having impetigo, which delayed me from getting antivirals quickly. Instead, I was on antibiotics for 5 days. Maybe if I’d had the Valtrex sooner, the OB wouldn’t have become so severe. Also, I told my MD that I had something going on with my vulva. She knew impetigo would not be in the vulva. Yet she sent me one with antibiotic. I’m still phased at her and she’s been my doctor for 12 years. What kind of doctor is best to deal with this? Gynecologist? Infectious disease?

@sweet66 - Thanks for your response. You’re right. I just want to be alone and Google to learn as much as possible. I’m on the verge of tears at all times. At this point, I truly believe current boyfriend has no idea he has it. We’re still taking and texting and planning a romantic weekend, although this will be the first time we’ve seen each other since this nightmare began. So it will be time to tell him.

Current Boyfriend has reserved a jacuzzi suite at a hotel for two nights over the New Year's weekend, so I have about 7 days to figure out how I am going to begin this conversation about H with him. This will be the first time we have seen each other in person since I was infected (based on the doctor telling me the timeline fit together for me being exposed by him and then the awful OB I had), due to us leaving a little over an hour apart, me being sick and disgusting to look out for so long, and then family obligations and holidays. During this time that we haven't seen each other, we've made progress as far as getting to know each other better. This is a new relationship. We're exclusive. We both slept with other people (unprotected) right after our first date, but then decided we wanted to focus on each other. So it's been nearly three months now that we have not seen anyone else. I'm trying not to be nervous about starting this conversation. I don't want to cause an OB when I'm finally healing from my first (and only, so far) OB. He'll drive to my house and pick me up before we drive to where our reservations are. Should I sit him down at my house and start this conversation before we ever begin the drive? Or tell him while we're driving? There's a good chance he will leave, go back home, and I'll never hear from him again. Then the jacuzzi weekend will not happen. In that case, I'll probably go have two quiet nights for myself and relax in that giant tub. But I'm hoping that since we really like each other and have been getting to know each other, he'll use logic about this whole thing. Especially since the doctor said there's a 98% chance I got it from him. I've read through all of the disclosure posts to look for hints on how to present this to current boyfriend. Any other tips? I realize I should not begin with, "My doctor said you gave this to me," but the recommendations to begin the conversation with, "Do you ever get cold sores? Yeah, me too" doesn't seem authentic. Thanks everyone! P.S. My test results said HSV and genital HSV. but did not indicate 1 or 2. I'm assuming it's type 1, but blood tests have not come back yet. I had an incredibly severe facial OB and very mild genital OB. I don't think he has any idea that he could have this. The only mention of anything being amiss was when he made a comment about how he sometimes gets irritated places near his mouth when he shaves.

Thanks for the response. It isn't that he is acting like he doesn't have a problem. I have not told him yet, because we have not seen each other in person since the morning of the day the outbreak crept onto my face. We live about an hour apart and don't see each other every day. Or every weekend. But not at all since this happened. I have looked disgusting, felt awful, and didn't want to be seen. Plus I'm learning as much as I can before I talk to him. I have a follow-up appointment with the dermatologist next week. Need to ask a lot of questions, although I'm not sure how helpful this doctor will be since she is the one who had her nurse call to give me the diagnosis of H and then had the nurse tell me things like I'm only contagious from the time I feel a tingle until the time the sores dry up. That doesn't seem too helpful when I've read online that it's wrong PLUS there was never a tingle with the first outbreak so I'm not sure about it. I have no idea if he knows he has this. I haven't said, "Hey, do you ever get cold sores?" or "Do you have herpes?" He did mention that he sometimes gets irritated places near his mouth when he shaves. But that was the only thing that might have been a clue, and it was after my outbreak. He still thinks I had impetigo, which was my initial diagnosis. I'm waiting to bring up all of this when we see each other again in person. I've got handouts and pages printed. I'm going over facts and learning as much as I can. I'm practicing how to begin this conversation and what I'll say. It isn't easy to plan this conversation. The only person I have told so far (and probably the only person I will ever confide in, unless it's another lover who needs to know) is a former lover who is a very good friend. I presented the story to him chronologically, from the time I noticed my irritated spot on my lip caused by current boyfriend's mustache, to the following weekend when the irritated spot was still there, to the end of that weekend when my lip started to swell and ooze, to the next day when the breakout on my face began, the misdiagnosis and antibiotics with my PCP, the terrible appointment with the dermatologist days later when she scared the crap out of me/implied that I also had HIV/indicated I was on my way to blindness, to being scared and in isolation while waiting for test results for 8 terrible days, to getting the diagnosis and being in even more turmoil. His only suggestion was not to leave it hanging in mystery when I brought up her comment about how the breakout on my face that bad is usually something they see in HIV so I needed to come back right now for labs. Turned out I do not have HIV, but why in the world would she present this information to me like that? I feel like the whole appointment with this woman was handled badly. Like she flunked bedside manner in medical school.

