5 yrs later

[Guest]

Hi I'm new here, my therapist advised me to join a group where other people could relate. I got the virus 5 yrs ago when my now ex lied to me about having a condom on (I thought he put one on but never did). I was angry because a week before I met him I prayed for GOD to send me someone cause I was so lonely. I had been left previously heart broken by an asshole and thought I was finally seeing the silver lining. I was met that week with thee worst I thought rash or yeast infection but turned out to be herpes. I was devastated, things kept flashing before me like the month before, telling my gyno my love life was as dry as the desert and I was having a drought, or how I was gonna make sure the next guy I dealt with took a STD test before we did anything cause I dodged that bullet with the last guy who slept around, how I was ready to settle down with a stable man. Then, for the same day to find out not only did I have herpes I found out I was pregnant. I blamed myself, him, the guy before, GOD ect.

I was terrified, never been pregnant before and never had an std before, when my gyno told me it was incurable I didn't know what to do. I was uneducated about these major two things that happened, I only read that the child might come out blind. I really contemplated suicide for a week or two and decided this is not an environment that I would ever want to bring a child in and had an abortion. I had always been anti abortion and here I was, I cried everyday for months. I opted to never take any drugs in fear of repeated usage would cause liver damage plus medication gives me anxiety. I dealt with all the painful out breaks that subsided once I figured out what triggered them. Sex was never the same, I didn't want to have it and always had an ob after every time. I wanted to leave my boyfriend really wanted to kill him but I stayed cause I knew that was it, I was really going to be alone now. later on in the relationship I became too resentful to stay he put me through a lot so we broke up. I still feel like it happened yesterday, 5 yrs later and contemplated suicide heavy over the holidays. My birthday was coming up and I just couldn't see things getting any better. I finally got serious about therapy and started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist . I've been feeling even more lonely lately. I feel like I would be flourishing in my dating life by now or even married at my age 36. I've been getting myself mentally prepared to just flourish everywhere else in my life but accept that I'll be alone forever. No guy in my community will date someone telling them they have herpes unless they already have it or they have worse. I don't want that to be my only option so things are just as bleak 5 yrs later.

[_a_rayofsunshine_]

Hey! I’m a 28 yr old black female. There are plenty of black men w/o stds who would be willing to date & marry you. Change your perspective, change your mindset. There is always hope. Life isn’t over. Forgive yourself and forgive that ex so you can be free and receive new beginnings. Also, remember satan sends ppl too. You were vulnerable then, lonely, and satan knew what you liked. Remember wolves walk around in sheeps clothing. The past is the past. You’re loved! You will get that love life you desire! Don’t dwell on being single and alone. Use this time to improve you, heal you, start businesses, put your talents/gifts to use and get distracted doing better in life and before you know it, that love will find you while you’re busy doing you, enjoying life. God is a restorer and healer! 

[Guest]

Thank you for those kind words ❤ Really hoping my therapy works.

[SUGA29]

I am a 29 year old black female with hsv 2, I've had it for about 5 years now. When i found out my mind spiraled, i've had my dark moments as well and trapped myself in a hole for sometime. I hated and blamed myself sometimes i still do, but over time i've learned to love myself and my body even more. Patience is always key, i have met some incredible people, who did not judge me at all despite my condition, even though the relationship did not work out with them i still decided to push myself away and spare the pain because i didn't want to get hurt. You are so loved lady and you are so worth it! Keep telling yourself that, the right one will come and love you unconditionally! Never think of yourself any less because you are a QUEEN!

[89star]

Hello. I am a black woman also. My career is flourishing, I’m 28 and I have no kids. I also have hsv2. I know it can be a hard pill to swallow, and some days are harder than others but you will get through this. Miracles are possible. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello, friend ❤️

I am sorry you have faced these hurdles. You did not deserve them, however God placed them in your path for a reason. 

Please know that there is hope, you are safe and loved and valued, and you can forgive yourself. Guilt and shame weigh us down, but God has already lifted these burdens from us  Also, you should be so proud of yourself for getting help! 

You are truly and inspiration, and your story is going to help so many people, so thank you for sharing it. 

You deserve someone accepting of you in all ways. I know sometimes we think we are better off with at least SOMEONE, even if they are abusive, mean, or unworthy of our kindness and time, than be alone. But, it is when we are with these people that we feel the weight of anxiety, self-hate, and doubt the most. You are strong and independent. You are deserving of someone who is understanding of the biological realities of herpes, not someone who immediately judges and falls into herpes myth traps. 

Life isn't easy, life isn't perfect, but life is good. You are a pure and beautiful human being. Don't let the chumps and haters get you down, and I'd you ever feel down the H community is here to cheer you on and support you. I am rooting for you and am sending prayers your way ❤️.