New to herpes and sooo many questions

[Sno_cat22]

Hey everyone. I am new to ghsv2. I have been with the same guy for 14 years and have 2 kids. Life was great till April 15 I broke out in horrible sores. I don’t understand how I could have this all along and never notice or have signs before. My husband has no signs either. And also tested negative for herpes. He has been very supportive. I am the one that’s spiraling downwards.  I do have questions. So I hope I can get some answers 🙂 
1. My husband is diabetic. He is insulin dependant. What if he catches it now? How is that going to effect his sugars.. healing bc diabetics take longer to heal. Anyone who Is a diabetic and has herpes I would love to hear your response 

2. so I got diagnosed april 15. It was aweful. The worst pain I have even entailed. Then had a sore on may 15 and then again on June 1st. But sores disappeared within 3 days of taking valtrex  2 pills 3 times a day for 7 days. So if I ever get comfortable to have sex again if I have no sores when is it safe to do so?

3. These prodome symptoms confused me. I have burning/itching/tingling all the time in my genital area and my thighs? So how do I know if it’s safe to have Sex again. Every little mark I see I think it’s herpes. 
4. I am really scared bc I have been reading on here and everything I read makes it sound like it gets worse with age. I am 36. I will say I am not the happy cheery person I use to be just bc I feel my life is gonna be lots of pain now 😞 my husband is so good. 

5. i know to use condoms but I need to do everything I can not to let my husband get it. If he fingers me (and no sores) will he get it on his fingers? He normally has cuts on his fingers from his job. I don’t know if I would feel comfortable letting him go down on me now. I think this is also where I am having a hard time bc we were the type of ppl that would have sex everyday. But it’s been 2 months and i have so much guilt for having this. 

 

Thanks for reading. I am just so lost. But trying to live the best life I can. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi, @Sno_cat22!! 💛

I hope you are doing okay. I am so sorry for the late reply. I read your post and I have said some prayers for you ❤️. Please know everything will be okay!! We are here to support you however you need. You are not alone 💛.

I am actually out right now but I will home on my computer shortly, and I will answer all of your questions indepth ASAP!! 

Please know you are not alone and that you can still live a happy and healthy fulfilling life with your husband -- H doesn't have the power to get in the way of love!! 🌈🌻❤️

Sending blessings and prayers your way!! 🌈🌻💛

grace

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello! 🙂 

Here are the answers to your questions! 

1. My husband is diabetic. He is insulin dependant. What if he catches it now? How is that going to effect his sugars.. healing bc diabetics take longer to heal. Anyone who Is a diabetic and has herpes I would love to hear your response 

This is a wonderful question. Does he have type 1 or type 2?  Those with Type 2 Diabetes are more susceptible to infections in general. Read more here! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7475801/#:~:text=Hyperglycemia in diabetes is thought,to more susceptible to infections. 

Those with either Type 1 or 2 do typically take longer to heal wounds, so it may impact the healing speed of herpes sores. Also, if a person with diabetes has a wound already of some type orally or genitally or elsewhere on the body, they may be more susceptible to contracting HSV if they were to engage in relations with someone with HSV because there is an open channel into the skin tissue (and their immune system may already be impacted by their diabetes depending on the type they have and circumstances).

2. so I got diagnosed april 15. It was aweful. The worst pain I have even entailed. Then had a sore on may 15 and then again on June 1st. But sores disappeared within 3 days of taking valtrex  2 pills 3 times a day for 7 days. So if I ever get comfortable to have sex again if I have no sores when is it safe to do so?

I am so sorry that you had a terrible first outbreak 😞. It's great that the Valtrex helps you! Typically you are good to be intimate again if you are symptoms free for about eight days. If you are concerned about transmisson, you could always take suppressive therapy (so Valtrex daily in an effort to suppress the likelihood of having an outbreak or shedding). 

3. These prodome symptoms confused me. I have burning/itching/tingling all the time in my genital area and my thighs? So how do I know if it’s safe to have Sex again. Every little mark I see I think it’s herpes. 
4. I am really scared bc I have been reading on here and everything I read makes it sound like it gets worse with age. I am 36. I will say I am not the happy cheery person I use to be just bc I feel my life is gonna be lots of pain now 😞 my husband is so good. 