NOTE: I don't see a spot to upload photos here, so I'm providing a link to two photos I've posted elsewhere. They are photos of my first (and only, so far) outbreak, on my face and vulva. LINK: https://honeycomb.click/topic/73571-questions-about-first-outbreak-photos-included/ ***** I was recently diagnosed with HSV (but doctor did not indicate 1 or 2) after first being diagnosed with impetigo. I had never even had a cold sore in my entire 41 years of life. This outbreak started after current boyfriend’s mustache rubbed a spot raw in my upper lip one weekend, and then the next weekend when we saw each other my lip swelled up a little, oozed clear liquid, and then the following day I got a fever, my lymph nodes were sore, and my face and lips started breaking out. The photo of my face is from the worst day, which was 4 days into the outbreak. I still thought I had impetigo at this point. Two days later, another doctor swabbed some sores on my face and had a lab draw blood. She did not swab anything on my vulva. The photo of my vulva is from about 4 days in, as well. I had a few sore spots but nothing like blisters that broke open or oozed. It was uncomfortable to pee for one day. I was not in excruciating pain down there like I have read a lot of women experience. The diagnosis I was given said HSV and Genital HSV. (Again, nothing has been determined as far as HSV 1 or 2.) I’m supposed to see the doctor for follow-up in a week to see how my face is healing and I have a list of questions. I’m on Valtrex. Vulva completely healed very quickly. Face is healing slowly but now just mostly redness. It was also in one eye, and eye doctor said my eye healed nicely. In the meantime, I have read a ton of posts here and I have looked at photos of HSV vs. impetigo online, but none seem to look exactly like my face or vulva looked. So I wanted to ask here — Do these photos (link at the top of this post) look like HSV to you? I realize HSV 1 can be in the genitals, and wonder if this looks like it. I’m still freaking out about all of this news. The doctor who said initially that I had impetigo did not swan anything. The dermatologist who said I had HSV seemed young and flaky, and really did not know how to talk to me. She ended up scaring me to death by calling me eight after I left her office. She said, “Yeah, no. I’m really concerned with the way this is diffused on your face. We usually only see that with HIV. You need to come back.” WHAT??? The HIV test was negative, thank God. Also, the “Yeah, no” doctor said that the timeline with the raw lip through the time of outbreak fits within the incubation period for this to have come from current boyfriend. We haven’t seen each other in person since this nightmare began, but have plans for a weekend together the weekend of New Year’s Eve. I’m waiting to talk to him in person and trying to learn as much as possible first. Thank you for looking at my disgusting face and nether region. I just kind of want reassurance of “Yes, my HSV looked like that” or “No, I’ve never seen an HSV outbreak like that.” Since this was my initial outbreak, will I shed from my face? Will future outbreaks happen again on my face? If current boyfriend gave this to me, thene is no need for ya to use condoms, correct? I’m still working through how I will present this whole thing to him. Ugh. Thank you for any info you're able to share.

I can’t figure out how to upload photos here. So here is a link to my post on another forum with two photos of my first (and only, so far) outbreak. Just wanted to ask if this looks like HSV. I have Googled like crazy but have not found photos that looked like my outbreak. Thanks! LINK TO 2 PHOTOS: https://honeycomb.click/topic/73571-questions-about-first-outbreak-photos-included/

On day 2 of the outbreak, my MD misdiagnosed me and started me on antibiotic pills and antibiotic cream. If course, this didn’t help. On day 6 of the outbreak, I saw a dermatologist who prescribed Valtrex twice per day. Also on day 6 of the outbreak, I saw an ophthalmologist who increased my Valtrexwto three times per day because it got in one eye. I was exposed either the previous weekend or the weekend that this outbreak happened.

my understanding is the number of outbreaks you have indicate how much shedding you are doing. so, if you've only had one outbreak (in how much time?) you are probably not shedding much. My first (and only, so far) outbreak started 18 days ago. From my nose down, my face was full of sores. And there were a few sores higher on my face, as well. I was pretty much all sores and disgusting-looking.

