what do i do? did i pass herpes to them?

[Sinner]

hello.. in 25 yrs old ..ive had herpes almost 7 months now. i tried to narrow it down to whom it was and back tracked as much as i could and i asked how they and their g/f's or whoever theyve been. everything was fine. so i instead thought of the 3 most recent ppl to question and get tested (2 had used condoms, 1 did not, and 1 gave me oral sex).. 1 agreed immediately and sent me results.. the 2nd person.. has yet too, and i didnt bother with the last 1 because the other 1 never sent me anything.

 

the month before i contracted herpes, i had gone through the 1st worst experience of my life.. an abortion.. so of course my immune system was down and right then and there i had the iud put in. thinking, ok.. everything will be great now. unfortunately a month later.. the next worst thing in my life happened which was the herpes ...

 

The first herpes outbreak was horrid, the god awful rash between my cheeks, blisters.. and then an ulcer. i kept trying to think of a way to keep things dry.. eventually i felt baby powder did the trick for me even though i was told not to put anything there. it was so uncomfortable.. and honestly, i feel it worked because in 3 days everything was dried up. that was in march.

 

i was fine up until early august when i had partied really hard at a beach on a hot day.. i presume all that compromised my health and i had a minor outbreak of an ulcer in the exact same spot and a couple blisters. i did my same treatment.. and i felt it helped greatly.

 

i dont want to jinx it. but i have been fine since.. i accepted my situation within the month of contracting it.. and at first i was quite comfortable letting guys know whenever i was approached at a club. none of them thought twice about and would just.. ok, i'll use a condom.. and that was that.. but i dont know whats been going on with my mind lately.. but ive been keeping my mouth shut... with a few guys now..

 

a friend that ive slept with off and on for 5 yrs, does not know.. but he always uses a condom. ive yet to hear anything.. then there have been 4 others whom i could potentially of compromised their health on account of not using protection. i always say condom and they say no, and i don't bother fighting about it.

 

all the ppl i sleep with have my phone number, facebook or both.. and i did it again yesterday with a guy ive had a crush on since 5th grade. im so paranoid he's gonna call me and freak out.. im just trying to stay positive about it.. i understand its wrong what im doing and i know its getting out of control now.. ive been a care free spirit for so many yrs, that i dont know how to stop! i also have never used any medication.. and i dont ever plan to.. i dont for for when im sick with anything. any advice.. or if anyone could maybe share experiences of maybe them doing the same and how many times its come back at them...

[mr_hopp]

Hey sinner,

 

Thank you for sharing yourself here. First things first: You're only a sinner if you believe you are. The more you own that name, the more likely you will be to continue down this road. You can change whenever you'd like, and that change starts in how you feel about yourself. Actions follow how we treat ourselves.

 

Second things second, you need to realize that sleeping around with guys here and there and allowing them to not use protection when they refuse is being so careless about your own body and sexual health. Yes, it's putting them at risk for getting herpes, but it's also putting you at risk for getting anything else out there that's floating around. We live in a world where MOST people at some point in their lives will get an STD. Use having herpes as an opportunity to have the sexual health conversation with whoever you choose to have sex with. Using them either contacting you or not as an accurate gauge of whether they got herpes from you or not is a poor test.

 

And third things third: To go a bit deeper, why are you sleeping with these guys? (Note that this question doesn't have judgment in it, simply curiosity.) I want to know your motivations behind having sex with these guys. What are you getting from it? Are you looking for someone you can have a deeper relationship? Are you "shopping around" for the one you want to explore deeper intimacy with or do you see yourself continuing this pattern of sleeping with multiple guys? The more you can get to know your motivations behind doing what you do, the more choice you have about how to move forward.