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Everything posted by mr_hopp

  1. STD-only dating is a form of pre-rejection. If I stuck with STD-only dating, I would have never met my wife. Because I would have made the choice to take myself out of the “regular folk” dating pool without giving her the choice through disclosing. I don’t want to pop-poo it altogether though. STD-only dating certainly has its place as a warmup to getting yourself back out into the world of dating in general … just don’t get stuck there! Here’s an article about this: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-dating-sites
  2. Unfortunately, it's hokey. Don't waste your money on false promises. Here's a good article debunking their claims: https://www.acsh.org/news/2019/03/26/synergys-herpes-cure-will-leave-you-cold-sore-13892
  3. Tears in my eyes. Goosebumps all over. Holy shit. POWER.
  4. Hello H Oppers! I recently had the pleasure of interviewing one of our fellow H-Oppers, Stephanie Taylor. Stephanie first reached out to me after hearing the Vice interview with me and my wife; and her email was so heartfelt and real, I wanted to hear more from her (and share her story with you!). Stephanie and I talk about how she felt about first getting diagnosed 2 years ago, how her 3 best girlfriends reacted when she disclosed (cue the movie moment music), and how she perceives dating and relationship now. Do you have a story to share with our community? PM me! https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-talk-friends
  5. Hi @Gypsy86! Great question. This is one with a lot of confusion around it. The full term is "asymptomatic viral shedding" which means there can be literally no signs or symptoms at all and small amounts of virus can be shed from the original site of infection. There's unfortunately not a way of knowing when this shedding is happening, but there have been studies that swabbed a known outbreak zone of herpes-infected people daily over the course of a year, and they have determined the rates of shedding of HSV-1 or HSV-2 whether on the genitals or mouth. Different shedding rates per different zone/strain. For more details about the shedding rates, you can grab the free handouts that come with the e-book and see the % breakdowns: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook And to your question specifically, after an outbreak and after the scab has fallen off and you have new skin there, I've always heard it *should* be safe to engage in sexual activity (note: I'm not a doctor!). However, I've always played it super safe with my partners and waited at least a week after the scab has fallen off before any hanky panky. But if you're boyfriend is in the process of getting tested and you find he already has the same strain of herpes as you, then he will have more natural immunity (antibodies) that will protect him that much more. So I would just wait until getting the test results back so you're better able to make informed, data-driven decisions together.
  6. "No amount of guilt will change the past, just as no amount of anxiety will change the future." — Umar Ibn al-Khattab
  7. This is great, @Flowerteacher55! I PM'd you an outline that I've used for the monthly herpes support group I used to run at Planned Parenthood.
  8. Hi @Sumshine! Hm, perhaps you're just looking at one category instead of all? Just go to the main page and you can see the most recent topics in all categories: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com
  9. Hi and welcome! What you're referring to is auto-inoculation. In the first year or so of having herpes, your body is building up natural immunity (antibodies); so you could potentially pass herpes to other parts of your body if you touch an active sore and then touch another part of your body with mucous membrane or a cut in your skin that would more easily allow the virus to enter. But if you follow simple precautions like washing your hands after touching a herpes outbreak, you'll be fine. Herpes doesn't just spread to other parts of your body out of the blue without being transferred by touching an outbreak. Sometimes outbreaks can show up in other locations close to your initial site of infection because the virus might take an alternate branch in your nerves as it travels to the surface of your skin, but that's not considered auto-inoculation. Here's more to read up on: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-can-you-get-herpes
  10. Hi Southpaw! I'm off to dinner, so don't have a lot of time, but that's a great question and I wanted to make sure you get an answer! And the answer isn't in the number of dates you go on, but in asking yourself the question "Do I trust this person with my vulnerability?" If you don't trust them, then either stop seeing them or wait until you do. From there, it's about sharing with them about what you appreciate about them (that brought about this trust) and saying you have something important to talk about, and see if they're open to having a conversation. From there, tell them you have herpes. Then ask them immediately after "What do you know about it?" Their answer to that will tell you whether you need to go into education mode (the handouts that come with the free e-book are a great overview for that) or whether they already know about it.