Except my first (and only, so far) breakout was NOT covered up — it was all over my face. What if my face touched hers during a hug? My first breakout is healed now. I know that I would be co raviolis if I had another outbreak. But what about shedding, since the outbreak was NOT covered? RN here. whether you have 1 or 2 makes no difference. and since your outbreak is covered up she is safe. it is not transmissible via respiratory droplets through the air, it requires skin to skin contact. it's as simple as that. also, shedding happens at the site of your outbreaks, not all over - the virus lives in the nerves and expressed in what we call dermatomes (an area of skin). you are not putting her in danger.

Yesterday I remembered more about that fateful weekend with current boyfriend. Ihe wasn’t feeling well. He said he al ost called to let me know he thought he had tonsillitis and to ask me not to come. He felt tired and run-down the whole weekend. He had me look in his throat to see if his tonsil was swollen, but I have never had that “Mom skill” so I couldn’t tell. He told me he’s had trouble with his tonsil (just one) since childhood. He put iodine on it a few times and said that’s what his mom always did. Is it possible to have an outbreak in the throat?

I'm newly diagnosed and would like to know the answer to @k123's question, as well. Do we need to avoid getting a massage during an outbreak? What about shedding? If there is no way to know when we're shedding, is it safe to get a massage?

UPDATE: This afternoon, I visited Former Lover and told him the whole story chronologically, from the start of the breakout, through the misdiagnosis, to the dermatologist scaring me with the possibility of HIV, my almost a week and a half in isolation and despair, the diagnosis of HSV coming one very long week after the swabs were done (and still no blood test results yet), my emotional roller coaster, my concern for him and asking him to get tested (and I made sure he understood that he would need to ask specifically for HSV tests to be included). I cried. He reassured me that everything will be okay and I'm still the same person I've always been. We talked about how I might tell the current boyfriend in a way that doesn't sound like I'm accusing him. I told him I realize this guy might dump me on the spot, and I'm going to have to be okay with that. I can do my best to make someone understand this very-often-misunderstood illness, but I can't make them truly understand. I've been dumped before. I've spent a decade in self-induced celibacy. I've survived a broken heart many times before. If this guy dumps me -- as much as I like him and was feeling like we might have a future before this happened -- so be it. It was a HUGE relief to tell someone. I let him know that he is the only person I feel like I can confide in with 100% trust. We discussed our odd friendship -- lovers many years ago, then lovers again recently, and friends throughout all of these years. He let me know that he is always here for me. That went really well. I do feel a lot better. I've had a lot of tears today. Now I've got some time to work through how I will present this to the current boyfriend.

Hi, @hikingGirl. Thanks so much for your reply. So far, I've received results only from the swab test. From what I understand reading through this forum and a few other reliable sites, the blood test may not give good results until several weeks after the initial outbreak, correct? I haven't seen current boyfriend and probably will not have a chance to see him until after the holidays. This is good, in a way, because it gives me time to deal with all of this, process it, and work out the way I will bring up this whole conversation with him in person. You are correct about a few things that he has said. At this point, I'm wondering if he said those things because he knows something (like that he already has it), or maybe he was attempting to be funny (which isn't funny), or maybe I'm way too sensitive about the whole thing right now.

I used to get Brazilian waxes every 4 weeks, but when my membership expired I couldn't afford to rejoin. Got myself a man's razor (because I read they charge us SO MUCH more just because they put pink on them) with 5 blades. I took out the moisturizing strips on the razors because I don't like the idea of whatever toxins might be in there. My hair is so dark and course and fast-growing that I had to shave every day to stay smooth. Now I'm afraid to shave. What are the other options? Nair? Similar chemicals? I try to avoid chemicals as much as possible, but if that's the only way to go I might have to give it a try. No way will I go back to having a bush.

