DoHope35

Hello IJWFB, I’m glad that you are considering disclosing to someone. Disclosing doesn’t have to be difficult but the stigma is so heavy it makes it so daunting to think about what to say and how others will respond. I haven’t disclosed yet as this person is actually still on vacation. They return today and I see them Saturday. However what has been helpful is learning from @Flowerteacher55 and @livingbeyond. I found out that this person is actually going through something themselves and while I want to be cautious it’s important to live in my truth and also know my worth along with value and everything that I am besides having HSV. I have found it helpful to only tell this person if we decide to move forward in a relationship (since we’ve been friends for almost 2 years). I have also mentioned something along the lines of it on the phone so for me it makes it a little easier to have the conversation (they actually said something about it yesterday and I provided just a bit more information to gauge their understanding). I have a “script” that I’ve prepared but i also want it to feel like a conversation and not a monologue or pity party. So that’s where I’m at with that. I’ve accepted to feel/be hopeful regardless of the outcome. So I’ll see about providing an update soon. I hope this helped 🙂

@Flowerteacher55, You’re absolutely correct about how someone else responds to what we say and though I have no control over that I do want to ask for permission as to if it’s a good time to talk, one about where our friendship/relationship is going and what we are calling it so that we have clarity and can be on the same page and two about the disclosing. A part of me wants to be upset because I easily put 2 and 2 together but that’s so much wasted energy and I know it doesn’t change the facts now. I’ve been doing a lot of reading to familiar myself with how common herpes is and it’s not this big scary thing but more so something that comes and goes. I will be messaging you soon. Thank you for communicating with me. It makes me feel so much more confident.

@Flowerteacher55 thank you so much for providing such uplifting and kind words. I was actually not as shocked when the results confirmed it because I was so tired of the back and forth of "it is"/ "it is not" and once you are told something as you have herpes and then they say "no never mind" it's not easy to erase out of a person's head, especially mine. What is helping is the fact that he is out of town right now. He has shared with me before being mentally unfit and emotionally unstable so my biggest fear is this information exacerbating what he already feels rather than me saying it. I have kind of worked up the nerve to saying what I want to say and I hope to share it with you, maybe in a private message just to see how that sounds. I want it to be direct but I also know people have a choice of what they want to do and I will be fine either way. The stigma is just so deeply rooted in the idea of herpes being "nasty" and a person being "promiscuous" when indeed someone didn't share it with me and I was faithful on my end though they were not. I'm just ready for him to return so we can have these necessary conversations. I really appreciate your kindness and for tagging @livingbeyond. I hope to chat with her soon!

For a few years now I have had a few Inconclusive test results that left me unsure of my HSV2 however today marked an actual accurate reading confirming herpes. As an African American woman I’m finding it extremely difficult to disclose within the African American community. I have been spending time with this guy for almost two years but we haven’t made anything official. I plan on asking him about the direction we want to go with things but I’m having trouble disclosing. we’ve both been through a lot especially within relationships and I don’t want to hurt him but I want to be sensitive too. Any advice is helpful. Thank you.

@nobody555, I really appreciate that. Some days are harder than others but you’re right, I am amazing and have so much to offer. I know without a doubt that he deserves to know because I don’t want to hurt him when he has done nothing wrong to me. We have sincere conversations and we are able to talk like true adults. He is truly worthy of knowing all of me as I want to continue to learn about him.

This was helpful @nobody555. That’s makes sense and it doesn’t have to exactly answer my question to get something out of it. You were right when you said a lot of us didn’t have a choice, and that’s why I’m so concerned because he is such an amazing man and he deserves to know and to decide. I know I will tell him it’s just when. I told him a similar situation with a friend and he was sincere so I I won’t hold it from him.

Hi Everyone, I was diagnosed with HSV 1&2 two year ago and to be exact it was February 14, 2018. It wasn’t great and during the time when I told my boyfriend he did not take it well and the relationship wasn’t healthy at all. Two years later, here I am talking to this AMAZING guy who is different from any past experience. We are taking our time and getting to know each other. It’s been about 3 months (23rd) and though we don’t talk about having sex when that time comes it would be helpful to know what to say (since in my past relationships it hasn’t gone well). What are some of the conversations you had when you disclosed? What did you say? Was it successful? Thanks 😊

Hi, I love to success stories. I’m 25 years old and I have had HSV 1&2 since February 2018. I found out on Valentines Day and the experience with my boyfriend wasn’t great. However now it’s been 2 years and I have been getting to know this guy for 3 months now. It’s not a long time and sex has not come up. I want to tell him because he’s amazing but we aren’t at that place to do that (or maybe we are). We take things slow which I appreciate because I haven’t had that in past relationships. How did you know it was the right time to tell him at 4 months?

Thank you Sarah. I appreciate your responses and honesty in giving me advice of how to move forward.

Sarahsfocus, not sure if you read any previous messages but he is coming over today and I said I am going to tell him today because I rather do it face to face.

Yes, I do. Is that the same as valacyclovir. If I may ask how is that different from any other suppressive therapy with exposure?

We had sex, but I do not think I exposed him to anything. I just want to have the conversation with him face to face versus through text. He is coming over tomorrow.

Hi VhYolo, I have to talked to him everyday since and tomorrow will make a month having conversation. I haven’t disclosed to him as we only became sexual that one time, however if he /we decide we want to be sexual again, I have found a comfortable way to disclose. This is what I plan on saying: “ I was exposed to a versus that cause me to have a skin condition. The medical term is HSV but it is also called herpes. I take medication for it everyday and since I’ve been exposed i haven’t exposed anyone else and I would not like to expose you either.”

Hi Everyone, Ive been diagnosed with HSV-1 & HSV-2 for over a year now and I have just got back into the dating scene. I took most of the year clearing my mind, educating myself and wrapping my head around how to live with this and continue my life. I met this guy. He’s African American, I don’t know if that matters but we had a couple drinks and became sexual. I feel awful now because I didn’t tell him before him that I have a virus named herpes. How do you disclose? What do you say? How do you say it? I really need tips.

Thanks @kinator and @amber1326. I’m taking all of this into consideration. I think I’m going to try the one I have once more to see if I react to it and I’ll try not to shave too close. However, I have been looking at other trimmers that may potentially work better.