We had "the herpes talk" and he took it well but...

[Perry313]

Hi all! I'm so glad this site exists as I have already browsed many of the great discussions.

 

Ok, here's my dilemma:

 

I began dating this guy whom I've been friends with for about 8 years. We dated briefly (including sex) 3 years ago but didn't pursue anything and we remained friends after. 3 months ago we started really dating; talking all the time, seeing each other almost daily, etc. Well, about 2 weeks into it, we had the talk. He actually took it well. We ended up hanging out and talking about other topics after. We kissed and went home separately (we were in a public place). We continue to talk and see each other regularly. Even our friends (mine and his) expect to see us together... but we aren't having sex. Since the talk, he hasn't been able to get and stay erect, except once. I feel bad for him. The first time it happened he said it had never happened before. I instantly knew what was wrong. We don't even try anymore, it's been two months now. I'm thinking about talking with him again but what do I say?! My best friend said to give him some time because if he weren't interested he would have stop calling and coming around...but how long does this usually take? Please help, this is killing me!

 

 

[CarolTB]

Well, I would talk to him about what is on his mind. Have a honest talk with him, try to get to know how he feels about the risk of getting herpes and explain him there are ways tolower the risk. I hadnt got into a relationship before the herpes thing but I hope I was abble to help you somehow.

 

[hforumap]

Try asking him if he is afraid? This may help him open up his fears and get you both closer. You never know. It doesn't hurt to try. You already told him the hardest thing, so anything now, will go smoother. I think.

[Juvia]

Did you explain to him any information about herpes? I know it might be rough, but try and put yourself in his shoes. He probably doesn't know much about it other than what the media has shown, or just the basic information.

 

Try telling him about what type you have, explain to him the preventative care you are taking to ensure that you do not spread it. Whether you are taking the medicine, taking vitamins, and the advantages of using condoms.

 

Explain what having herpes really feels like and what it actually means. Learn as much as you can about herpes for yourself too.

 

Be open about it, because in my experience, telling them isn't enough. I guide them through the process, I try and put myself in their shoes, I am respectful of their feelings, and I ask them if they have any questions, and let them know that I am here to help and talk about it if they need it. The more support you offer, the more support you will receive, at least, once again, this is speaking from my experiences.

 

The more confident you are about what you have, the more comfortable he will be.

[Juvia]

Because once you tell them, it is easy for it to become the one thing that isn't talked about, when it is actually the one thing that needs to be talked about.