  11. Welcome! We’ve all been there. Including thinking there’s no hope, but that line of thinking is all bullhonkey (excuse my french). These thoughts you listed off are actually super common, but it doesn’t mean they’re true. (My favorite bumper sticker: “Don’t believe everything you think!”) If anything, having herpes filters out the riffraff in the shallow end of the pool and gets right to the depth of relationship, the vulnerability, the true connection ... which is what we’re all after anyway. Give yourself some time to recoup, but don’t let that stinkin’ thinkin’ be the barrier to you finding what you want and deserve. And as far as positive disclosure stories go? Here’s around 2.4K of them: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/?forumId=9
  12. Hi @Mtnandwaves, That's going to be a hard question to give a definitive answer on, unfortunately. It's possible that the sex itself was what triggered the outbreak to come on the following day (friction and all), so perhaps you weren't having the active outbreak during actual penetration. 🤞 When you disclosed to him, did you find out if he has been tested for herpes already so at least he knows his baseline status? If he did contract herpes last night, then blood tests won't pick it up for another few months (takes a while before antibodies reach detectable levels), but if any sort of rash or blisters appear, those can be swabbed and tested immediately via PCR. How has the relationship been progressing up to this point? How long have you been seeing each other?
  13. There are 2 reasons to take medication: To keep a partner who doesn't have herpes safe and/or to keep unmanageable outbreaks under control. Here's an article with more details: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-medication And for the first year, your body is getting things under control, building up antibodies, then for the majority of folks, outbreaks get less and less frequent/intense. What I did myself was just ride it out (without daily suppressive meds) so I could see what "normal" outbreaks would be like as a baseline, but it's a personal decision for everyone. If you were to ride it out, then worst case scenario (if outbreaks are too frequent and/or too severe) you could always go back on meds, especially in this first year to give your body some extra support. But regardless, just know that these outbreaks that show up in your first year aren't going to be representative of how your body will handle outbreaks for the rest of your life — or even in the very near future! Hang in there! We've all been through it. It gets so much better.
  14. Yes! This is great, T. Enjoy that sweet sweet dance. 😆 Thanks for sharing and welcome!
  15. This. This is so good! Here's to your courage. And for accepting yourself enough for someone else to see you and accept you, too. And regardless of whether he said yes or no, it's a win. Success is that you even did it. Getting to acceptance is icing on the cake. 😉 Good job. And good on you for noticing your defense mechanisms coming up, too. When we can notice, then we have more choice. Making the unconscious more conscious takes more power away from our patterns that don't really serve us. Defense mechanisms certainly do a great job keeping us safe, but they also keep us disconnected. Definitely watch that with a vigilant eye! 👊
  16. This is a great question and I applaud you for wanting to do your research to keep your partner as safe as possible. Because diabetes compromises the immune system, then that puts diabetics at more risk of contracting herpes and also puts their body at a disadvantage of naturally suppressing future outbreaks. So to your specific question, herpes doesn't actually affect diabetes itself, but diabetes affects the immune system, which then makes the body more susceptible to any viruses.
  17. Beautiful. Big hugs for all the courage and for your deep commitment to your healing. I’m so glad we got to connect.
  18. Hey! Totally normal to have this kind of experience during the first year of infection. Sounds like nerve pain? That's pretty common. Hang in there. Your body is still in the midst of building up antibodies to naturally suppress this over time. You got this.
  19. So to clarify, you have oral HSV-1, correct? To your question, the longer you've had herpes, you do tend to shed less, but since it's asymptomatic, you really just won't know when or how much. Safe to say you're shedding 9-18% of the year. (Read the free handouts for all the facts and transmission numbers broken down on one page.) But it's certainly nowhere near that it's a given that he now has herpes just from kissing one time if you weren't having an outbreak and haven't had an outbreak for 4 years. I'd just be straight up with him. Definitely no need to avoid anything here. Say what you said here: I was unaware that it could possibly negatively impact you since cold sores are so minimized in our society since most of the world has it (70-90%).