Similar to above, you could always take suppressive therapy to help ease your worries and possibly reduce the risk of transmission to your husband. I completely understand the fear of every little mark being herpes. I would go to the clinic every time I saw a rash or a bump or a dot and ask "IS THIS HERPES?!". Every time... the answer was no 😂. It actually taught me how to decipher outbreaks from non-outbreaks, though, and that is very helpful! 🙂.

Herpes actually can get better with age (like a yummy aged cheese ❤️). Over time, some folks explain their outbreak frequency and severity decreases, which is great. For some it get worse, others it gets better, and others see no change. Don't spend time worrying about the future. You'll cross that bridge if and when you come to it! ❤️ 

You mentioned that you have burning and itching and tingling in the genital and thigh region often; have you had this prior to your outbreak or has it been since your outbreak? Of course, it is normal to be itchy down there often (especially if you shave that area!). However, tingles or numbness constantly means you perhaps should get checked out by an OBGYN or doctor. If you have had the tingling since the outbreak, that is normal, as it can take a little bit before the first outbreak impacts to fully heal. 

It's normal that you have been feeling sad and not like your usual positive self. Take the time you need to cry or be angry or sad, and release all those feelings and channel it into something positive and healthy. Fight the negative thoughts and lies ("I'll never be happy again" "I am unattractive" "My husband deserves better" etc) and remind yourself of the truth, that you WILL heal from this emotional pain, you ARE beautiful, and your husband and you belong together and that H cannot get in the way of your love! ❤️ 

5. i know to use condoms but I need to do everything I can not to let my husband get it. If he fingers me (and no sores) will he get it on his fingers? He normally has cuts on his fingers from his job. I don’t know if I would feel comfortable letting him go down on me now. I think this is also where I am having a hard time bc we were the type of ppl that would have sex everyday. But it’s been 2 months and i have so much guilt for having this. 

Condoms do help reduce the likelihood of transmission! Also remember that you can use internal or external condoms, too! If he touches you down there when no sores are present, he should be good. Typically HSV likes mist mucous membrane areas (mouth and genitals) and doesn't like tough skin like the hands. People live completely happy sex lives with GHSV-2, and the same is possible for you! Talk to your husband about things you are comfortable trying and what you aren't comfortable trying, and he can share his thoughts as well. You can also talk to your doctor about it and he could ask his endocrinologist about how contracting HSV-2 could impact his diabetes and how his diabetes could impact his HSV-2. 

Let go of your guilt. You have no reason to be ashamed or feel guilty. It is not your fault, and you are not defined by this at all. You are still the beautiful person your husband fell in love with, and that won't change! ❤️ If it helps, ask your husband to offer reassurance that he still finds you attractive, that he still loves you even though you haven't been as intimate lately, etc. A partnership means being there no matter the weather (sunshine or rain), and you have one another to get through this with! ❤️ 

We are here for you! Please reach out with any questions or if you need support or a friend ❤️ 

Sending blessings and prayers your way🌻☀️❤️ !!! 

grace

[Sno_cat22]

Thanks sooo much for the reply!

2. I do take valtrex daily to hopefully help. I don’t think it has helped yet though bc I still have all the prodome symptoms. So as long as the sores are gone and it has been a week we are good to try to be intimate or does all the ichy/burning/etc signs need to be gone to?

3. I have only got these burning,itchy etc on my upper thighs and vagina since I got herpes. It’s hasn’t left. That’s why I am so confused if these are normal or not. Or signs of outbreaks gonna happen. I do take 500ng of valtrex Daily. 
 

4. I am suffering from aniexty that it is gonna get worse with age bc my first outbreak was that aweful. I honestly don’t think I could live it was like alll the time. I know realistically it’s gonna happen again at some point and I honestly feels like ptsd over it. I do not want it to get worse (and I hope ir doesn’t) and that’s where I am getting more aniexty bc I don’t want my husband to go through this bc it hasn’t been fun at all. It’s hard when you love someone so much you don’t want to pass this pain on to him. Specially when we have 2 Young kids (10 and 12) that need us and are very busy and active. Like this has knocked me on my ass and i am actually quite healthy and in shape. But is so hard. 
 

5. Yes if I ever let my husband touch me, we will def use condoms. I was actually wondering if boxers would help stop the spread if he wore those and a condom so not much skin to skin contact. As this point I will do anything to try to not let him get it even if I means I will just give him oral. He is so good. He said he would rather spent the rest of his life with me even if we can’t have sex then me being not Alive. I just scared I am gonna be sick all the time and can’t live life to fullest (i am trying) 

[Flowerteacher55]

2. I do take valtrex daily to hopefully help. I don’t think it has helped yet though bc I still have all the prodome symptoms. So as long as the sores are gone and it has been a week we are good to try to be intimate or does all the ichy/burning/etc signs need to be gone to?