I suspect the current boyfriend (of 2 months) gave me HSV-1, but I have a question about something the dermatologist said during my exam (before swab and blood tests). I told her what my PCP had already diagnosed me with, and she shook her head and said, "Yeah. no. This is herpes." I told her the story of how current boyfriend's mustache had rubbed a raw spot on my lip a week before my outbreak began, and that I kept touching it. She shook her head and said, "Yeah, no. He gave this to you. He probably doesn't even know he has it. The incubation period is right in line with him being the one." Is that how incubation periods work? Prior to this massive outbreak on my face, I had never had a cold sore in my life. Of course, I won't say anything hostile or accusatory to current boyfriend. I just wondered if the incubation period info was correct and if it might give me a leg to stand on as far as introducing the concept that he probably has this and did not know. I had high hopes for this guy. I was thinking I was falling in love with him, and now I'm afraid of being rejected and being alone forever. I'm working on crafting a disclosure talk in my head.

DISCLOSURE #1: Former Lover as my confidante Should my disclosure talk (which will be my first ever) be any different in this case? The only person I can think of to confide in with 100% total trust is a former lover. We were together for 2 years about 15 years ago, and we were together for a year having just recently broken up before I started seeing the person I am currently with (and who I suspect gave me HSV-1). Former Lover and I have not slept together since I started seeing the new guy two months ago. We have been good friends throughout these years and I trust him completely not to be judgmental and to genuinely care about what's going on with me. I don't have close girlfriends that I trust completely like I trust him. Yesterday I was practicing what I might say to Former Lover and thinking I should go over today to talk to him. I really, really need someone to talk to about this because it's causing me such turmoil keeping it to myself. But then I realized that by telling Former Lover, it's not just me whining about my situation and looking for a shoulder to cry on. He is going to wonder if I could have given this to him, or if he could have given this to me. So I need to be sensitive to his feelings. When we were together, we never used a condom. We were exclusive. But we've both had lovers before each other, of course. Should I treat this like a regular disclosure talk? Or treat it like telling a friend because I need support? Or a hybrid of the two? I was also going to ask him for advice about revealing it to the current boyfriend. DISCLOSURE #2: Current lover of 2 months, who I'm still seeing and hope to continue seeing Current boyfriend (who I see on weekends due to distance, but not every weekend) knows nothing about the HSV-1 diagnosis. He (and the rest of my world) know the initial diagnosis, which was impetigo (highly contagious bacterial infection of the skin, common in children, caused massive breakout on my face). I suspect the current boyfriend gave me H, but there's really no way to be sure, correct? When the dermatologist looked at my face (before taking a swab and blood for testing), I told her the story of how current boyfriend's mustache had rubbed a raw spot on my lip a week before my outbreak began, and I kept touching it. She shook her head and said, "Yeah, no. He gave this to you. He probably doesn't even know he has it. The incubation period is right in line with him being the one." As far as what the dermatologist said, should I even bring that up when I tell current boyfriend? I know I shouldn't say anything in a way that accuses him. He has said something twice that made me think that he might have cold sores. He said he gets places near his mouth sometimes when he shaves, so he's worn a mustache and small beard for several years. That got me thinking that he might already have this. Or just present it to him as how I found out I have the virus that causes cold sores, he may have it as well, etc. Thanks, everyone!

Sorry if this is a dumb question, but I haven't been able to find an answer online. Someone very close to me has been going through chemo since way before this HSV nightmare started for me. I used to go pick up lunch, take it to the hospital, and sit and visit with her while she was hooked up to the chemo. I'd spend a couple of hours sitting with her. Of course, there are maybe a dozen other chemo patients there at the same time hooked up to their drips. The closest ones to her are in fat, fluffy recliner chairs on either side of her (maybe 3 or 4 feet between their chairs and hers). I never went to chemo during an outbreak because I did not have this going on at the time. Is it safe for me to be around this friend AT ALL? I'm not sleeping with her or kissing her on the mouth. I was not around her during an outbreak. But what about being around her on a "normal" day in my life (whatever normal might be now, I don't know)? When the dermatologist's nurse called me yesterday to give me the diagnosis of HSV (without any 1 or 2 because she said they don't know), she was giving me messages from the doctor that sounded kind of outdated. For example, she said, "You're only contagious from the time you feel a tingle of an outbreak to the time they dry up." I know from reading here on this forum and other websites that this is not true and shedding can take place when we have absolutely no idea. With this friend's compromised immune system, I don't want to do anything to put her in danger. Thanks for any knowledge you might have on this subject! NOTE: I was diagnosed as just "HSV" without a 1 or 2, but I suspect it's 1.

Thank you so much, @mw7544. I appreciate your response. I truly have no one that I feel like I can confide in and know that it will be kept 100% confidential.