  20. Get a western blot test to get a definitive result. Swab tests are accurate, so you probably have HSV-2 and your most recent blood test is probably a false positive (was it an IgG?). That's what I'd guess based on what you've said here. And your understanding of HSV1 and HSV2 is a bit off. It's more complicated than that since both strains can be found either orally or genitally, in varying numbers. Around 1/2 of all new genital herpes cases these days, for example, are genital HSV-1 due to giving oral sex while having an oral HSV-1 outbreak (cold sores). Here's a breakdown: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/hsv-1-hsv-2-the-two-types-of-herpes ... and you can download the handouts for free that summarize all the facts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
  21. Hello! No, not selfish. Just a fellow sexual human being. 😄 Some things to clarify: It's actually super rare to get HSV-2 orally. Only 1-2% of ALL oral herpes cases are HSV-2 (in other words, 98-99% of all oral herpes cases are HSV-1). As long as you pause the hanky pank while you're having outbreaks of course, he's much less likely to get oral HSV-2 via oral sex than you may be assuming. Download your free handouts for a breakdown on transmission risks: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook I hope this helps!
  22. Hello and welcome! I can totally appreciate where this anxiety is coming from since I was there myself in the first few years of having herpes. (I felt like just breathing around people would give them herpes!) 😄 And the antidote to this worry is to educate yourself on the actual risks. Transmission rates, especially for genital HSV-1 are much lower than you might think ... It's actually pretty rare to pass HSV-1 genital-to-genital (in fact, Terri Warren told me straight-up that she hasn't seen a case of genital-to-genital HSV-1 transmission). Since it doesn't sound like you get cold sores (oral HSV-1), then kissing them or licking nipples is totally safe. Another thing to consider is if they go down on you, it runs the same risk as them kissing any of the 70-90% of people in the world who have oral HSV-1. Same virus, just different location. In fact, it's even harder to transmit HSV-1 genital-to-oral than oral-to-oral since HSV-1 sheds so much less genitally than orally. (Read the handouts that come with the free e-book for more on that.) Of course don't engage in any sexual activity if you're having an outbreak or feel like one might be coming on, but other than that, the amount of viral shedding genitally for HSV-1 is so small, and since the vast majority of people are carriers of HSV-1, then most people will have antibodies already established, which gives them an extra layer of protection. Of course disclose to your partners and let them know the deal, but use this as an opportunity to be open, educate and show them the kind of relationship of integrity you'd like to have. Again, read the disclosure e-book for all the tips on disclosure, and here's a helpful video (oldie but a goodie): https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-talk-and-your-perspective I hope all this helps ease your nerves! In summary: Your love life is NOT over. Not in the slightest. I promise. 🙂
  23. Hi Paul, It's difficult to give you a definitive answer via forums, but hopefully this can help. Some folks get outbreaks that look like fissures, also known as papercut herpes, which might be what you have. Have you had a genital outbreak with blisters before? If so, then it's probably not papercut herpes. The only way to know for sure is to get the area swabbed if/when it happens again. And absolutely use lube. Overall, the less friction the better as far as keeping an outbreak at bay (too much friction can certainly be a trigger for an outbreak) .
  24. Welcome @notyourmango! It does tend to take longer for an initial infection since the body hasn't developed antibodies yet, so for each subsequent outbreak you'll have (if any), healing time will speed up. So hopefully that will help put your mind at ease for the future. For now, it sounds like you're doing everything you can, so continue flexing that patience muscle (easier said than done sometimes) 🙂 and let your meds and your immune system do their good work. Passing herpes from one part of your body to another (also known as auto-inoculation) can happen within the first year of having herpes until antibodies are established, so wash your hands after every time you touch an active outbreak (no worries about viral shedding passing herpes to other parts of your own body when you're not having an active outbreak as there doesn't tend to be enough virus shed to infect).
  25. Welcome @SeanJohn — I'm positive for both HSV-1 and HSV-2, I've been with my wife for 7 years now and we have a baby boy who just turned 4 (my how time flies). I take daily suppressive therapy but we decided together to stop using condoms years ago (hence that sweet baby boy I mentioned earlier). 😉 That brings her risk down to 5% per year. And she hasn't gotten herpes yet. 🤞 Life does certainly go on and it's up to each person and each couple to determine their risk tolerance together. It's certainly a risk/reward scenario to balance, and for each person it's different. Speaking of, have you downloaded the handouts that come with the disclosure e-book? Those break down all the numbers in an easy-to-understand way: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
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