Typically just to be safe, all symptoms should be gone for a full week prior to engaging in intimacy. The frustrating thing is that tingling can be from the viral shedding or from the lingering neurological pain, which is why it is safer to just abstain if you still feel tingles. Also, reengaging in intimacy too quickly could cause another outbreak to occur since friction can trigger outbreaks. 

3. I have only got these burning,itchy etc on my upper thighs and vagina since I got herpes. It’s hasn’t left. That’s why I am so confused if these are normal or not. Or signs of outbreaks gonna happen. I do take 500ng of valtrex Daily. 

Okay, thanks for clarifying! It could just be the lingering tingles. Your body went through an extreme event, and your body has been through a lot neurologically, so the tingles can linger for about a month. However, you've been experiencing this since April 15, which is over a month (almost 2!). Have you seen a neurologist? The 500 mg should be helping, but since it isn't, getting a referral to see a neurologist may be helpful! 🙂  
 

4. I am suffering from aniexty that it is gonna get worse with age bc my first outbreak was that aweful. I honestly don’t think I could live it was like alll the time. I know realistically it’s gonna happen again at some point and I honestly feels like ptsd over it. I do not want it to get worse (and I hope ir doesn’t) and that’s where I am getting more aniexty bc I don’t want my husband to go through this bc it hasn’t been fun at all. It’s hard when you love someone so much you don’t want to pass this pain on to him. Specially when we have 2 Young kids (10 and 12) that need us and are very busy and active. Like this has knocked me on my ass and i am actually quite healthy and in shape. But is so hard. 

Aw, I understand. Honestly, just breathe ❤️. Even though you have H, it doesn't mean it is going to be worse as you age.  Something that has helped me with anxiety so much is tapping. Here is an amazing video for tapping through pain https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiNg9q9gzW0. The love and compassion you have for your husband really shows, since you don't want to experience this pain. If it helps, check out the facts sheets that were sent to your email when you signed up for this site. Logical and statistics really help battle fear and anxiety. Looking at the low risks and transmission rates can help reduce anxiety.

Take the time you need to heal. Mothers go-go-go but never take the time to fully heal, and that can cause issues to linger and extend healing time. So, take it easy, use hot packs or ice backs on the lower back (where the nerve bundle is at the base of the spine) and reduce stress. 

5. Yes if I ever let my husband touch me, we will def use condoms. I was actually wondering if boxers would help stop the spread if he wore those and a condom so not much skin to skin contact. As this point I will do anything to try to not let him get it even if I means I will just give him oral. He is so good. He said he would rather spent the rest of his life with me even if we can’t have sex then me being not Alive. I just scared I am gonna be sick all the time and can’t live life to fullest (i am trying) 

That is such a good question! Yes, clothing would technically act as a barrier! Of course, condoms and clothing can't protect against 100% of possible transmission, but it definitely could help ❤️. Your husband sounds so sweet and caring! I hope I have a husband like that some day ❤️.

You are a warrior! You will get through this. Stay positive and be kind to yourself! ❤️ 

Sending prayers and blessings your way! ❤️ 

 

[Ashley01]

I could not possibly relate to you more. Reading your fears as well as the response's is somewhat comforting. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling how you are because I completely understand the hell you are going through. Your husband must be as amazing and understanding as mine which, for me, seems to make it that much harder. I agree with the tapping recommendation. I’ve been doing it for a very long time to help with my anxiety disorders. EMDR has helped significantly as well. There’s always a root to our fears and self judgements. If you can find a counselor certified in EMDR I would highly recommend trying it. Sending love and light your way. 

[Wonder90]

Hi, I read your post it's kind of like mine. I have been with my wife for 11 years now and have two kids together my life was great and then suddenly I have a red bump on my genital I thought it was just a rash maybe my hygiene or something so I just left it and it would heal by itself, but a couple of months later it came back so I when and get it to check out and it turns out I have hsv2 I feel like shit and shock at the same time confused how I got I but now I'm kinda getting better for my self but I still feel like I'm about to have a panic attack every time I see a rash or anything that on my two kids for me having it I can live with it but for my kids to have it, it would make my world collapse